Awful behaviour from son - long

[ohyesohyessyyesyes]

I’ve spent a long time searching for and reading threads about unruly preteens. I’ve picked up some good advice but I would like some more specific help from the snakepit.
DS is 10, nearly 11. He has always been pretty challenging. Was seeing an Ed psych until a few years ago and discharged because apart from very light adhd there was nothing wrong.
He has fallen in with an awful group of kids and in the last days has tried a cigarette, stolen money from His brother, been very disrespectful to those around him and viewed (mildly) indecent images on a phone.
At the moment, he is not allowed out, no access to technology and obv no contact with the friends.
The problem is that he is not repentant. He doesn’t seem to understand how awful these kids are. He is just waiting until the weekend when he thinks everything will
Be fine again and he can hang out with these kids.
I am gutted he seems to be lacking the basic understanding of right:wrong.
So as not to drip feed, we live in a country where kids still play in the street; most walk to school alone from aged 5-6 and parents regularly leave kids unsupervised from approx aged 6.
The ‘bad kids’ I am talking about are 11-13 years old. They do vandalism, beat kids up, carry replica weapons, smash windows, general thug behaviour.
I am petrified that my child will/is/has turn(Ed) into one of these. He seems so into them right now.
Please help me.

This sounds really tough OP. I think you need to sit him down, and tell him clearly what you have said previously. Start with 'I don't think the boys you are hanging out with are suitable friends (give reasons), and if i find that you have been out with them again, you will be grounded to the house for (however long you decide.) Tell him also that if you find out he has stolen anything from anyone again, you will turn him into the police and let them deal with him (whether or not you decide to do this is up to you but it may scare him into stopping.) Then you need to tell him about the effects on smoking. childline have info on this here - childline, the effects of smoking. I would also look at signing him up for some clubs to give him something to do after school/in the holidays. It will give him a chance to meet new people outside of the place you live, and so a chance to make new (decent) friends. all the best x

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond.
We have talked to him a lot. He just doesn’t seem to be getting it.
I am troubled as a lot of the threads I wrote said how you shouldn’t choose your kids’ friends. However, in this instance I really think letting him out with these kids could potentially fuck up the rest of his life.

Threads I read, not threads I wrote 😖

Yes, I think i would ignore the advice about not picking your children's friends in this circumstance. Does he do any out of school activities? where abouts are you based OP (if you dont mind saying) - maybe we can recommend a few clubs to try so he can make some new friends?

We are in city and there are lots of clubs to check out. He’s not very keen though.

He’d rather visit friends and hang out with me/his brother after school.

He does a martial art twice a week (which he loves) and plenty of sport with his dad and his friends.

Ideally I would like him to do more organized activities but he hates them and makes little to no effort in them if this is the case. And of course this pisses me off and leads to friction.

I am disappointed but trying to remain positive. He doesn’t have excessive screen time and we do lots of stuff together at the weekends.

The holidays aren’t usually an issue as we travel.

I see the beginnings of a bully
In him which worries me. Like pushing his brother with his shoulder as he walks past; feeling pleased when people are scared of him as he’s bigger and stronger.

How do I nip this in the bud?