Keep meeting men who don’t want relationships

[dodgeballchamp]

This is something that keeps repeatedly happening to me and my single female friends.

We’re all of a similar age (late 20s to early 30s) and I can think of at least 5 women I know, including me, who have had this happen to them repeatedly over the last couple of years. We’ll meet someone, have a few dates, it’ll go on and appear to be going well for a few weeks but the moment we mention we quite like them, they say they don’t want a relationship and spin some yarn about being hung up on an ex/having ‘issues’ they need to sort out etc but insist they do feel something (obviously rubbish). Before anyone says that it must be me/my friends putting them off, it’s even happened to me that I’ve started talking to a guy through a dating app and before we’ve even met, he’s said ‘just so you know, I don’t want a relationship’ and come out with similar reasons related to not being over something that happened with an ex. I’m bi and a woman I’ve had a few dates with (also bi) said the exact same thing happened to her with the last few men she dated.

I have nothing against having casual sex or not wanting a relationship in general - have had a couple of casual arrangements in the past myself. But I can’t get my head around this epidemic of men who had their ego dented once and can seemingly never have a relationship again - and it really does seem to be an epidemic. I don’t know a single man who actively wants a relationship, even among my male friends who I have no romantic interest in, the way they talk about dating and women is that they just can’t enter into anything because they don’t know what they want.

Anyone else had this problem/noticed this?

Just to add, I’m not telling people I want to marry them on the first date or anything that might be scaring them off!

It's not what you want to hear, but it's that they haven't found the person that they're willing to give the single life up for yet.

The prevalence of things like Tinder has amplified the problem because there is so much "choice" and people are so easily accessible - but it was there before, too.

I think they just want to date different people, and are spinning it in a way they think their would-be girlfriends will accept. Eg encouraging hope that because of “the connection” he will fall in love and eschew others.

OP, your friend had the option to end the relationship with the boyfriend who didn’t want exclusivity.

These days it’s so much harder and more expensive to get out of a relationship than to get in one
It’s quite understandable just how off putting it all is for anyone single.
I’m 11 years in to my second biggest relationship and to be honest if I was starting off today I honestly don’t think I’d be looking for a relationship either
But then I’ve had the weddings, the great bit bits, The not so great bits and the god awful gut wrenching bits, the children and the grandchildren to prove it.

If anything happens to this relationship...I really would just like a companion for dates , theatre and cinema.

I don't think this is a new thing or a London thing, I'm 45 now and been with dh 14 years,but I dated plenty of men with "relationship issues " at a similar age to you,I think it was a mixture of things, some genuinely didn't want a relationship, some had come out of serious relationships and were just after something casual, I also think some did want a relationship just not with me!When I did meet dh,there was none of this pissing around we knew from the start it was serious.

I think it depends what app you're using too. I wouldn't expect to meet the love of my life on Tinder.