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Original poster

Dreaming that a loved one is still alive

21 replies

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 19/05/2019 10:10

Does anyone else have these dreams? They are incredibly detailed and vivid. I've had them sporadically over the years but lately it's nearly every night.

I dream that I'm walking down a street and see my mum in front of me alive and well. I'm overjoyed to see her and we carry on walking and chatting. Or I dream that I'm in my childhood home and she's there as usual in the kitchen making tea or watching TV. We have a lovely time, she hugs me tight and I feel an overwhelming relief that either she's come back to life or she'd never died.

Then I wake up and feel devastated that it wasn't real.

The thing is, she died over 30 years ago. I was 12. I think if her often of course but I can't understand why I'm dreaming about her all the time.

It's like my brain is playing horrible tricks on me.

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 19/05/2019 10:12

Oh OP is horrible isn't it? That first realisation as you wake that it wasn't real is like hearing the news all over again.

My Mum died nearly 2 years ago, and I dream about her all the time, but she's always just out of my reach and she can't hear me. It's horribly distressing and I wish I knew how to make it stop.

Ohwhatsoccuring · 19/05/2019 10:15

Yep happens to me too.
I lost both my parents within 18mths of each other. My mum just 9mths ago.

This happens a lot sadly, I then wake up and it hits like a ton of bricks again

NannyPear · 19/05/2019 10:15

My mum died 6 years ago and I frequently dream about her. She's always upset, often both of us are crying hysterically, and it transpires there's a reason we haven't seen or spoke to each other in 6 years. She's often mad or upset with me. We had a brilliant relationship so it's heart reaching having these dreams.

teyem · 19/05/2019 10:16

Yup, I dream about my Dad occasionally. At some point in those dreams I'll realise that my Dad is dead and I'm dreaming and then I'll wake up. Once, I managed to grab a hug between realising and waking up. I cried all day long that day.

LuckyAtCards · 19/05/2019 10:20

I'm so sorry about your mum.

I get the dreams too. I do feel sad when I wake after dreaming of my mum, but I'm also very glad I have them because they're all I've got, and those moments when she's 'here' again - talking to me and hugging me - feel like a gift.

I don't believe in heaven or an afterlife or anything of that sort, so I don't think it's actually a 'visit' from my mum. I think it's my unconscious providing me with the best approximation to what I need and want.

Mrscaindingle · 19/05/2019 10:20

I had a recurrent dream after my dad died for many years and I would experience relief that he had not really died but he would never talk to me or would more away when I tried to reach him.
Funnily enough I've recently been having dreams that I'm back together with my ex husband and in RL I have no desire to do this.
I think it's just your brain processing the loss until it can file it away, which for some can take many years. Has something happened in your life recently which has brought thoughts of your mum to the surface?

Original poster

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 19/05/2019 11:25

to everyone who experiences this. lucky I need to start seeing it in that way, getting comfort from it.

I'm about the same age as my mum was when she died and dd is a young teen so similar to the age I was. She's still very cuddly and loving and going through a lot with puberty, friendship problems, needing to fit in etc. I get worried about dying and leaving her as I know what it's like without a mum at that age. Maybe that is what triggers the dreams.

I have the ex dreams too. Often very raunchy. I feel bad when I wake up like I've cheated on dh

OP posts:

Scion457 · 19/05/2019 12:06

I’m so sorry for all your losses. My parents are still alive but I do sometimes have dreams of my nana, I love them though, it makes me feel like I’ve spent precious time with her again.

Giggorata · 19/05/2019 12:23

I finally used these dreams to become semi lucid and take the chance to hug and tell my loved ones how much I miss them, sometimes even to ask them what being dead is like or catch them up on my news....it would be at the point of realising I was dreaming, when it would either turn into a fully lucid dream or I would wake up.
It didn't feel like the bereavement all over again that way.

RedSheep73 · 19/05/2019 12:39

My sister died 3 years ago and I get those dreams too, the ones where she's really dead at all. So horrible when you wake up and remember the truth.

confusedandemployed · 19/05/2019 12:42

I lost my mum 22 years ago, and I feel like @LuckyatCards.

It feels like there's still a little bit of her that's alive, and I find it enormously comforting.

IsAStormApporaching · 19/05/2019 12:53

I have been going through similar.

I always start having strange dreams around the time of my dd's birthday.
They are very vivid strong dreams about my dgm who lived with us until she passed 5 years ago. Sometime they are happy, sometimes I am looking for her and can't find her.
The dreams are very prominent just now but I am recently starting to become aware it is a dream (when sleeping)

Maybe it's a sort of acceptance? I don't know.

I think you are right, it is just you being aware of the age you and your dd are at are similar to what you and your dm where when she sadly passed.

DustyMaiden · 19/05/2019 12:58

No one is dead in my dreams, we are all back where we were just going about our days. I am always pleased they don’t cause me any distress.

cupofteaplease · 19/05/2019 13:00

How strange to read this post today. I lost my dd nearly 7 years ago, and last night I had a really vivid dream that she’d come alive again. She was the same age as when she’d died, but she didn’t have the disabilities she had in life. She was beautiful and I spent the whole dream hugging and kissing her. Then in my dream, I needed to go out, so left her with someone. Whilst I was away I received a phone call to say she’d died, again. I was wailing and screaming in my dream and I woke up crying and shouting. I’ve felt ‘odd’ all day since, but I’m so glad I got to see her again.
Big hugs to everyone who’s been upset by these dreams

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 19/05/2019 13:07

I get this (also about deceased pets). Even in the dream I know I haven't seen them in years, because I thought they were dead, and although I'm so happy to see them I also feel sad about all the years we've missed together. That's what I think it's about for for me - still missing them, and the way time passes.

I don't want to stop having these dreams. I like to know these people and animals are still very present in my subconscious, even if they are not at the forefront of my conscious mind.

Pinkyponkcustard · 19/05/2019 14:33

I had this about my lovely grandma when I was in labour and drugged up to the eye balls. I was drifting in and out of consciousness and she was right there with me in the room. At the time it was comforting but afterwards I found it really upsetting. I was about 5 when she died.

Pinkyponkcustard · 19/05/2019 14:35

It’s just made me cry now. I am really worried about how I’ll cope when my parents die (hopefully in many years to come)

FriarTuck · 19/05/2019 14:39

I dream about my deceased sister often enough & she's been dead years now. It doesn't bother me. We're just doing normal stuff in the dreams and when I wake up I register that I was dreaming about her but I don't have any regrets or upset, it's just how it is.

YorkieTheRabbit · 19/05/2019 17:00

I sometimes dream about my sister still being alive. The dream always is along the same theme, she is unhappy with me for not contacting her or leaving her. The setting we are in changes but she is always with people who I don’t know and she is distant. I still find it upsetting even though it’s thirty years since she died.

ginswinger · 19/05/2019 17:05

I do have these dreams and I love them, it's like I get to spend more time with my much cherished Dad. I'm sorry you're not enjoying it at the moment but I hope you might oneday.

cantfindname · 19/05/2019 17:32

Dreams can be very cruel. I dream about both my exes, but in the dream they are the lovely, kind men I imagined they were before I got to know them.

I dream a lot about my Grandparents and always feel sad when I wake up and realise that I lost them many years ago.

I dream about my DP who I lost last year. These are vivid, realistic dreams.. we have conversations and hug. Then I wake up and the loss is there all over again. These are the dreams that hurt the most.

I also dream about animals I had years ago and even woke up in a panic last week because I 'hadn't fed the dogs'... well, no, I wouldn't have done. I lost my last dog eleven years ago. I dream about riding my favourite horse; these are happy dreams and always make me smile when I remember the following day.

I sometimes try to work out what has triggered a particular dream but it's rare that I ever know.

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