Help - I'm so sleep deprived I'm falling over

[BumbleNova]

All the time and dropping things. My DS (nearly 7 months) has always been a terrible sleeper. He has done 6 hours once but is currently waking every 30 to 45 mins. I've run out of ideas!

We have a solid bathtime, massage, read a book then breastfeed routine - starting at 630. I'm just about managing not to let him fall asleep on the boob. But he then wakes after 30 mins - rinse repeat.

I'm only feeding him around 7, 12 and 430/ 5. He has 2 meals a day and is EBF.

We have white noise, lavender pillow spray and a "sleep muslin". We have been co sleeping but he now elbows me out the way. We have a cot for him.

What am I doing wrong? I've read all the books and we have been doing the no cry sleep solution. I'm so lost and getting desperate.

How does he fall asleep? In your arms? Rocked? Cuddled? When he wakes each time, what is he needing to settle him?

Essentially, he needs to fall asleep where you want him to stay asleep (easier said than done!)

People often recommend a good thread on here called ‘what worked for us’ which was some really gentle sleep training someone did. Obviously the more gentle the approach the longer it will take, but it’s whatever works and feels most right for you.

I remember your pain only too well, and DS is 12 now. It's hideous and torturous but it WILL get better, and probably fairly soon.
Unfortunately some babies are just crap at sleeping.
We found co-sleeping was the only meaningful solution and it was a game changer. DS was with us until he was about 15 months.
How can he 'elbow' you? Is your bed small?

I breed bastards who don't sleep as well.

This time round I'm buying one of those sleep consultant people to come over and sort us out.

(Very cute bastards though 😁)

He is waking up just before he has gone through one sleep cycle which last 30-45 mins. Adults learn to go through in to the next one with out waking up.

Time him. See how long it really is before he wakes up. Then 10 mins before he is due to wake up gentle disturb him but not enough to wake him up and he should go back in to another cycle.

It’s called wake to sleep.

Do this during the day when he is having his nap and it will start to get better during the night.

Strip it back. Keep the bedtime routine but take away alm the extras. Mussy, white noise and lavender could be whats keeping him distracted. We foudn taking DS dummy away because he was playing with it worked for us. He now has a small toy octopus in the cot which i cuddle no end after its been washed so it smells like me. He has recently started going down with some crying at bed time. 2 nights of what people would call controlled crying (but was really me only being able to stand the crying for a short period of time before going back in) and hes sorted. Wakes at 2or3 ish for a feed and thats it. Make it as dark as you can in the room he is sleeping in too. It will improve... i kept telling myself "he wont still be doing this at 15"

@sipperskipper - sometimes it takes as little as me putting him on his side and me placing my hand on him. For my DH he also settles very quickly, usually being picked up and held. He just stirs so quickly after.

Thanks for the tip! I will look for that thread.

@haverhill - he wants to sleep on his front so once he is sleepy, he pushes me away. He often wakes up transferring himself to his front and we have to start again 🤦‍♀️. He can just about roll back but not quite.

Co sleeping definitely helps but I'm struggling to sleep when he does - I'm so hyper vigilant.

@outcometheboobs we have seen a sleep consultant but I'm wondering whether we need another?!

And yes - if he wasn't so cute he would be up for adoption 😂

@femalebornandbreed how do you do it? Do you nudge them? Make noise? How do you get the level of "disturbing" right? Is it trial and error?

I'm not sure I can stomach controlled crying yet. I feel like he is too young.

If he’s in his own cot, can he also be in his own bedroom too? I found I woke with every sniffle and sometimes took too much notice and got up too quickly. I feel your pain tho OP, lack of sleep is murderous

This might be a stupid question but do you think he might be hungry? Is he crawling a lot, when is his supper / tea/ main evening meal, and how much does he feed just before bed?

Two of my three are shite sleepers but they are even worse when hungry or thirsty.

I think I’m just used to being totally knackered now, but when they have a good eating day they tend to sleep a while longer and better quality sleep.

@ginlinessisnexttogodliness we tried dinner a bit earlier last night so 530 instead of 6 to see if digesting before bed would help. No improvement.

He is ingesting a lot of milk, he overflowed a 4+ nappy last night. I do offer more frequently than the times in my OP but he either bites me ( he has 4 teeth 😱) or just unlatched.

He is starting to pull himself up to standing and can walk a few steps with me only holding his hands so I do think he will be a very early walking. He can crawl a bit but prefers being upright. Maybe this is all developmental?

@whoKnewBeefStew I'd love him to be but at the moment I fear it may make everything harder?

You saw a sleep consultant and he still wakes every 30 mins?

Did you get your money back?!

How much did it cost?!

@andoutcometheboobs it wasn't a lot tbh and it was 2 nearly 3 months ago. Things did improve but then went seriously south. It got better again but now I feel like we are back at square one! So frustrating...

In what way did they help you?

It was stuff like sleep cues, getting our bed time routine consistent. But then 16 week jabs happened plus the realisation that DS was allergic to the colouring in Calpol. It was a truly terrible couple of weeks. Then it got better again. But now we are back here again. I'm just all out of ideas and loosing the will to live.

OP, my youngest didn't sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time until she was 17 months old and I totally understand how you feel.

I was hospitalised twice when I collapsed whilst caring for her and my 3 year old (who, thankfully, knew how to call Daddy for help). Please don't ignore your exhaustion. You need time out no matter who you have to bribe to get it. Doesn't matter how much your DS dislikes his new night time supervisor, but you need to get away and get some sleep semi-regularly. (I settled for sleeping on a friend's sofa once a fortnight). It stopped me from collapsing again.

Unfortunately, I can't help you too much with the sleep. Our consultant concluded she was just developing late in that regard and gave up after 18 days of absolutely no improvement in her sleep pattern.

At 17 months, she slept her first 3 hour stint and I genuinely felt like a new person. She's just turned 2 now and I still have the odd night in the spare room as she's still up briefly 3 times per night (and an early riser), but we are getting there.

I really hope you get some respite soon. You have my deepest sympathies.

Does he wake himself rolling onto his front, or with you rolling him from his front onto his back again?

@sniffysnifferson at the moment, when he rolls himself. Given he can roll back I've assumed he is safe to sleep as he chooses?

@spaneroo that's terrifying! I go back to work end of July so I need to be functioning better by then! I'm the breadwinner so not being able to string a sentence together is not ok! Plus I know he can do it - he was doing 3, 4 even 5 hour stretches.

Sorry op I'm no help but I can offer solidarity because dd was the exact same and I continually hurt myself for months on end by accident. Drove me potty.

Are you BF him when he wakes at night?

Do his last feed minimum 45 min away from bedtime - in a different room. Preferably downstairs.