What do you do if your child can't go to nursery?

[NCBabyBoy]

DS hasn't had a very successful start to his nursery career, as he seems to have caught everything going. Combined with the fact that our nursery seem overly cautious (don't want him coming in with oral thrush), both DH and I feel like we've taken all the annual/unpaid leave we feel comfortable with. I was wondering what other people do in these situations? We don't have family nearby that could help out tempted to fly my mother in though DS will be a with a neighbour/friend tomorrow, but I really hated having to ask her. Are there nanny agencies or similar that are prepared to look after sick kids? What about if they have contagious things like D&V?

No one else with this problem?

Nannies will look after sick children.

You can try childcare.co.uk to source your own.

Or sitter.co.uk if you'd prefer an agency (probably more likely to have success with this route if it's just the occasional day).

Or just Google 'emergency nanny' or 'emergency childcare' and see what comes up in your area.

Or ask around, if you know anyone who has a nanny or au pair.

You're very, very unlikely to get one person to cover all absences, but you can get a pool of 4 or 5 nannies that he/you know to hopefully cover most of the time off.

It's very common for them to be sick a lot in the early days, but it will settle down!

Here's what I do:

Ask if I can make the time up at work another day (guess would depend on your jobs if this is possible, maybe easier if you are part time too)

Unpaid leave

Family help

Take annual leave

How happy are you with the childcare setting? Some are less strict, perhaps have a look around some other options?

The first winter after I went back to work, my 2 had everything going. All of my annual leave went on sick days, I worked evenings and weekends to make up hours, I took unpaid leave... it was a fecking hideous winter.

As the PP said, it settles down. It gets easier.

Sorry, that's no solution but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

The first year or two at nursery is horrendous!! I remember it being continuous, if it’s any help it does get better. My eldest is in yr1 and hasn’t had a day off school yet, his first year of nursery though I think he was off more than in.

We were in the same position with no help nearby so we took it in turns to be off if needed and took annual leave where possible. It’s hard but does get easier!

I spoke to a pharmacist through 111 who said he can go in with thrush, which the nursery have agreed to. I am really happy with them, and there's only really one other nursery that would work for us, and I prefer our current one.

I can't make up the time (teacher) so I've taken unpaid leave (it's GCSE season so I dread to think how my manager feels about me at the moment...). DH has used up a fair bit of annual leave.

I'll have a look at those websites, thanks! It's so hard to tell which ones are legit and which ones aren't!

Well known fact that teachers children never have a day off. Calpol and send them in.

Black currant - but that just exacerbates the situation as then the other children get sick.

But yes, you just have to accept they get sick during the first 6/8 months at nursery. You also have to have very big ears and dob in the other parents who try and bring sick children in.

I’m afraid I’m in the calpol/nurofen and send them in camp. DS1 been in nursery since he was 4 months old and only been off twice that I can recall - once with a nasty virus and once after a single episode of vomiting. Other than that it’s just colds, so to nursery he goes!

Nursery are unlikely to send a child home with a cold. It more likely D&V and that sort of thing. You might be able to hide that at school, but not at daycare where the staff are changing his nappy....they will know if he has the runs!!

Another option is a childminder - fewer children there and our kids got sick less often than friends' children in nurseries, also our childminder was more flexible and less strict than local nuraeries with illnesses.

Sometimes nursery sickness policies are in excess of the recommended childcare exclusion recommendations from public health England, and you can end up needing days off when that isn't medically evidence based.

This is an unhelpful response but the situation you describe is one of the reasons we took the childminder route in the end. Obviously she won't take our DC if they are very ill/have D&V or anything contagious but she will have them if they are a bit under the weather and just need to chill on the sofa or take it easy. There have been several occasions when I know a nursery would not have allowed them to attend but our CM has been fine with it.

The first few months at nursery tend to be the hardest it seems in terms of picking up bugs so hopefully it will calm down soon. You can console yourself with the fact he's building up his immune system...

You’re not alone. We were very lucky in our first six months of DD being at nursery, but in the past two months she has been constantly sick. And not just colds, D&V, awful viruses that made her extremely poorly, conjunctivitis (she still went in during that). This evening she has been sick. It’s definitely not a stomach bug though, just the result of coughing a lot, and so tomorrow I’m almost certain I’ll send her to nursery with some Calpol in her.

I’m about to start a new job and I’m terrified. All we can do is use all our annual leave and hope it gets better. Appreciate it’s less easy as a teacher to use annual leave.

I know it’s difficult once they have settled in, but this evening I was debating moving to a childminder or a nanny share to end this cycle of illness.

First week he missed a day because he had bronchiolitis with vomiting due to the coughing and was genuinely sick. When he had recovered we sent him in and he ran a temperature and was off the next day. Second week he managed a whole week, but last Saturday he spent the whole day hurling, same on Monday, so he hasn't been in this week (doesn't go on Wednesday).

I feel crap enough already for taking time off, no need to tell me teachers' kids never have time off I'm happy to give him Calpol and send him in (will probably happen tomorrow), but there are limits to what is possible. I really don't feel it's fair to break the nursery rules about 48-hour exclusion after D/V for example, I'd be very unhappy if kiddo came home with that from nursery!

Have signed up with sitters.co.uk and will register with Tinies as well. And in case anyone is wondering: yes, we did get medical help for his vomming He is just a very sickness prone child it seems!

You can’t thank people like Wellweasel and Blackcurrant for your child getting sick so much at nursery. It’s that kind of selfish attitude that means all the children get sick so frequently and causes the whole problem.
Aside from getting nursery to frequently remind parents to obey the sickness exclusion rules your best hope is probably one of the agencies or to find a friend or neighbour who is happy to have them if you can reciprocate in some way (not childcare necessarily but something that helps them out). We have a lovely elderly neighbour who I wouldn’t ask to mind an actually sick DC but is happy to help out once they are well but still excluded or running a random temperature. In return DH does various things that involve heavy lifting or standing on ladders and she occasionally comes to us for dinner. We are really lucky with this but you may find someone you could have a similar arrangement with.
It is hard and for the first year DH and I frequently had the ‘who’s meetings are more important’ conversation to decide who was staying home - that’s not really an option when you are teaching though.

Can thank - obviously!!

@drwhy if I kept my child off with every cough and cold they’d never be in nursery! Obviously I wouldn’t send them in with D&V or something like chicken pox, but with a self limiting viral illness of course I would, just as I wouldn’t take time off work with a heavy cold.

You probably should take time off with a heavy cold tbh.

I agree a light cold/case of the sniffles send them in with some calpol.

If you kept children off everytime they had a snotty nose or a cough, school attendance between October and March would be about 20%!

We have an absolutely wonderful neighbour who goes above and beyond and has helped us out with so many things since DS's arrival! "Unfortunately" she is also extremely self-sufficient so there's little we can offer her that she can't do herself. I do try to help her out with home educating her son, but it's nothing formal. I suppose I could ask if she would like to formalise it. Will also make a point of offering to walk her bonkers dog a bit more. And all the booze

Yeap it’s the selfish people above who make the situation worst. We have to have a nanny to manage the situation. My sister uses emergency nannies agencies (her employer gives 10 free days), it does cost her firm £200 per day.

Cry. Try to persuade child to become better. Check obsessively for symptoms. Become convinced of suffering symptoms myself.
Generally nursery accept child (d&v obviously doesn't count).
If d&v, actually give up on life and curse universe, call nursery and explain that child is properly sick. Toy with idea of taking d&v child to work. Realise that will never work, plus would be sacked for introducing d&v into the local secondary school, which will then spread to the next school... and the next... consider all different scenarios. End up calling in sick as the stress of trying to figure out what to do has actually caused sickness...
Lose job. Cry. Curse existence. Try to claw back job. Boss agrees...
and repeat. Until boss fires you.

I had this problem. My dd started at a nursery as a baby and was constantly sick with various viruses. It got to the stage where I was taking her in even if she was a bit unwell because i couldn’t take more time off work (lone parent) but obviously couldn’t/wouldn’t when she was really unwell. In the end I got a nanny and felt very fortunate to be in a position to do so.