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Original poster

Oh my god the whinging! How do I make it stop

29 replies

Belleende · 18/05/2019 08:22

My nearly 4 yo DD has started whinging on an epic scale. From first thing in the morning until she goes to bed.

I usually employ a strategy of picking my battles, I hold firm on things like snacks and TV, but other stuff ( I waaaaannnntt the blllluuuueee oneaaa), I won't fight over. I do make her ask properly before conceding to any demands.

I have tried talking to her about how annoying and ineffective the whinging is. Tired ignoring it. Nothing seems to make a difference. Any ideas? My patience with her is wafer thin.

OP posts:
ButterflyBitch · 18/05/2019 08:23

My 5 year old is doing the same thing. She’s been told and we do all the same things as you.
I’ve started whining back at her. Probably childish but she smiles so she must be aware how ridiculous it sounds.

goose1964 · 18/05/2019 08:26

Don't give in to the whining , it will initially get worse but when she realises it doesn't work it will stop.

DeathMetalMum · 18/05/2019 08:32

Dd2 whined at everything from about 3 1/2/4 until quite recently she's now 6. Despite having a huge vocabulary and being able to communicate perfectly. 'Oh sorry I can't understand you when you use that voice.' Or Can you use a nice voice/sentence please? Became my response through gritted teeth. Still happens occasionally when dd is tired, I know a lot of it stemmed from tiredness espically after school/pre-school.

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Original poster
Belleende · 18/05/2019 08:40

Oh god is this going to last years? I do the whole "what is that noise, I can't hear what you are saying" thing and she will then ask properly, but will just whinge again for the next thing.

OP posts:
qazxc · 18/05/2019 08:43

I feel your pain OP.
Am also hoping that DD grows out of it soon.

BigRedBoat · 18/05/2019 08:49

My 4 ½ year old is the same, whingeing over really pointless stuff like 'I waaaaant a driiiiiiink', when I say 'how do we ask nicely' she will say 'can I have a drink please' - it's just so pointlessly annoying to whinge first!

birdling · 18/05/2019 08:50

My ds started it at 3 and is still doing it at 5. 😭

HumphreyCobblers · 18/05/2019 08:51

Oh god it is awful.

"Happy voice please DS!" and repeat ad infinitum for years.....

granhands1 · 18/05/2019 09:46

When mine were at that stage I used to pretend that I couldn't hear it, so I would tell them "nope sorry I didn't quite get that, what did you say? Can't hear what you are saying in that tone of voice". It wasn't always successful Smile

AlwaysTimeForWine · 18/05/2019 10:03

My response was "I'm sorry, I don't speak Whinese, if you can use clear words and manners then maybe I can help!"

And if they carried on I just walked away into another room or completely ignored.

You have to stay firm and consistent and they'll get bored.

CallItLoneliness · 18/05/2019 10:09

"You need to use your strong voice when you ask for something". Record the whinging and play it back, and record a not whinging voice so she knows the difference. Praise use of the strong voice. All of these strategies will make you feel like you're doing something while you wait it out :D (sorry OP...)

MumUnderTheMoon · 18/05/2019 10:18

I tell my daughter that I don't speak whinge and she can come and speak to me when she is using her proper voice.

CakeNinja · 18/05/2019 10:19

Hahaha @ whinese Grin
So accurate!
I agree with ignoring it and asking for a repeat in English. Stay firm and do it every time.
Mine are all older now but my god I remember the relentless whingey voice. Sending Wine and much patience Flowers

SmarmyMrMime · 18/05/2019 10:31

Only polite requests. No whinging or demanding. 6yo is in a phase of it. Sigh.

Wonkybanana · 18/05/2019 10:41

When your child whines and you say 'ask nicely', that teaches them that getting what they want follows a pattern - whinge, nicely, get. They see the whinge first as an integral part of the sequence.

So when they whinge, just say no, they don't get what they want when they behave like that. Then leave them to work out for themselves that they have to change tack. That way you break the cycle.

supersop60 · 18/05/2019 10:47

Yes - the whining gets no response.
Be quick to praise the 'asking nicely' as well.
It takes a long time, but it works. Grit your teeth and be strong.

Bunnylady53 · 18/05/2019 10:55

I worked at a primary school years ago & there was a child of I think 7 who whined constantly. The teacher recorded her in the end & she was really shocked at how she sounded. It didn’t stop completely but helped a lot

Mac47 · 18/05/2019 11:18

Mine was told I would not speak to her if she couldn't speak to me properly, which meant I didn't even have to do battle, I just totally ignored her every single time. Can't bear whingeing, winds me right up.

Wellhellojonsnow · 18/05/2019 11:44

Just read the thread and will also try the tips thanks. My 4yo DS is either shouting or whinging and not a lot in between. He doesn’t do this at pre school (which I guess is a good thing) but he saves it up for me. I am hoping he grows out if it soon 🙏🏻😩

ReganSomerset · 18/05/2019 11:46

'I want never gets'

And repeat.

IHeartKingThistle · 18/05/2019 12:06

Yeah I just pretended I couldn't understand them. Worked pretty quickly.

mbosnz · 18/05/2019 12:11

I cut them off and tell them they need to talk to me in their normal voice, I'm not listening to that one, thanks.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/05/2019 13:41

When my Gdd (4) whines, I tell her I can't hear her unless she speaks properly. If she doesn't get the message, I whine back - louder and whinier, to make the point about how God awful it is. That will usually crack her up and stop it - for the moment anyway.

UnaOfStormhold · 18/05/2019 16:47

Playing "looking for your strong voice" worked a treat here: point 3 here www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/preschoolers/Life-Preschooler/pre-empt-whining

NoWordForFluffy · 18/05/2019 17:05

We also say we can't understand anything spoken in a whiney voice.

They rub each other up the wrong way sometimes and then it's a total whine-fest (DD is 6 next month and DS 5 in July).

It soon stops when we tell them we won't tolerate it.