Not overly comfortable...is it being taken too seriously?

[woahtherehorsey]

My DD 17 saw a Facebook post the other day which shocked her and so she brought it to me, it was about a man on the bus touching a girl, nothing sexual but the girl was made to feel uncomfortable and shaken, she was showing me because it had happened to her about half an hour before! She was sat and the young lad behind her kept poking her and she felt he was getting near her bra clasp. She moved away but he seat and within 10 minutes was off the bus. We called the non emergency number to log it with them purely because we wanted the incident recorded in case there was an escalation in this person's actions. The police have been round today and taken info and are treating it as a sexual assault because he could have been getting gratification from it. It seems a bit of an over reaction or am I really under reacting to it? She is most annoyed that her top has been taken as evidence!

In the one incident yes it's not "a lot" however it's a positive thing that the police are taking it seriously, and you've got to think that if this man goes on to do something more serious, then her account (and proof of it happening) will support any future claim against him.

You're under reacting.

It may be that the police have others similar reports and are following this up. Buses have CCTV, so they might be able to get a positive identification and evidence. No person should be deliberately targeting, worrying and annoyingly touching other people, especially total strangers.

I worked in a pub then I was 17 I'm 30 now, and the grown men who all worked there started poking my back and stomach just as a joke. And then it escalated to pinging my bra strap. And then unhooking it as I walked out of the kitchen. Then it gradually got more and more physical until they would grab me in the kitchen and thrust up against me, bend me over tables after closing. Management and kitchen staff.
until one of the kitchen staff pinned me against the wall forced his hand down my top started trying to kiss me. I got away before anything more happened but I never said anything to anyone about any of it.
It was just what happened when people worked in pubs it was all just messing around.

Very pleased to hear that 17 year olds now aren't putting up with it as much! If that lad gets away with enough pokes to that back it will eventually escalate.

Absolutely not. Women have to put up with so much of this kind of behaviour and we are often conditioned to do the whole "don't make a fuss thing" which enables the behaviour. I am so glad to hear your daughter's experience has been taken seriously.

You're under reacting.

The police are looking into nipping it the bud before this man escalates. Its logical that someone who's looking to sexually assault people would start with this relatively low level contact first so they can see what they can get away with. Just like the previous poster with the situation in the pub demonstrates.

And with regard to the first part of your post, what makes you think the man touching that particular girl wasn't doing so sexually? I think most incidents of a grown man going up and touching a female without her permission will have a sexual element. It doesn't have to involve touching someone's genitals to be so. It's the abuse of normal boundaries, the imbalance in power involved with intimidating the girl by him being older (usually) and bigger than her (again, usually). Let's face it, even if the lad in your daughters case wasn't doing it to for sexual gratification , he was clearly trying to frighten her. I don't suppose he would have done the same thing to a man of the same age would he?

Agree with all the comments on here. It's great your daughter was able too discuss this with you. I think this needs to be nipped in the bud. A reasonable guy wouldn't do this 'in jest' because he would realise it could be mis-interpreted. He needs to learn or be caught early.

I had a similar thing happen to me. Felt uneasy and called 101, first time I'd ever called the police. Anyway it turned out I was one of 13 women reported such behaviour that morning, he was caught, arrested, bailed, assaulted another woman and then sentenced to 5 years.

Might seem nothing but could be a part of something more.

I understand it could have been the start of something and that's why we wanted to report it, my only issue is that she thought this man was annoying at best and now she is upset that they are treating this as sexual assault. I worry that she is more upset now it has been logged than she was when it happened. The police are being excellent and are checking cctv for the evenings of both incidents. I can't fault the police and their thoroughness though