Talking to my 10 yo DD about periods - advice please.

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About a year ago I had a chat with DD about periods. She didn't seem to want to engage so I left it thinking she was a bit too young.

The other day she told me she had hairs growing down below which made me think her periods could be imminent.

So I had another chat with her. I've got her a book called Girls Only and some Lillets teens pads. I showed her the pads and asked if she wanted to look at the book with me. She looked very uncomfortable and said she didn't want to.

So I put the book and pads in her drawer in her bedroom and said she knew where it was if she wanted / needed them.

I'm a bit disappointed because we've got a really good relationship and talk about everything. But I feel I've failed with this one.

Any advice?

You haven't failed at all. It's a really embarrassing subject for young girls, especially as they don't fully understands what it means.
You sound like your doing the right thing by not pushing it with her at this stage. You could leave it a week or so and casually ask if she has had chance to look at the book yet. If she has you could ask her is there was anything she wanted to discuss in it or didn't understand. You could also tell her it's nothing to be embarrassed about and it's just a fact of life these things happens to girls/women and it's better to be prepared. Or something along those lines x

You have not failed well done for getting the book and pads. When I was that age I was so embarrassed but my mum kept reassuring me that it was normal and nothing to be ashamed of and eventually I could speak to her.

I think all you can do is persevere really. Let her have her pads, and invite her to a conversation when possible

I’ve been talking to my dd about them since she was 4...she saw mine and asked why I was bleeding really upset.

She’s 6 now and we still talk about it and I’ve even mentioned it will happen to her but I know she won’t take any real interest until it happens to her

I think you’ve done what you can. She’ll look at the book on her own and sounds like you have a good relationship so she can ask you questions.
School covered everything in great detail for my daughter (and son). She was more open about it then and showed me the pack they gave her which included pads etc. But when the time came she gave me a very meaningful look. I guessed and we had the stuff as I knew it was imminent. However we’ve never talked about it in detail as she knew all the facts and is embarrassed about it. Mind you I’ve always been open and straightforward when they were younger asking where babies come from. I do remember my son asking how the daddy got the sperm into the mommy and not being too impressed with the answer and my daughter being fairly horrified!
I really recommend the menstrual panties you can get on Amazon that look normal but have a leak proof barrier. They are great to use with pads or tampons and offer a level of security for leaks or especially in the first year or so when it’s unpredictable.

You definitely haven't failed! Talking about it gradually is definitely the best approach. She's still really young and it'll all seem a bit scary to her at the moment. My dd was about the same age when I first spoke to her about it and she brushed it off pretty quickly. Over the next few months she started asking questions and eventually we had a proper conversation about it when she was ready. She started her periods just before her 13th birthday (and a good year and a half after she started getting pubic hair) and she took it completely in her stride. Don't forget it will also get covered at school at various points too.

I bought a book called hair in funny places. It's aimed at younger children but my ten yr old thinks its hilarious and discusses the book with me to giggle over!
We had the chat a few years ago as she has a phobia of blood and I was really worried about how she would react. At first she was horrified but she has slowly come round to the idea.
Just give your daughter time to digest what you have told her and for her to read the book. I'm pretty sure she will have heard things on the playground too.

Good to give her the book but don't be so serious. Obvs you don't talk about yours or she would be used to the idea. Surely she can't have missed ass on tv, and girls talk to each other.
Just make reference to how good it is she's growing up and it's great being a girl, she knows she can speak to you. Good luck.

I have boys who have known about periods at an age appropriate level since they started asking what my tampons and sanitary towels were. It used to make us laugh when ds2 who would have been about ten, whenever I was in a ‘bad mood’ would ask ‘are you on your period?’. So I have no experience with girls as you can see, so what I’m going to suggest all girls mums may say no!!

But firstly you’ve put the book in her drawer, I can guarantee you she will look- kids are curious creatures! Could you bring it up about ‘period poverty’ in the news, I’m sure the children’s news- newsround, covered it very well. Maybe talk about how the next time you do a food shop you can make some donations of sanitary items to the food bank. Get her thinking not just about her, but all young girls who are experiencing it, how difficult it can be for them to access sanitary provision etc. So you aren’t talking about ‘her’ and ‘her periods’ but periods in society. Maybe she will open up a little more, if it’s not directed at her?🤷🏻‍♀️

I would check with her teacher what is on the curriculum at school and just drop the subject if it’s sufficient.

Check and find out what school have taught, many have a nurse come in and talk to the girls - it's often easier than hearing it from your mum! I simply keep pads and tampons in the bathroom drawer which means they don't have the embarrassment of having to ask for them. They both told me when they started but didn't want to engage with it before

DD would have been about 9 I think when I was asked this question. I explained about the womb getting ready to support a baby every month, so the womb gets lined with blood, in case you get pregnant, and when you don't get pregnant that month, the blood comes out in the form of a period. I was very factual about it and she listened intently. Afterwards I asked her had I grossed her out and she said 'No, it was very informative really). She didn't actually get her first period until about a year ago (aged 13).

It can also be useful to tell her she can shave underarm hair if she wants to etc.

I never mentioned myself in all this. I think they can get grossed out when you mention it in terms of Mammy. It's better if you mention it in terms of herself.

We've had similar with my 9yo (Y5) and we bought the 'Care and Keeping of You Volume 1' book and journal. She didn't want to chat so I've just left her with it. I've not given her any pads yet but have bought the Lillet Teen ones and a little bag to put them in. Will just be taking our lead from her really.

Good idea about keeping a stock in the bathroom Dd can reach (mine are at the top just because that was the easiest place for them). Might pop a little basket on the side, then if she has friends to visit, then they can use them too if needed (without having to ask).

I think you’re doing fine! My DD was really embarrassed by it to start. As long as you’ve told her the basics I wouldn’t worry. Enjoy your otherwise close relationship, she’ll probably open up more about it as she gets older.

Thank you everyone. I feel a bit better now.

She told me they had been taught about it at school and asked me if I still had periods. So I told her yes.

So hopefully she knows enough and I'll take the lead from her.

Yes I'm planning on buying the period pants and swimming costumes for her because I don't want her to have to deal with leaks or feel she can't swim. (I don't want her having to use tampons if she doesn't want to).

But I thought I'd wait to buy those until she actually starts because if I buy some to fit her now, if she doesn't start for another couple of years, they'll be too small. And if I buy them in a bigger size, I assume they won't be comfortable and/or work effectively.

If you have a younger DD, tell them when they are about 4. Then there’s no embarrassment and they will “always” have known it. Lots of my friends have had similar issues with girls aged about 10 and honestly I think it’s better tackled when it can be laughed about rather than a source of embarrassment.

Well at the age of 10 she’s either already had the talk at school or will be due it soon. So leave it to school and see if she has any questions then. My mum
Never told me anything. School taught me about periods. I’m
More open with my children .... sex is a regular subject at our dining table at the moment. However, you need to wait until she wants to talk about it but accept she may be alright not talking about it at all.

My DD is also 10, I explained it in a really factual way, its function/purpose etc. Bought her a book, which she has squirreled away.
No need to discuss further for now. If she wants more info, she'll ask.
I'm sure your DD will do the same when she's ready.

Thank you.

One thing I remember my mum doing was getting the pads out of the packaging, showing me how a tampon expands in a sink full of water. It kept it factual and I was interested in the practicalities, it made it less embarrassing for me.