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Let him go or reach out to him?

16 replies

Loka123 · 22/05/2019 23:11

Met a guy online a few weeks ago - we texted for a while and he said he really liked my sense of humour etc., he phoned me a few times and then we met for a date (his work schedule, traffic etc was crazy that day and ended up with him travelling 2 hours here and 2 hours back for a 1.5 hour date (couldn't be longer than that as he had to get the last train of the night back) - he seemed fairly reserved at the date but said he had an amazing time, insisted upon giving me cash for me to get a cab, said he got goosebumps seeing me, phoned me straight away when he got home and asked for another meet-up the day after (but I was busy)..

Few days later, I was off on a pre-planned holiday abroad with friends - he text me wishing me well and to send lots of photos etc.

I messaged him some photos about 2 days after that landing and getting some nice shots of architecture etc - he said it looked great. He'd been having a tough time at work and told me he got fired - I offered a comfort phone call (whilst I was abroad), he declined initially saying he was trying to sort out a replacement job and a few hours later asked if I wanted to chat on the phone (said he found some temp jobs he could do from next week) so we did and then he messaged me until 2am saying the typical cliche "thinking of you, can't wait to see you etc" how much he loves hearing my voice, etc. and then few messages (1-2 back and forth per day asking what you're doing etc. in the days following the chat..

He asked me a question last sunday about my holiday - I answered and asked him a generic question back around monday afternoon but I haven't heard anything back from him...

He mentioned a week ago, that he'd deleted his dating app (without me asking but obviously I don't have proof so this could just be a line) and he mentioned on our last phone call that he's spoken fondly about me to his friend... so feels weird that he hasn't said anything for 3 days in response to my message...

He is going through A LOT in his personal life (split from mother of his child about 7 months ago, living with his mate temporarily, not on good terms with his parents and now the job thing so I get he'd be stressed but he seemed very keen to persue this.. is it a weird hot and cold thing that some people just do or was this whole thing just an ego boost to him? (He's a gemini by the way for those who are into the zodiac and I tend to find they've got a bipolar/hot-cold thing going on quite often)

I don't want to seem needy by sending a follow-up message but not sure how long I should wait it out? He did say he felt bad disturbing me whilst I was on holiday so didn't text me much, I told him I didn't mind him texting me (that I liked hearing from him) - yet 2 days before the silence, I hadn't replied to his text for 4 hours (due to being busy) and he said a follow up emoji and question mark so clearly he values fairly quick responses.....

I know the easy answer is for me to just move on but there seems to be a real "thing" between us I believe (and I've spoken to 100s of men to know that "thing/spark" doesn't come around too often) and I don't feel it's one-sided (but I might be wrong!)

OP posts:
FiremanKing · 22/05/2019 23:22

Could be lots of reasons.

Met someone else.

Depressed at his situation and gone incommunicado.

A mate told him to stop bothering you on holiday and he’s taken the advice.

His phone has been cut off.

Something horrible has happened to him.

He’s a shitter and has mucked you about.

Personally I would send one last text cutting straight to the point

Hi xxxx, let me know if you want to meet up again. I’m free on the xx if you are.

Then leave it if he doesn’t get back to you.

Loka123 · 23/05/2019 11:02

Thanks for the response @FiremanKing

Yes those are exactly the reasons I could come up with for why - although I've kind of ruled out his phone being cut off as he's been online a few times (only about 3 times on whatsapp per day with 6 hours or so intervals in between) and so hopefully ruling out something terrible happening to him so it's between all the other reasons lol

Any more responses welcome

OP posts:
FiremanKing · 23/05/2019 11:22

Bumping for you.

I would hate that, him basically being all over you with the messages and then abruptly stopping.

I have now wondered though if he is the jealous sort, hence the intense communications and compliments so early on.

Then perhaps if you have uploaded holiday photos on social media or described a night out to him and he became irrationally jealous and has ‘dumped’ you?

That’s the only other thing I could come up with. You have done nothing wrong but he has controlling tendencies and jealousy issues?

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Crunchymum · 23/05/2019 11:53

Sounds like he has a lot going on.

Maybe this is a lucky escape OP.

Baskerville · 23/05/2019 12:26

Honestly, I wouldn't be putting this amount of emotional energy into a stressed, troubled, unavailable person I've had one date with, and who doesn't sound as if he's anywhere near ready to start dating, if he's only broken up with his child's mother seven months ago.

Look how you've already set yourself up as the emotional sounding board and saviour by offering to phone him from a foreign holiday.

Do you really want to be a combination Mummy and shrink to this guy and his work and relationship and housing and parent problems?

ALongHardWinter · 23/05/2019 17:05

I agree with FiremanKing. I would send a text along the lines of 'Not heard from you for a bit,just wondered if you wanted to meet up again?'. If you don't hear from him after this,I would advise leaving it. You've offered him a final chance,it's now down to him to take it (or not). Good luck! I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago,all over me for a couple of weeks,then,nothing. Unfortunately, in my case,it didn't end well. Sad

S0CKS · 23/05/2019 18:32

They're definitely the worst - all over you making you feel good and as much as you try to reason it's one date you can't help but kind of like him then they just ghost you it hurts

KnobJockey · 23/05/2019 19:27

If you like him, then why are you worried about sending a double text? What's the worse that can happen, he doesn't respond, then...nothing? Just send him a hi, how are you, are things improving, do you fancy a chat or a meet up text and see if he responds.

Bluetrews25 · 23/05/2019 19:48

The overall impression I got from your post was that he sounds very complicated and a bit intense and love-bomb-y.
I wouldn't push it - something just sounds a bit suspicious, or maybe it's just my spidey senses.

Ellisandra · 23/05/2019 20:17

If you are seriously posting about how you find Geminis, you’re not old enough to date!
So it’s a moot point what he’s like. He sounds rubbish though. Got sacked, not getting on with parents... are Geminis difficult drama llamas? Wink

AlexaAmbidextra · 23/05/2019 21:26

You lost me at the title. Reach out ffs. ☹️

x2boys · 23/05/2019 21:44

I have to agree with Baskerville ,he doesn't sound like he's ready to be dating and he's got too much going on ,after one date I think i would let it go.

MissMogwai · 24/05/2019 07:25

If it's this much bother so early on, it's not worth it.

If he wanted to text/ring you, he would have so he's either playing games or cooled off.

I get that it's disappointing, but you don't owe him anything so look after yourself and move on.

Gatekeeper · 24/05/2019 07:30

I always think of that monkey in Mr Magorium's Emporium

Let him go or reach out to him?
RedPink · 24/05/2019 07:38

.

RedPink · 24/05/2019 08:06

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