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Original poster

Baby no 6?

25 replies

Bigbrood4 · 17/05/2019 14:23

I have just discovered I am pregnant with baby no 6 and I’m in quite a bit of shock.
My youngest has just turned 4.
Me and my husband both have very good careers and earn a decent wage, so financially I’m not too concerned but I’m just not sure if I want another child. We had quite a few fun things planned for the rest of the year, some of which will have to be cancelled if I continue the pregnancy and I don’t want to let down my children that I already have. I already feel so guilty that they don’t all get enough time with us.
I also worry about what people think of us, and I know that’s no one else’s business but ours, people make it their business and it does bother me. Although we both support our family through work I can’t help but feel selfish.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking here, maybe if people have experienced the same and can reassure me or share their experiences? I don’t know - I just feel so desperately sad at the moment about the whole situation

OP posts:

FiremanKing · 17/05/2019 14:38

How is it a shock?

You can’t be blasé about a human life at stake! If you and your husband are in a loving relationship then your having one more child wont make that much difference to your status quo after a couple of years.

If you have five then one more will round your family off nicely, especially as you don’t have financial worries.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 17/05/2019 14:45

@firemanking

The OP is hardly blase. What an awful term to use towards her.

OP, discussing this situation with your husband is the only way forward. What you both feel is the best path for your family going forward.

Summerorjustmaybe · 17/05/2019 14:48

As a dm of many, number 6 was a welcome addition. Easier in some ways than 5-no middle dc! Everyone had a partner!! If you can afford it then go for it. I went on holiday abroad and came home with 3 weeks to spare once! Being pregnant isn't always a hindrance as I am sure you know!!
My dc love being part of a big family.
No regrets and I didn't stop at 6!!

Interested in this thread?

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Families

FiremanKing · 17/05/2019 15:03

@IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord

Maybe blasé was the wrong word. I apologise.

What I meant was that a human life is worth more than cancelling a few days out one year when the op said. “We had quite a few fun things planned for the rest of the year, some of which will have to be cancelled if I continue the pregnancy......”

outvoid · 17/05/2019 15:25

Oh come off it fireman, it’s currently a blastocyst. She’s not talking about killing one of her children so they don’t ruin family trips out ffs.

If you and your DH think you can cope financially and emotionally then go for it. Nobody’s business but your own really. I can’t see why or how six is so different from five in terms of people judging.

Original poster

Bigbrood4 · 17/05/2019 15:48

It’s not just a few days out it’s a very expensive family holiday that we would not be able to go on due to the edd and I feel guilty for my children.

I can assure you I am not blasé about the situation - quite the opposite. My children are very important to me and I guess maybe I was just expressing some of the feelings that i have regarding an expanding family.

We faced judgement on number 5 and your right it’s not much different but again it’s one of those things that we have ‘got over’ after four years. I’m just not sure I’m prepared for all of the negativity and comments to start all over again and especially in my job as a midwife, people feel like they can openly comment on my pregnancies

OP posts:

FiremanKing · 17/05/2019 16:12

outvoid

*Oh come off it fireman, it’s currently a blastocyst. She’s not talking about killing one of her children so they don’t ruin family trips out

That’s at utterly repugnant view to think of a life as a blastocyst. Life begins at fertilization, when a sperm unites with an oocyte.

teyem · 17/05/2019 16:15

You don't round up a family to even out the numbers

Each child requires a huge amount of care, nurture, guidance and this doesn't reduce based on the number of children you already have - or at least it ought not to. It's not a fucking assembly line that is scalable with a few tweaks.

I really don't think the pro-life crowd give a fuck about the quality of the life of the mother, the existing family nor the life of the child that they think they're saving.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 17/05/2019 16:18

As you can already see, there are always some extreme voices that come out for these kind of posts.

I'm one of 5, have 4 and totally support big families, and while I support abortion as a choice, never thought it would be right for me. However recently we had a pregnancy scare and if the pregnancy had continued (it was a chemical pregnancy), I would have terminated, as we are already stretched to give enough attention to the children we have, and I prioritised them over a potential child. DH also finally agreed to a vasectomy!
However with more support or a ton more money we would have continued..

What does your DH think? His thoughts might help. Or I spoke with the free and very confidential Marie Stopes phone line and found them totally unbiased and really helpful for framing my own thoughts. They'll talk to you as often as you need until you have made a decision one way or another.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Summerorjustmaybe · 17/05/2019 16:19

When you decide to have a big family, and 4 is already above average, seeing the positives is already different to how a family who think 2 is enough.

I have 11 and refuse to be judged. The op has to live with her decision nobody else.
Just wondering how she will feel after the holiday if she is basing her decision to terminate on that...

Happyspud · 17/05/2019 16:24

Fireman, a post like this is not the place for your pro-life soapbox. Your tone and obtuse response is completely unnecessary too.

OP, it’s a shock and I know myself with my biggish family how ready I am for my life to move forward. How hard it would be to put our family into reverse again to accommodate a new baby. But maybe with a little time to get your head around it and remake your plans you’ll feel a bit different. Or maybe you’ll decide you are clear on not wanting to expand your family and that’s fine too. But you do need a little time to talk and think with your DH. Good luck deciding. There’s no wrong answer.

Happyspud · 17/05/2019 16:26

For gods sake, she’s not ‘deciding to terminate based on a summer bloody holiday’. That’s deliberately provocative and simplistic.

Strokethefurrywall · 17/05/2019 17:02

That’s at utterly repugnant view to think of a life as a blastocyst. Life begins at fertilization, when a sperm unites with an oocyte.

According to you. Funnily enough, others have a different view and it's not a "repugnant" view as you so eloquently put.

orangeblosssom · 17/05/2019 17:19

Fireman, not everyone loves in Alabama.
Thank goodness OP has a choice.

stucknoue · 17/05/2019 17:26

Only you can decide. you aren't worried about money so it comes mostly down to family dynamics.

Termination is so personal, I think as long as it's first trimester and considered carefully then it's fine, just use bc from now on, permanent if you don't want more kids. But if you can't do it then that's your choice too and people may comment on your large family, but they soon find something else to gossip about.

MattMagnolia · 17/05/2019 20:43

My dc did not appreciate being a big family, they constantly complained of their lack of shallow material possessions. I chose our lifestyle when they were babies and it turned out their values were very different.

TrixieFranklin · 17/05/2019 20:50

Maybe have this moved to pregnancy choices OP you've got to do what's best for you and your existing family. What does DH think?

VladmirsPoutine · 17/05/2019 21:49

These threads are very polarising. Often brings out some batshit commentary.

In anycase , I've always thought once you go over 2dc then all bets are off.

I wouldn't forgo a 6th child because of an expensive holiday, but I would forgo a 6th child if I knew in my heart of hearts I just didn't want it.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 17/05/2019 21:57

MattMagnolia

MattMagnolia you sound very judgmental. I know families who have many kids and it's wonderful. In my family it was hard because my parents weren't temperamentally or financially suited for 5 dcs. But we didn't always complain about the lack of attention, often instead that was displaced into complaining about something more material - so sadness that mum never made it to a football match became a whinge about wanting new football boots. I do worry about this myself with 4 DCs, and also whether they're going to hate us for the environmental impact of having them in the first place.

In any case op, you are the best judge about whether in your case, you have the time, energy, finances and support for another child, and the impact on your existing family. Whatever you decide, you sound like a loving mother and you will make the best of it

nwybhs · 17/05/2019 21:59

I have just discovered I am pregnant with baby no 6 and I’m in quite a bit of shock.

How can you be in shock? After already having 5 of them surely you know how it happens!

CherryPlum · 17/05/2019 22:00

What if it's twins 😮

DulcieRay · 17/05/2019 22:12

Have you ever had or considered having a termination? I think that's your most important question here. Because if you wouldn't have a termination then that's a completely different conversation. Only you can know that. It's between you and whatever you do or don't believe

Regardless it's ok to feel stressed, frustrated, disappointed, excited, scared, happy, sad, angry, unsure, or any other which way about this. Just make sure you've made your peace by the time you need to make a decision/ meet baby. And it really doesn't matter two hoots to a mum mob on the internet whether the deciding vote is a holiday or not, that's up to you to decide (not that it's ever about just a holiday IYSWIM).

Good luck whatever you decide. I'm sure you will do whatever's right for your family.

Ginger1982 · 17/05/2019 22:14

Luckily @FiremanKing, we live in a country where abortion is still the woman's choice and is legal. Take your pro-life chat elsewhere.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 17/05/2019 22:23

It’s fine to believe life starts at conception, it’s fine to feel it starts later, what’s irritating is the angry rudeness to each other. THATS what’s inappropriate on this thread. OP is pregnant and looking for support not a trot through pro-life/pro-choice rhetoric.

Specksbecks · 16/04/2020 19:28

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with no 6 and am also expecting people to say things. I’m already known as the breeder in my family but I couldn’t imagine having just 2 children like a lot of people couldn’t imagine having 6. I would be soooo bored. I work part time but worked full time before my last. I presume now the lady has either had her baby or didn’t. I’ve had abortions in the past and won’t be doing this time as I’m in a loving and happy relationship in which we have a child together. My previous children were from a couple of previous, not great relationships. I think people should just do what they want and as long as they can love each child with all there heart then it will be fine. This will be the last though. The tubes will be getting tied after this.

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