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Original poster

Did anyone else have a small 30th birthday? Or none at all?

39 replies

Lockheart · 18/05/2019 14:41

This is kind of a vent / looking for ideas.

I'm 30 in a few weeks time. I don't want to do anything big or fancy. I was planning on having some drinks after work with friends, and any colleagues who want to drop in just for a drink or two. I was going to buy assorted wine / beer / canapes for everyone. Then going out into town with close friends and whoever's still around and fancies coming along. I get on well with my colleagues, if they want to come for a night out then great, but I realise lots of them have other commitments or commutes.

I don't want presents or cards, just a nice evening with friends. I don't even usually do parties (I almost ignore my birthday) but because it's my 30th it would be nice to have one.

None of my non-work friends, including my best friend, will be there. I sounded them out weeks ago to get an idea of numbers and had positive responses, but they all now can't come.

My boyfriend can't come either, although it was never 100% certain he'd be there anyway (this isn't his fault, it's a semi-LDR and he's on another continent; he works in the UK and another country).

Some of my work friends will be around. However I found out yesterday there's going to be another work party that night for someone who's been there longer than me, so I imagine most people will be at that.

I think my brother might be able to make it. My parents live out of town and aren't really party people.

I've been to friends 30ths and they've all had lovely things organised by their partner and they're all surrounded by family and friends.

I'm terrified that this is going to be like my 21st all over again, where I had everything laid out and not one person showed up. I can't bear the thought of organising something only for no-one to be there (or for a handful of colleagues to turn up and realise they've picked the loser's party).

It's not even like I can just forget the whole thing and go for a nice romantic meal with my boyfriend.

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty low today. What would you do if it were you?

OP posts:

TroysMammy · 18/05/2019 14:48

The day before my 30th I went out with work and had my drink spiked. I spent my 30th vomiting with a hangover headache from hell. Went out to a restaurant with friends in the evening and had fish and chips. The cheapest thing on the menu so I wouldn't feel even worse wasting money on an expensive dish. I drunk alcohol free cocktails (fruit juice), to get my vitamin c levels up and sat there in a stupor.

I still remember that birthday for all the wrong reasons. I don't drink alcohol any more but still enjoy fish and chips .

Pasut · 18/05/2019 14:51

I didn't do anything for my 30th, I think I caught up on a TV show I'd been watching.
If your wanting to do something low key and the stress of organising is too much why not just your favourite takeaway and a long Skype call with your boyfriend.

Zebedee88 · 18/05/2019 14:56

Hmm, for my actual 30th I was working on a boat and helped someone celebrate their 50th . Ended up being a good day though! Although it doesn't sound like many people can come on your actual date, can you do a get together the weekend before or after when more people can come? I'd there anyone you can go for a nice meal with or cinema, or the actual day? It does sound like you want a little get to gether.

Interested in this thread?

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Events & celebrations

Brandaris · 18/05/2019 14:56

I didn’t do anything for my 30th.

I think you should think about who can come, would you want to spend an evening with them? Would it still be fun?

If the answer is no then cancel, get yourself a fabulous film, cake, bubbly and your favourite takeaway and make the night special without a party. Can your boyfriend watch the film too where he is? When DH was away we sometimes did that with Skype on (muted) and it was fun.

TwllBach · 18/05/2019 14:59

I'd be tempted to fuck them all off, OP and do something nice by yourself. Is there a hotel you've always wanted to go to?

My 30th wasn't actually that bad, but I historically have had non event birthdays, but am a bit like you in that I see the world around me organising nice things for the people they love and yet no one seems to bother for me...

I'm sorry it's a bit shit, and happy birthday

TwllBach · 18/05/2019 15:00

Oh, could you fly out to spend it with your boyfriend?

NickMyLipple · 18/05/2019 15:04

Are you sure that they aren't planning a surprise party for you, hence they're 'busy'?

BottomleyPottsSpots2 · 18/05/2019 15:05

DH was in Afghanistan and I was on my own with 3 kids, youngest 6 months old. A friend sent a bunch of flowers and my workmates bought me a card which was a lovely surprise. I made myself a delicious cake and read a brilliant new book in the evening. Perfect! Do what makes you happy and bugger anyone else.

eltsihT · 18/05/2019 15:08

My ds turned 1 a fortnight before my 30th birthday. We had had a party for him and I couldn’t face another one also DH was away for work.

In the end I had a lovely lunch with DS1 and a couple of friends at pizza express then a quiet night in.

Just do what makes you happy x

CherryPavlova · 18/05/2019 15:08

I might have gone out for a meal with my husband but if I did, it wasn’t especially memorable.
I don’t understand adults making a big fuss about birthdays. That’s why the 21st is such a big event. The norm is surely that unless it’s going to be your last, birthdays become a bit of a non event until you reach 70 or 75.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 18/05/2019 15:14

I remember my 30th birthday so clearly. I'd just had a baby and had been quite unwell so I was expecting my husband to make a bit of extra fuss. As it happened I got nothing. Not one card, not one gift. Not even a phone call. I was gutted.

Going out with your brother could be fun. How about that?

MillicentMartha · 18/05/2019 15:17

I had just come back from my honeymoon on my 30th so didn’t do much at all. For my 40th a good friend was seriously ill, so a party didn’t seem appropriate. I had a brilliant party for my 50th. Joint one with a friend because we had lots of mutual friends. Saves the worry of whether anyone would turn up just for me!

HomeHell · 18/05/2019 15:19

Did nothing for my 30th and 40th.

Original poster

Lockheart · 18/05/2019 15:25

@TorysMammy that sounds fantastic despite the hangover!

@Pasut we do that anyway quite often. I don't usually celebrate my birthday, but would like to do something special for my 30th.

@Brandaris I think I can get a handful of work friends together, but I'm not sure yet.

@Zebedee88 I don't think that would make much difference to be honest - I cleared the date with them weeks ago, it's only now I'm confirming that people are pulling out. The same would probably happen if I changed the date.

@TwllBach unfortunately flying out isn't an option - I wouldn't be able to get the time off work around that date (and it's super expensive, I already checked!)

@NickMyLipple there's very little overlap between them socially. I am 100% certain there is no surprise happening.

@CherryPavlova I don't usually celebrate my birthday. I didn't have a 21st. I just wanted to do something nice for a change.

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet my brother is not the most social person. Trying to get him to meet for dinner every 6 months or so is like pulling teeth. I don't think he'd want to go out with his older sister

OP posts:

NoYo · 18/05/2019 15:25

As pp has said, maybe they're planning a surprise party?
We had a day at the races (Ascot) for my 30th which was nice.
Didnt do anything for my 40th.

Im not a party person though!

EscapeTheCastle · 18/05/2019 15:33

Under these circumstances I would book time off work and go and have a city break. UK or Europe and hit the shops and other cultural highlights.

Book your brother in for a meal out before or after and invite your parents as well.

My 30th was low key. My family don't do party's. Work was going through a bad patch at the time, and I didn't have a huge number of pals to call upon. My then fiance - now DH and I went away for a short break to somewhere a little fancy.

DelurkingAJ · 18/05/2019 15:34

Nothing. We were getting married 4 months later and I figured my friends had enough partying for me in their diaries for that year!

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 18/05/2019 15:38

My 30th was the day after the London bombings so my party was cancelled as no one could get to it. Wasn't bothered in the end and just went to a pub for drinks with colleagues.

genome · 18/05/2019 15:40

I was heavily pregnant with my third child, so we had a BBQ in the garden with my parents, sister and a few friends. I'm not really one for big parties anyway, so even if I wasn't pregnant I doubt I would have had one. I probably would have gone away with my family instead.

picklemepopcorn · 18/05/2019 15:41

I've never had a birthday event as an adult. I may meet a friend for lunch, but really nothing much.
But then, I've a husband and children around I suppose.

HoppityChicken · 18/05/2019 15:51

Other half is rarely here around my birthday and not big on birthday fuss and after too many years of fighting friends and unreliable family I've taken complete ownership of it and treat myself, by myself. Weekend away or day trip or cultural things, shopping, whatever I like. I start planning it earlier and earlier now and can't be persuaded to do anything else anymore.

BackforGood · 18/05/2019 16:03

Well, I think celebrating 30ths in a big way is only something that has come about recently. When I had mine, I did have a BBQ, but I often did for my birthday in those days, being a Summer birthday.

However, in your circumstances, if you knew it was only going to be colleagues, and then now know most will be at a another colleague's 'do', then the obvious thing is to postpone your celebrations to another day, go and join everyone at the other 'do' and then arrange what you want to do when people are available. the point is getting the people you want, together, it doesn't have to be on a particular day. Far better that it is a good time with the people you want to spend it with.
The disadvantage of my birthday is that most people are on holiday, so if I want to do a 'big birthday' then I always have it a different month altogether.

HazelBite · 18/05/2019 16:04

I didn't do anything for my 30th, I had just gone back to work full time after DS1 (mat leave was much shorter in those days) and my DM had passed away suddenly 2 months previously. I think DH got a takeaway! and I just took assorted cakes into work.
When I hit 40 I threw a party at my house for family and friends.
50th Birthday a complete disaster, said (coyly) that I didn't want a "fuss" so the birthday was ignored by everyone ie taken at my word!
60th birthday threw a big party at home for family and friends.It was hard work but a lot of fun!
OP do what you are happy doing, don't expect anything and be pleased with anyone who is happy to celebrate with you.

Shutupanddance1 · 18/05/2019 16:05

Didn’t do anything for mine as I had a baby a few weeks before. Didn’t mind tbh as I got a Chanel bag in compensation

WhipMaWhopMaGate · 18/05/2019 17:06

I was diagnosed with German Measles on my 30th, so had a very small pity party for one!

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