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Original poster

Ex forcing hair cuts on our 15 year old.

21 replies

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 10:52

He doesn’t want his hair cut. His DF insists, I think DS should have his hair how he wants?
I usually have a good relationship with EX and don’t want to jeopardise that unnecessarily but am I right to insist he doesn’t force him? It’s his hair/body after all.

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 18/05/2019 10:57

As long as he is looking after it then he should be left to it.

Summerorjustmaybe · 18/05/2019 10:59

My exh tricked my ds into having his long hair cut. He was bloody traumatised for weeks. Felt assaulted he said. He was about 13. Your ex is a total twat imo.

cheeseandpineapple · 18/05/2019 11:00

Need to pick your battles at that age. Can you say that to your ex and acknowledge it’s difficult to take a step back on some things but you both need to store your insistence for things that really matter now that your son is older?

LL83 · 18/05/2019 11:02

Yes you are right. Ds shouldn't be forced into a haircut. If it is really untidy then a tidy up might be reasonable but he shouldn't be forced to have it shorter than he wants.

Highlight to your ex he is nearly an adult and hair is not worth ruining his relationship with son.

BogglesGoggles · 18/05/2019 11:02

Well does you DS have a really inappropriate hair cut or something? By and large children that age should be left to their own devices but they do still need some guidance on style and personal hygiene etc.

klendraa · 18/05/2019 11:05

He’s 15! He should be able to say what he wants and doesn’t want

nwybhs · 18/05/2019 11:07

What do you mean by 'forcing'?

Lucked · 18/05/2019 11:11

Nobody could have forced a haircut I didn’t want on me at fifteen. What is his dad doing?

slipperywhensparticus · 18/05/2019 11:12

If he says no at the barbers what happens?

sergeilavrov · 18/05/2019 11:22

That must be dreadful for your son. If he's at the shaving stage - or about to get there, perhaps you could send him next time with a nice shaver and he could tell his dad that he is growing his hair back as he likes it like that, but would love it if his dad could teach him how to groom? It sounds like maybe your son ends up getting his hair cut to avoid jeopardising his relationship with his dad, but I'd maybe think about how good a relationship is if it can be shaken over what should be a minor thing. Sorry you and your son are going through this

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 11:34

Forcing as in insisting, he’s not going to physically hold him down or anything he’s just making DS feel like he has no choice.
His hair is just a bit longish, nothing outlandish really. His Dad just doesn’t like the style DS has, he likes a long ruffled fringe.

OP posts:

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 11:35

DS likes the fringe not EX I mean

OP posts:

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 11:36

It’s very like this but slightly shorter.

Ex forcing hair cuts on our 15 year old.

OP posts:

Obviouspretzel · 18/05/2019 11:46

He sounds like a massive controlling prick. A 15 year old should be choosing their own haircuts and clothes etc.

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 11:58

He’s not usually, pretty laid back with most things but for some reason this is one thing he thinks he has final say on as a parent. Bit stupid really!
I’ve called him but no answer so going to send a text and tell him to leave it.

OP posts:

ReganSomerset · 18/05/2019 12:04

I'd point out to DS that no one can force him to get a haircut and he can say no. I don't know that I'd go to his dad about it though - I can't envisage it making any difference except perhaps making co-parenting harder.

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 12:06

It might make things harder for a while but I can deal with that in order to support DS.

OP posts:

UnicornDaisy · 18/05/2019 12:25

At 15 your son is able to make his own mind up regarding his hair. I think you will have to speak to your ex and explain that your son should not be forced and you will not support any such decision to do so. Hopefully you can talk about it in a way that does not jeopardise your future relationship

Original poster

Puffkin · 18/05/2019 18:38

Quick update, had a chat with Ex and he’s actually been quite reasonable, I guess I was just a bit nervous of rocking the boat. He’s said he just wants DS to look smart but hadn’t realised how strongly DS felt about his hair and thought he was just being a stroppy teen not wanting to do something just because he’d been told to.
He won’t be so insistent with him in future and has apologised to DS and told me not to worry about upsetting him (ex) if I think he’s being a dick about anything just to say it. He’s mellowed in the 12 years since we split apparently.

OP posts:

Catchingbentcoppers · 18/05/2019 18:44

Good outcome OP, he sounds like he's not been a dick about it after all. I'm glad he's apologised to your DS too.

UnicornDaisy · 18/05/2019 18:45

@Puffkin That's a great update! Sounds like your ex husband is a reasonable man who is willing to accept when he is wrong and has a lot of respect for you hence him taking it all on the chin. It will ensure your DS continues to feel comfortable talking to his parents about things knowing that his opinion matters and you can all come to an agreement on things without drama.

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