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Original poster

DD14 and first boyfriend - eek!

13 replies

MrsWicket · 19/05/2019 20:13

DD has just turned 14. She’s shot up a foot and got boobs in the last 6 months - definitely blossoming into a pretty young woman. Consequently she has discovered boys and visa versa.
She told me yesterday that one of her friends has asked if she’ll be his girlfriend - he’s 15. She’s all giddy and excited, but I’m trying to bring her down to earth a bit without being all draconian. I’ve had the kissing is ok conversation, but absolutely anything else from chest downwards is a no go. Thankfully she was suitably horrified that I’d even think that of her.
I met him today (he asked to meet me), he seems a very nice, polite young man. He’s not allowed in the house without me there. This is the first time I’ve had to deal with this - God, it’s a mine field, isn’t it? My baby is growing up.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWicket · 19/05/2019 20:15

Just realised that’s posted to the wrong place - sorry! How do I get it moved? Blush

OP posts:
thegreatcrestednewt · 19/05/2019 20:15

Oh yes, whole new kettle of fish! Lots of new parenting decisions to make and things to think about...

thegreatcrestednewt · 19/05/2019 20:15

Report your message to MNHQ!

StickOfRhubarb · 19/05/2019 20:17

And does she love the great outdoors?

What you are doing and saying sounds good to me. My dd is 15 and I’m dreading all of this angst.

StickOfRhubarb · 19/05/2019 20:18

MN should be thrilled if you ask to get it moved to,teenagers as they reckon nobody is using it.

Original poster
MrsWicket · 19/05/2019 20:24

Thanks Stick - how do I get get hold of MNHQ? Rubbish at all this - as you can tell...Grin

OP posts:
MiniMum97 · 19/05/2019 20:25

I don't think you can or should be dictating to her about what she can and can't do sexually. It's not going to work apart from anything else. What you should be doing is encouraging open conversation, discussing consent and how to respond to pressure to do things she may not want to do and about the importance of using one if not two methods of contraception at her age. Make sure she understands the risks of pregnancy are not just from penetrative sex and also that she understands about STIs. Discuss the effects of a pregnancy at her age would have on her life and plans.

You need to provide information so she knows the risks and can make good informed choices and also make her feel like she can come to you if she needs help or advice or something goes wrong or she's being pressured.

Setting "rules" will not only be ineffective but also will make her feel like she can't come to you if she needs to, especially if she has "broken" one of the rules.

SinglePringle · 19/05/2019 20:31

Everything MiniMum said.

Do you remember being 15 and fancying the pants off a boy who felt the same about you? It’s the origins of the phrase ‘everything but...’. Talk to her about life in general, stop judging her for her early investigations of sex, help her develop her boundaries and ability to keep safe (on all levels).

Banning sex has never ever ever worked.

Original poster
MrsWicket · 19/05/2019 20:31

Thanks, Minimum, that was my rather heavy handed way of saying take things slowly and don’t get pressured into doing anything you don’t want too.
I’d like to think she can always talk to me about anything- i’d rather I knew than she kept things secret.

OP posts:
thegreatcrestednewt · 19/05/2019 20:35

Click on ‘report’ above your op.

stucknoue · 19/05/2019 21:02

The most important thing is to talk to her about consent and stress her autonomy over what she allows. Just saying don't doesn't stop they may go behind your back and won't come to you for advise or help. We also took the precaution of having condoms in the house because quite frankly, I'm not old enough to be a grandmother!

donajimena · 19/05/2019 21:08

I was so shocked when my son announced he had a girlfriend I just blabbed out stuff about consent, contraceptnot and to do 'anything' if we were (rest of family) were home etc. I realised the next day I hadn't actually asked how old she was and I'd practically given him the green light to have sex. I may as well have bought him a red light bulb and a Barry White CD. I wish I'd handled it differently Blush

Cottonwoolmouth · 19/05/2019 21:21

You can absolutely say you don’t want her to do anything sexual - of course you can. Kids need to know where their parents lines are set so they can figure out and adjust their own. Sex is actually illegal for under 16 for very good reasons.

This is coming for someone who was having sex at 14 and pregnant at 15 - I had very relaxed parents Hmm

OP use her enthusiasm in him to engage with her about her sexual boundaries, that’s it’s ok to say ‘actually I’m too young for that let’s wait till I’m 16, how sexual relationships can pan out in school, how school gossip can be very hard on girls in sexual relationships, how feelings can change very quickly leaving the other person wondering what they did.

Talk talk and more talk at this very delicate and difficult mile stone in her life.

Hell would freeze over before I gave my 14 year old consent to have sex. My eldest dd is 24, we talked a lot ...

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