NC for this. Tonight my final straw has been broken but now I need advice.
When I was 19, I became pregnant after only 6 months of a relationship with DP who was 26 at the time. We’re now 22 and 29 respectively. At the time, we became close because we worked together and went out partying together. After a few months he told me to stop taking my contraception and because of a very difficult upbringing (foster care and abuse) I did that.
When I found out I was pregnant (day I missed my period so v early) I stopped drinking / smoking instantly. I was so happy to be pregnant even though I didn’t fully grasp the situation and my son is now almost 2 and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I honestly don’t think I would be here if it wasn’t for him. He gave me a reason to become a better person and to better my life. I’m now starting Uni in September because of him.
My partner didn’t ever stop partying. I would go get him from nights out while I was pregnant, he would make me sit at the bar and wait for him to be done and women would come up to me and tell me to leave him before things got worse. Obviously at that point I didn’t understand and got very annoyed with them saying that.
My parents told me to leave him but instead I moved in with him and we had our baby. He never gave me any money towards things like food, nappies etc, so I had to go back to work when my mat pay stopped at 7 months PP, but worked hours around him. For the last year and a half i’ve worked in the early morning, then driven him to work, had my son all day and done all the house and usual stuff, had to drive to pick him up from work then do dinner, bedtime routine usually all on my own. He would get huffy because he’s been working all day (11-5ish) and at least an hour of that would be sat in a car.
He always tells me I’m a bad mum for not taking my son out to classes and groups. I tried a few and really didn’t like them. My anxiety is through the roof when I’m around other mums, I compare myself to them and feel so shit so I just stopped going. I would take him to the park instead and play with him in the house.
There have been times where he would get blind drunk, take cocaine (always after baby was in bed though so i thought not so bad) and I naively thought everytime that he would change. He went to AA for a month and a drug / alcohol therapy session for a few weeks. The thing is when he was sober he was so lovely and I longed for those times and really wanted him to come right. I didn’t want a broken family like I had. He never went near my sons room once he was asleep and didnt take drugs or get too drunk until he was in bed so I couldn’t see any real danger. It was only on average once a month this would happen.
I called the police a few times because he got aggressive (never hit me) and Would say some horrible things to me. I’ve put about 4 stone on since I met him and he knows thats the one thing that really upsets me so he uses that. Anyway the police got SS involved and they’ve closed their cases twice as they saw he was improving (true).
He threatened to kill himself a few weeks ago while fucked so I called an ambulance. Social services became involved again. He isn’t allowed to see DSS (7) because of that incident and he blames me. We used to have DSS often, then less often because I’m the only one who drives and I work times when I can’t take him to school now. He blames me for that too I think. At various times during all this I’ve had a few spliffs, never loads just to calm my anxiety while all this has been happening and only ever a week or so at a time (so 3/4 weeks in total of smoking weed). I’m not proud of it and I see that it was a childish way of dealing with everything.
Now I’ve told him I won’t lie to SS about how much he’s drinking (said he wants help clearly doesnt) as he’s had over 30 cans this weekend and was vile to me earlier. He created a new facebook account purely because he knew i would be distraught as he’s used that to flirt with younger girls before (while i was pregnant - shouldve known then). I’ve told him I’m contacting our social worker first thing tomorrow to ask that they help me and my son find somewhere else to live (no money or savings and bad credit) so he says he’s going to lie and tell them i take coke with him so they take our son from both of us. I have managed to get a video on the sly of him saying this so hopefully the social worker will believe me. But what the heck do i do?! I have no money, was put into foster care at the age of 10 due to neglect and abuse so barely any family- none that I can stay with.
I could probably swap my hours to late evening but have noone other than this vile man who could have DS so I’m going to be jobless, I know UC you have to wait weeks for money and I have no savings at all!
I’m so distraught, I really honestly did think he would stop the bullshit and be a good partner and dad