Possible Childhood Abuse

[Lookingforclosure]

Long time poster and lurker. I have changed username just in case.

So, the older I get the more this plays on my mind. I think about it often.

When I was younger, I used to be looked after before and after school by my mum's friend. Before the days of ofsted etc. She was doing my mum a favour. She had a son the same age. We'd known each other from day 1.

From about the age of 10 we would go into his bedroom and he would ask me to perform various sexual acts on him. It started with just showing private areas but over the years became more sexual until about the age of 14. I did this without question. I don't feel like I blame anyone, we were both children. I never said no. I don't feel angry at him but I feel saddened that it happened.

I don't really know why I'm posting but I have never told anyone. And I don't think I ever will. I'm still friends with the family. If I saw the man in question I would say hello. I still see his mum (childminder) and have a nice chat.

I just wish it would stop playing on my mind.

I know I'm not stupid for feeling this way but it does feel a little odd it increasingly coming to the surface. I don't even think it could be classed as abuse as I didn't say no.

Sorry if I don't reply much. I have 2 young children who don't give me much time to be on my phone.

I think to a certain extent what you are describing is quite normal (and I wouldn’t classify it as abuse because of the power dynamics- that’s not to say you shouldn’t though, depending on how it made you feel. I’m just saying that from the usual perspective of what is classified as abuse).

Most people engage in some sort of exploration with other children during their childhood. It’s usually in the context of just being curious about bodies and isn’t ‘sexual’. What does sound different here is that for you it occurred at an older age when probably people do start exploring sexual experiences. NSPCC (I think) has a really useful resource about what kind of behaviour and knowledge of bodies and sexuality is developmentally normal at what ages in childhood. You may find that helpful or validating to look for.

But all that being said, what matters though is how you feel about it and actually if it throws up any red flags about your friend being abused (which I’m not sure if you’re even thinking about that). Children who are prematurely sexual (as in have knowledge of things that aren’t developmentally appropriate) are sometimes being abused and act out that behaviour in ‘safe’ spaces with other children. That may not at all be the case here and nothing you’ve said necessarily alludes to that, but it’s a possibility.