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Feel so anxious I can hardly breathe

5 replies

Lavenderlover1 · 20/05/2019 14:45

Hi - I’ve posted about this on here before but it’s been a while and my feelings have flared up again. I have been with DP for 6 years. We were seeing each other for a couple of months before having a conversation about exclusivity and during that time I’m very ashamed to say that I had sex with 2 other men. I was only 20 at the time and still at uni - at the time I did sleep around a lot and drank stupid amounts, and both encounters were meaningless. Doesn’t make it right but I know others were doing the same, ‘seeing’ people but sleeping with others, although many of these never turned into real relationships - in my case, it did. I have never told DP about this and I don’t know why but it’s all sort of come back recently as feelings of intense shame and guilt. I know I didn’t ‘owe’ him anything then but I still feel like a horrible, unworthy person who isn’t deserving of him, even though I’ve never slept with anyone since, have been sober for 2 years, and really do feel myself to be a different person. Has anyone else ever been in this boat? I get triggered when watching a soap for example and a character mentions an affair (Sharon and Keanu storyline in Eastenders) even though I know it’s a totally different situation

OP posts:
bitchfromhell · 20/05/2019 14:56

I think my advice would be to tell him. He deserves the opportunity to make his own mind up regarding the relationship knowing everything. If you're so anxious you can't breathe he'll know something is amiss anyway.
It will also make you feel better to know you've done the right thing now.

In answer to your question, no I've never cheated. I've been cheated on and lied to about it though. I know what hell that is.

He deserves to know the truth.

okuuur · 20/05/2019 14:59

I'm usually all for open and honest but you didn't cheat on him!

I would question why you are using this to beat yourself up over? Anything else going on?

I really don't think you have anything to gain from telling him but if you think ultimately it will clear your conscience then you should go ahead but I think you are being really hard on yourself. Think you need to work on forgiving yourself. Well done on being 2 years sober Thanks

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/05/2019 15:02

You did nothing wrong. Nothing to feel guilty about. You had consensual sex while still single.

Why do you feel moved to punish yourself now? Just another young person living their life before they settled down!

Give yourself a break please - immediately! Smile

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Branleuse · 20/05/2019 15:07

you didnt cheat. You were barely dating, not in a relationship.

Dont worry about it.

gamerchick · 20/05/2019 15:12

You don't need to, let it go.

You have no idea what he was doing in those 2 months either. Do you really want to open a can of worms that don't need to be opened?

Let it go.

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