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Original poster

How far into a new relationship would you introduce partner to kids?

18 replies

Scion457 · 12/05/2019 21:38

If you’d split up with your husband and met someone straight away. How long would you give it before introducing your children to him?

OP posts:
BigRedLondonBus · 12/05/2019 21:47

Around 6 months I would say

LewisFan · 12/05/2019 21:55

6m to a year. It'd have to be very serious to introduce them, in my book.

heymammy · 12/05/2019 21:58

Closer to a year for me. I'd let the dc know I had a 'boyfriend' after around 6 months but they wouldn't meet for much longer. Relationships go tits up for all manner of reasons so I'd want to be pretty sure I knew him v well and that the relationship was getting serious. My dc have no need to meet random blokes I might be dating Wink

MrsPworkingmummy · 12/05/2019 21:58

My husband and I waited about 2 years before I met his children. I certainly wouldn't have felt comfortable meeting them before a year - we both needed to know our relationship would last the distance before exposing any of us to the emotional upheaval of a blended family.

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 22:00

Over a year, especially if you just split up

Raindropsonroses27 · 12/05/2019 22:01

I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer to this. So many factors come into play - whether or not there have been previous relationships, how serious you are about the new partner, the personality/age/feelings of your kids...the list goes on.

I definitely don't think it should be something that's done lightly and my personal view is that where possible it's a good idea to introduce kids and partners in neutral places to begin with like the park or a cafe etc rather than immediately bringing them into their home as it can feel like a bit of an intrusion. But it really is down to individual circumstances imo.

Ginger1982 · 12/05/2019 22:01

6 months to a year definitely. Meeting someone straight away might indicate rebound so the relationship might not last.

theworldistoosmall · 12/05/2019 22:01

At least a year. I don't want my dcs to have the childhood I had with a string of men dropping in and out.

stucknoue · 12/05/2019 22:07

Depends on the age of the kids, my kids are adults so would probably tell them almost straight away. In fact dd2 is threatening to make me a profile on tinder and wants to double date (aka mum pays the bill!)

Isth · 12/05/2019 22:09

Over a year I would think. I would say slightly less but you’ve met them straight after breaking up with your husband, their father, and it’s not fair to throw something else big at them.

MrsAmaretto · 12/05/2019 22:19

About a year. Roughly the same for meeting my mother.

It really would have to be properly serious for me to introduce anyone to meet my kids or mum.

Passtherioja · 12/05/2019 23:01

At least 4 months-but only if you're sure they're the one and you're not just in the first flush of meeting. Do it gently when you do...slow, no overnights for a while, kid friendly outings....nice and steady. Good luck x

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten · 12/05/2019 23:07

I'd wait until at least a year, and would feel very uncomfortable if I was dating someone with kids who was happy for me to meet them before then.

There would be a lot of things I would want to consider first as well, which may mean it would take even longer.

Smallereveryday · 12/05/2019 23:18

I agree that there is no set time . It has to be tailored to individual circumstances.
If you are lucky enough to have a reliable ex who gives you plenty of child free opportunities to really get to know your bf then probably a good few months - however you will NEVER no if he is a keeper UNTIL he has met your dcs. A fabulous boyfriend who treats you well and gets your undivided attention may not be so fabulous when your attention is directed, in the main , towards your children.. so actually I don't subscribe to the MN mantra of 'at least 6m/a year '. Just don't overwhelm them with him 'always being around' .. so I would say rule of thumb - 2-3 months then no more than twice a week. Ideally one weekend day and one evening.

ghostmouse · 12/05/2019 23:24

It depends on age of kids and other factors.

My personal experience we waited about 2 months and then my kids 8 and 11 and 16 asked to meet him first. We took each one out to the park, so neutral territory and let things go from there. Never pushed them but all sides were happy

Original poster
Scion457 · 13/05/2019 06:56

Thanks everyone, appreciate the feedback.

OP posts:
birmanbaby · 13/05/2019 07:00

At least a year.

Kids should be primary focus, they’ve already gone through the trauma of their parents divorce.

I will never understand people’s need to validate their choices by getting their kids involved ASAP. I would like my kids to have a childhood they don’t need to recover from. If you are sure enough that you want to introduce your kids then surely you are sure enough to know he will still be around in a year.

mrsm43s · 13/05/2019 18:43

A year or two.

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