DD and her diet - should I be worried?

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DD is 12, going through puberty, mostly seems pretty happy. However, I've developed anxiety about her possibly developing anorexia. I THINK the problem is my anxiety but would be grateful for some other thoughts.

DD doesn't diet and appears to have no interest in dieting or be particularly conscious of her figure. She is a size 12 and looks slender and good for her height. However, I've noticed that she no longer goes to the biscuit tin so often after school, which used to be a regular thing. Also, for lunch, she's stopped taking a packed lunch and gets pizza or pasta in school. Yesterday however, she didn't, but had an apple and yoghurt only which she said was enough. This worried me, although she did come home and eat a bar of chocolate and a large tea followed by fruit and ice cream. I haven't noticed weight loss or weight gain or any suspicious behaviours other than a tendency to limit junk food.

Writing it down likes this makes me think it's probably my anxiety. However, DD has a cousin with anorexia and I've read there is a genetic element to it. Also, DD is very perfectionist, high-achieving in school, very hard on herself, very much a worrier and also struggles to make and keep friends. DH has also noticed that DD is seemingly eating less, though she still puts away some pretty huge meals and loves her chocolate. So, is this my anxiety playing tricks on me or would you be concerned? Thank you.

From the sounds of it this is definitely your anxiety.

Having a light lunch on a day when she also ate a bar of chocolate, ice cream and a big dinner really doesn't strike me as indicative of anorexia. At all.

An adult size 12 is, if anything, on the bigger side for a 12 year old girl I would have thought, although could obviously be perfectly healthy.

Normally I'd say by all means keep an eye on her if you're concerned, but I'd be a little worried that she'll pick up on your scrutiny/anxiousness about her eating and that this will cause problems where none exist.

Has she said anything to you about how she feels about her body? Any changes in how she dresses, or comments about other people's figures?
I developed an eating disorder around 16/17. Mum thought I might be anorexic but I was actually binge eating - polishing off leftovers, sneaking chocolate and biscuits after dinner. I became fussy about other food, insisting on skimmed milk, not wanting certain family meals because they were fattening, etc.
I don't want to worry you, but I don't want you to dismiss your concerns either.
Does she do any exercise?

I think as a size 12 at age 12 then limiting junk sounds really positive. She may have done some stuff on healthy eating. I'd keep an eye on her. Is she especially tall for her age?

Or do you mean she's in age 12 clothes?

My daughter has Anorexia and the character you describe is typical of people who develop the disease. My daughter started with orthorexia which tipped into anorexia. Keep a sharp eye, kids this age need a lot of calories to grow. Happy to talk by PM if you wish. Yours could be fine but instincts are there for a reason.

Might it be that she wants to limit junk food rather than calories?

She is 5ft 8, so very tall. I think she looks great. Her clothes are size 10-12, not age. She is very young for her age in terms of interests. Doesn't like sport, but walks roughly 5 miles a day and loves hiking and hill walking. I'm inclined to think the problem is my anxiety, but you've always got to be aware haven't you? I'm feeling OK at the moment as she's just polished off a pepperoni pizza and then asked for ice cream. (She definitely doesn't binge or purge) as she sits with us in front of the telly after her meal. Thanks for the comments.

seemingly eating less, though she still puts away some pretty huge meals and loves her chocolate.

Perhaps make a note of her food intake over the course of a week? DS (14) can eat for England on some days and then virtually nothing the next, but it all kind of balances out over the week?

If you're concerned about developing an eating disorder, do what you can to give her control over her life, as most develop as a way, sometimes the only way, people can control things! And trust her own appetite, have you spoken to her about eating disorders? or mental health? As part of the changes that would happen to her as part of puberty?