Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I've been sobbing for 30 minutes over a house on rightmove I think I have officially lost it.

35 replies

Figaro88 · 22/05/2019 13:01

So was looking on a would you buy this house type thread which happened to be a few miles from where I grew up. So I don't know why but I put my childhood home postcode into search and now I'm crying uncontrollably, it ridiculous I know.

OP posts:

Original poster

Figaro88 · 22/05/2019 13:06

Sorry posted to soon. It sold recently so there was photos so I looked and it although there are new kitchen bathroom etc as it's been 20 years the layout is still the same. I can remember so many happy memories there as a family and particularly with my mum that it's broke my heart. My mum died suddenly and I miss her so much and if she was still alive she would most probably still live there as she loved that house chasing my dc round the living room, breakfast room, kitchen and dinning loop. God I miss her so so much and I'm angry at myself for looking.

OP posts:

EdtheBear · 22/05/2019 13:06

Is it good times and good memories that your crying for?
Or a sad unhappy time?

I was crying over a car last night but it wasn't really the car I was crying over. It was a 100 other things the car was just a trigger.

EdtheBear · 22/05/2019 13:09

We cross posted. Big hugs.
Your mum was clearly special.
Your allowed to cry for your mum.

The cars owner was extra special too

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Property

Original poster

Figaro88 · 22/05/2019 13:10

The house was trigger I guess for the loss of my mum brought back how happy we were before she went. It was silly to look but I was just so tempted. I push the loss of her to back of mind as much as possible and seeing that house bought back all the happy times.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 22/05/2019 13:12

Crying is good. Let it happen.

The House that Built Me by Miranda Lambert is a lovely song about family homes, give it a listen if you can face it x

Original poster

Figaro88 · 22/05/2019 13:15

I think they are angry tears, I'm angry that she didn't get to come to my wedding, get to meet my children or even know my as an adult. God I hate cancer and myself right now for looking I really don't know why I did it.

OP posts:

IncrediblySadToo · 22/05/2019 13:18

It’s OK to lose it sometimes x

You lost your lovely Mum 🌷there are always going to be triggers that set you off. I’m crying at your post simply because I feel your pain. My Dad died suddenly (several years ago) and mum recently sold the family home. It takes nothing to set me off.

Your Mum should be in her house enjoying her Gc & my Dad (& Mum) should be in their house enjoying theirs.

Sometimes life is so unfair and unkind the only thing you can do is cry for what should have been xx

paap1975 · 22/05/2019 13:29

These thing are all part of the grieving process. Don't be cross with yourself. Sorry about your mum

1990shopefulftm · 22/05/2019 13:33

@Figaro88
It's perfectly okay to lose it over something like that. My dad died when i was 9 (i'm 24 now) and my family still lived in the same house until I was 18 then moved as well as my grandad dying the year they moved so i then didn't have that house to visit either, and although sometimes being close to those houses make things tricky, i really mourned not having the option to go to the houses again.

I like to explain my grief to people that it's not that i just lost that person in the past, i lost all the future i thought i was going to get, i've had over 14 years to accept that dad won't get to be a grandad to my future child but now i'm ttcing i'm getting sad and angry about it randomly. But i know it's good and healthy to let myself do that, you let yourself do that too. Do you have siblings or friends that have lost parents that you can speak to when you're feeling like this? it really helps me to speak to a friend who also has lost her parent.

minmooch · 22/05/2019 13:34

@Figaro88 I understand. Slightly different scenario - left my home 6 months ago to live with my partner. Tenants (friends) moved in same day as I left. They are now moving on and I need to go back to my home to do a little work to rent out again.

Trouble is my home was where me and my children lived whilst my eldest son was dying from cancer. It holds so many conflicting emotions. I'm dreading going back there. Dreading it feeling different. Dreading it feeling the same. Don't want to paint out my son.

It wasn't just a house it was a home.

As was your home. So many conflicting emotions - happy, sad, anger- all rolled up and spilling over with tears. Be gentle on yourself.

Susiedog · 22/05/2019 13:37

I had a similar situation trigger tears for me the other day.

I saw a young man of my eldest's age (he'll be 20 in a few weeks) drive past me in his car.
They started out together at pre school, but my eldest is unable to speak and shakes a rattle, let alone drive a car.

It's funny how life just ticks along and then BOOM!! You get one of those "what might have been" moments!!

EdtheBear · 22/05/2019 13:37

Huge hugs. I get exactly where you are coming from.

It's not a house that your crying over its what should have been.
Things are still very raw here, the car is / was my Dad's, cancer is awful.

So sorry you lost your mum so young. . S

Sherry19 · 22/05/2019 13:39

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

JaynePoole · 22/05/2019 13:56

God I miss her so so much and I'm angry at myself for looking.

It sounds as though your body is saying, "Oy! It's time that some of this grief came out".

AlessandroVasectomi · 22/05/2019 14:09

This happened to me last year. I’m a grown man of 68. We were holidaying in New Zealand and visited the cathedral in one of the cities. I decided to light a candle in memory of all the people we’ve loved and lost, just to show them that we think of them even when we’re on the other side of the world. Having lit the candle I was fumbling in my pocket for some money to donate and could feel something welling up inside. I’d have probably been OK but for my wife asking me a question at that precise moment. When I went to speak, I burst into tears instead and sobbed for several minutes. She just hugged me and the moment passed, but it took me completely by surprise.

vasillisa · 22/05/2019 14:14

Agree with all those above. I google earth my gran's house from time to time as I had the best times there, learning to cook, or picking bluebells in the wild back garden. I lost my dad young. What I always think is not just about the things you and they have missed because they died. You might not be ready to hear this just now, as still angry with death, but OP it is a lifelong and precious gift to have so many marvellous memories of time you did share. No one can take that away and I think somehow houses store some of that in their walls, stairs and doorways.

Some children only have sad memories of home and family, some grow up in care, and knowing that now I am so so glad my family gave me and my sister all the security and love they did.

Grief finds a way, even why you try to box it up and pop it in the attic. It's like a river.

FiremanKing · 22/05/2019 14:17

Before I moved a long way away I went back to my childhood home where I lived between 2-10 and sat nearby in my car resisting the urge to knock and look like a loon wanting to see inside!

Lots of emotions and I’m not a sentimental person but for some reason I was compelled to go back there.

I fully understand how you feel.

Annasgirl · 22/05/2019 14:21

@Susiedog hugs to you Susie. My friend died when we were 20. His mum cried at every one of my major life events as she remembered he would not get to do them.

Annasgirl · 22/05/2019 14:22

OP - I too lost my mum and still cry at very odd moments, like a song she loved etc. They say grief comes in waves and that it is best to accept it washing over you and I think. you should allow yourself to wallow in this. I still cannot drive past my childhood home as it was sold a year after DM died.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 22/05/2019 14:28

OP we all have triggers.

I went to go and view a car yesterday in a part of East Sussex that I never ever go to.
I pulled round a corner and it was like something slammed into my chest. I had a very sudden and painful flash back to the last time time I was on that road and it was to drop my best friend to a hospice knowing I would never see her again.

You never expect these sudden responses but they are totally normal.

Orangecake123 · 22/05/2019 14:28

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Spudlet · 22/05/2019 14:35

DH lost his mum to cancer too. He says you never really get over grief, you just live with it, and it changes and becomes less acute, but it's always there. So don't beat yourself up op, there is no timescale on grief and loss. For dh, it's things like driving through the countryside that was her stomping ground as she was a really keen walker - it just gets him.

I'm so sorry for your loss

deepflatflyer · 22/05/2019 14:36

I'm so sorry. I can quite understand. I saw my childhood home up for sale a few years ago (and my Mum and Dad are still alive, and happily living elsewhere). I wasn't exactly upset, or even full of happy memories, it was something way weirder than that. I was actually really shaken and couldn't sleep that night. I send my Mum and Dad the link from the estate agent website, so that they could see, and they weren't in the least bit interested, even though they'd lived there for 30 years. I came to the conclusion that attachment to a physical home in childhood is probably quite strong. Something I'm bearing in mind with own kids.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

RuffleCrow · 22/05/2019 14:41

I've done this so many times. A house you grow up in holds so many memories good and bad. It's bizarre to revisit your local area via modern technology we couldnt have even dreamed of back then. (80s/90s for me anyway) and to see how time has moved on there just as it has here.

SinkGirl · 22/05/2019 14:44

My mum died the year before I got pregnant. When I was pregnant we had to move out of our flat so we moved into my family home until it sold (ended up being for a year). Being there pregnant and with my babies but without my mum was so painful some days I could barely breathe. I completely understand OP. Sending you

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread