Can I please ask you about how you are in confrontations?

[InAYear]

I'm trying to understand how others react during a confrontation- nothing like a screaming match or anything but stern words etc. How is your body during this?

Sorry if this sounds like a crazy question but I'm doing some self help work around trauma and I would like some insight into others reactions as I don't know what "normal" is.

My face gets red and I forget all the big words I know. Sweaty hands and feels like my stomach has fell out my arse.
I can hold my own though.

I haven't had enough confrontations to recognise a pattern. And I'm 59!

My mouth goes dry and my throat closes up. I hyperventilate a bit too! Try to avoid confrontation as much as possible. However if I’m really really mad about something then I don’t care who can hear or see me I can go ballistic!

My heart goes fast, and can feel my hands/arms trembling. Often feel sick, and short of breath.
Afterwards I'll be tearful, and often get a migraine.

I'm told though I usually appear calm though. I don't feel I do. I tend to avoid if possible.

I experience a sudden rush of heart beating extremely fast. It takes my breath away. Even if it's something as simple as a bit of constructive criticism off a manager, I can't control it.wvwb though my rational side is saying everything is ok. But my brain is saying no.

I get shaky and develop a huge red rash across my neck and upper chest (attractive).

Depends. If I'm prepared for it then I'm steely cold and will take no prisoners.

If caught unawares then I'm a bit shouty, red faced and stuttery. Still don't take any shit though, just takes me longer to get to the point 😂

I suffer with anxiety so confrontations will make my heart beat so loud you can hear it, I get shaky and sweaty too.

Depends on the person doing the confrontations motivation and current state. Drunk, try to talk them down and calm them. Rude and sarcastic, match their behaviour. Armed, fight mode. 30 minutes later my reaction becomes to the surface.

Terrible

My vision temporarily shakes. It's literally for just a second. My eyeballs seem to wobble. I can't think of any other way to describe it! That's when I'm really really angry. But also get the forgetting all the big words I know too. That really infuriates me!

I freeze and (helpfully) my head goes empty of all words. My heart bounds and I get shakey and feel sick and I have actually been sick with nerves on several occasions.

If it’s a long rant at me I often zone out and just watch the horrible image of their ugly angry face contorting as they shout. I say anything to make them go away so I can breathe. I often can’t remember what exactly was said afterwards and usually cry a lot.

I then have to wrestle with myself trying to see objectively if I’m in the wrong or what my response should be, because I just can’t speak in the moment.

My defeatist, depressed mind screams “just kill yourself you worthless fucking idiot” and then I have to take baby steps back from that ledge. It takes a while. I hate it.

It varies
If I'm prepared and I initiate then I can be great
If I'm not prepared it depends on who it's with. Family member or boss then I get very shaky and have to hold back tears
If it's a neighbour ranting as they have been known to do over something stupid and nothing I either ignore or apologise -

They had to move my bin because the bin man left it in their way. I'm quite happy to apologise in a very calm way. 'Sorry the bin got left there, I'll have a word with the binmen if I see them' - To me that just hilights what a stupid thing to complain about ... I never see the binmen

I go very calm, very shut down inside. I am very authoritative (scarily so). Ice Queen.

After - serious consequences. I manage to get away and then get all wibbly as the adrenaline leaves me. Tearful, shaky etc.

I cry! Even though I'm not upset, I'm angry. I hate this response as it makes me feel weak and at a disadvantage but I can't stop.

My external reaction varies according to the situation but inside I am nearly always in control. In my job, you have to be.

I might come across shouty to give them a jolt and then go back to normal tone or I might just be steely quiet, very deliberate with my words and hardly make any movement at all. They know they've posses me off when I do that!

Depending on the incident, I will either forget it instantly or, if it has turned physical, I will get a massive surge of adrenalin about half an hour afterwards.

I appreciate my circumstances are a bit different, but it's best not to hold on to it. Say what you need to say, in the best and most productive way possible and then move on!

Wow Chesntoots that's how I would love to be! What's your job, if you don't mind saying? How do you stay so solid and calm inside. I'm a blubbering mess! It's like a shit storm in my chest and head!

I'm a Prison Officer.

Some of its training, some because I am quite well respected as an officer but mostly it's confidence (or the appearance of confidence!!)

Believe me, I've crapped myself on a couple of occasions! But usually afterwards and mostly without anyone knowing!

I get a big blotchy rash on my chest and can get a wobbly voice, feel emotional. Sometimes I can't stop, I once had an argument at work with a really horrible colleague. I hate confrontation but just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I didn't shout though.

I will cry. I hate it.

I shake sometimes I cry other times I rant on mumsnet

@LesserBohemian 😢

It depends on the situation, but generally I'm quiet but very determined to be heard. Afterwards I often shake and feel quite anxious because I doubt myself and my capacity to handle situations appropriately, but at the time I look like I'm made of steel.

DH says I can be intimidating in confrontational situations because I don't react like a human with emotion; there's no crying or shouting or raised voices, which he says would make it easier. I find it helps me, focussing on staying very calm and choosing my words with control.

I shake and 'hear' my own voice IYKWIM.