Wedding gift not from registry

[ladybug92]

My younger sister (only sister) is getting married. She's 26 and already lives with her fiance. She has told me she has a registry which she will be informing people of in the invite.

Can I get her something not on the registry? I'd like to get her some art or jewellery to make it more personal/ meaningful than a sheet set/pot set. I'm slightly hesitant as I am worried she might not like it, or worse, could see it as something she needs to get rid of.

I'd ask her but we have an odd relationship and I can imagine her saying 'just don't get anything if it's too hard'...

She seems to be making a big deal out of this registry, getting her MIL to help her go into the store etc. I never had a registry so I don't really know how someone who wants that would feel about gifts.

If there is a registry you should be buying from the registry unless you know the couple very well and can get them something you know both of them would like. In this scenario I wouldn’t. You could always get your sister a small personal gift just for her as well if you want to.

You have an odd relationship but you love her? Do exactly as she’s asked. Perhaps see if you can get the link quickly and be one of the first and choose to get something nice.

Stick with the list, especially if you're not close.

If you have an odd relationship I would definitely stick with the registry.

Art/personal presents are very 'personal', and there is a serious risk of giving them something they don't like and don't want.

Jeweller wouldn't work as the gift is for the couple not just your sister. Could you get personalised gift for her hen do instead?

Wedding gifts are traditionally for the home and the registry lets the couple say what their tastes are and prevents duplication.

The gifts are for the couple, not the individual, so jewellery for your sister would be weird and inappropriate.

If you want to buy something like a piece of art, ask her first. Wedding gifts aren't really about surprises.

There may be some art on the list!
As you say you have an odd relationship (we don’t really know what that means but I’m imaging that at times it has been somewhat strained) I’d play safe and just get something from the list, you will be 100% sure it’s something her and her husband will absolutely want.
If you wanted to go down a more thoughtful route, there’s nothing to stop you giving your sister something personal like jewellery on the morning of the wedding. Not to wear that day but just a nice gesture on her wedding day.

It should be a gift for the couple, not something for just one of them.

@MrsMoastyToasty

That’s just what I was going to say

It’s for both of them so you would have to know both of their tastes before you bought anything as personal as art work.

Just buy off the list.

Thanks for the advice, seems like I was way off.

In my family and in our culture, it's often the women who receive a gift at anniversaries and weddings, even though it is celebrating the couple. So this concept didn't seem as unusual to me.

Best to play it safe though I guess. I am very worried about getting the wrong thing (even from the registry!) and it being offensive/ hurtful that I chose that.
Also my brother is not getting them something from the registry and told me that the registry is only for people who don't know what to get so this has added to my confusion. And he won't tell me what it is he's getting either. Egh.

For a close family member I got a registry gift and some separate artwork. Covers both bases!

I would hate art or jewellery as a gift, I’m stupidly fussy. Stick to the registry. Another thread yesterday mentioned receiving an asked for casserole dish which is used weekly. If they’ve asked for it, they must want it.

Art is a very personal item, unless you know they collect a certain artist/style/theme I would very much stay away from it.

We had a registery, lots of things on there were items we like to have but didn't really wanted to pay for. We have a beautiful dining set for fish, we use it a lot but I wouldn't have wanted to buy it myself.

I would stick with it and if you want you can add some item just for your sister but unless the groom comes from the same cultural background I would give her the gift maybe on the morning of the wedding (if you see her) or hen do or other occassion before.

Thanks everyone, I understand the concept behind the registry a bit more now.
I'll pick something from there and get something additional for my sister. Glad I checked for second opinions!

Could you ask her if there's anything she'd particularly like, but that she didn't feel was appropriate to put onto the registry? (Because it was too personal?)

I thing registry's are a suggestion.

It is always upto the giver what you buy. I would also not buy a sibling something from a list as I too would want something personal

But isn’t a list something the couple thought about and decided what they like to have? Just because it may be practical it doesn’t mean they enjoy using it and thinking of the person who gave it to them.

I hope you always know exactly what a person or in case of weddings a couple likes. How they live, how they decorate their house, what they enjoy doing. Even with siblings i think it is often a minefield, especially if you don’t live in each other’s pockets. Also, the groom is sometimes a bit of an unknown factor. You may see that one item like a framed painting, ornament etc, is displayed and think, Oh, they like this. But you may not know that he agreed to one due to sentimental reasons but would hate having another of the same kind.