Dilemma re giving names to another parent

[Spinnaret]

Deliberately going to try and keep this vague as it has potential to be outing/news fodder.

DS2 had a 'threat' made against him by a classmate at school yesterday. Threat is not credible, they are too young and the classmate clearly didn't understand what he was saying. His parents have taken it seriously, and are going in to school to discuss further, no issue there. DS2 is not bothered, he knew it was bad language and not a thing to say to anyone.

The wording used in the threat was vile, misogynistic language, and it has been established that it was picked up from an older boy in the school. The 'threatening' child has given details to his parents, but I do not know the name.

DS1 is in the same year group as the older child and has experienced bullying this year, and there have been many incidents of disruptive behaviour from a small number of the boys in this year grouo. School do not seem able to get a grip on them and stop the problems.

Parents of other child have asked if I will share the names of the problem children in DS1 year. They will not share name of the child that taught theirs this language with me.

Would you share the names? I want the trouble in DS1 year to stop, but not sure it is right to be passing names around to other parents as these boys may have had nothing to do with the above.

Thanks.

Nope, let the school deal with it. Not a good idea sharing this stuff with other parents.

No it's really not your place but I would maybe speak to the school though and let them know that other parents are concerned about this too and have asked you for details, they may want to ensure that they are 'seen' to be proactive against bullying and language across the whole year group.

Also I am pretty sure the parents could just ask their kids for details if they really just wanted more info. My experience of being a teen and mother of a teen is that kids will always have way more information than the adults do.

Their child has already given his parents the name of the boy who he learned it from, so they are already able to discuss the specifics of their individual concerns with the school.

This is not swearing or foul language, by the way, but a very specific violent threat. Not something I ever expected my DS to be exposed toat junior school in our comfortable middle class bubble.

I want to be able to also speak to the school, given that DS2 was the one who was 'threatened', so now both my children are affected. Don't know how to approach it though without knowing who it was that taught the other child.

Your DS1 has given you the names of the children who cause him problems. Presumably you have passed these on to the school when discussing him. So when the parents of the younger boy talk to the school they will know about this boy already, if they are the same child.
Even if you haven’t spoken to school about the behaviour they presumably know who is involved. I’m not sure why you or other parents knowing names from different events is necessary, as I don’t see that the events are connected.

That sounds horrible, I am sorry. I’d approach the school without all the names and say just what you have here - this indicates a disturbing pattern, other parents have approached you to ask for names but you are relying on the school to get a grip very quickly and what can they tell you to reassure you that this is the case. I imagine they won’t be able to give details about specific children but they should certainly be able to share their (immediate and longer term) plans around whole-school approaches to ending gender-based violence, for instance.