Long history of conflict with her but I have pulled away when needed and now things are ok. Examples are constant criticism and put downs (from as far as I can remember 10 or 11 but she was bad tempered throughout early childhood - screaming and hitting). When I was studying for A levels I used the local library as it was quiet and she used to shout at me when I got home that I was drinking and often wanted me to stay at home with her.
I was always the 'good' daughter and it was only when I went to university I got away and became me. We got on fine for a few years as I lived nearer home but half hour distance. Then when I got married she caused a scene and fell in the garden while on honeymoon shouting that nobody cared about her. She got sick (a&e) on my hen which turned out to be constipation and that sort of thing.
Inevitably I dread visiting. Dh is the same. He is sick at the moment and she calls to offer support and lifts etc then asks how he is. I say ok. It's busy (I have a hard job and young dc) and she shouts back 'well how do people cope with terminal illness'as if I am being a drama queen. I can't talk to her at all. When we visit she remarks on my appearance or dc uniform yet she walks around in pjs bad mouthing the whole world.
Aghhh... Just a vent. Cutting of contact isn't an option.