DH's friends using prostitutes - he is suprised at my reaction!

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Dh told me his married friend had text him last week whilst on a lads holiday to say he was in a brothel.
I commented that it was, in my opinion, the worst thing you could do to your wife. That I would prefer he had afairs lasting years than sleeping with a prositute.
I told him how disgusted I was and he comented how he agrees that it is bad but was surprised I'd prefer long standing afairs to paying for a one off.
He has a few friends that have usd sex services - some married, some not. I find it grim. Are others of the same mind as me?

Both are grim tbh.

Cheating is cheating whether it’s a one night stand or a paid for prostitute.

They're equally bad.

text him ... to say he was in a brothel
It seems an odd thing to casually text to your friend.

For me there's an abuse factor with going to prostitutes that I find more unpleasant than an affair. At least an affair they're both consenting adults.
I've read too many witness statements at work from trafficked women locked in brothels and forced to "work" for me to ever find prostitution anything less than a form of misogynist abuse.

I’d be worried about giving my husband a ‘ranking’ order of worse offences.

Not something I’d ever want to hear returned to me as some kind of defence.

Infidelity - except in a very few extremely specific circumstances - is the unforgivable sin to me. If you’re not happy with your partner, fair enough but move on first then find someone else. Cheating and lying is despicable, prostitutes or affairs.

At least an affair they're both consenting adults.
This.

Monger- this friend is very immature and tells all about his sex life, he doesn’t wait for a conversation to come up, just sends random stuff.
Vanilla- I said he would be kicked out over either but that if he ever slept with a prostitute, I would never speak to him again.

At least an affair they're both consenting adults.
This

Yes this was my stance too!

If the guy went to a brothel that is his business but the fact he shared this with your husband makes me think it’s something they chat about and don’t have a problem with.

After all he wouldn’t text your husband if he knew your husband didn’t approve of this kind of thing.
I would feel concerned if I’m honest.

Both are grim and unforgivable. One involves freely given consent and the other doesn't.

I've worked with prostitutes and the way men treat them... well it's not fucking Pretty Woman. Pimps, dealers, traffickers, punters; all scum.

What Juni said. The ‘cheating’ part is small to me in comparison to the fact of someone purchasing the consent of a woman who may be trafficked or coerced, or who, even if she isn’t, is clearly someone with few economic opportunities whose poverty/addiction/lack of opportunity he’s taking disgusting advantage of.

Fireman, DH always shows me what they are talking about as the messages are all so random or immature. They don’t meet in person these days so I don’t worry that they discuss it.
Before I gave my opinion, DH said he didn’t want to text back as he didn’t want to encourage the behaviour.

Exactly Juni. Trafficking and abuse are not part of an affair, no criminals or pimps are making money off someone else's vagina, no payment to use someone's body. If two scummy cheaters decide to shag each other it's a totally different thing.

Of course someone will be along in a minute to say how empowering sex work is. Personally I find it deeply unempowering that it even exists at all.

Completely agree its manky

Pretty much what everyone else has said. I'd be devastated by an affair - but at least I could see the possibility that he just had genuinely fallen head-over-heels for someone, horrible as that would be for me. And the sex would have been consensual.

But punters, pimps, traffickers - scum. That would shake me to the core because the nice man I thought I'd married would have turned out to be a woman-hating misogynist. I'd feel everything I'd believed about him had been ripped away.

I agree with OP that a prostitute is worse. Not only because of consent but because I’d have more respect for a man who can attract another woman than a man who is so grim that no other woman is interested in him and he has to pay for sex. It’s truly repugnant.

I agree fermats- my DH isn’t perfect but he is a genuinely caring person. Goes to great lengths for me and the kids etc.
I would be devastated to find out he wasn’t the person I thought he was.
I don’t understand how he has ended up friends with so many people that use sex workers!

I’d wonder why these friends felt comfortable openly discussing cheating on their wives and paying for sex, with your husband.

He’s obviously receptive to the conversation as it speaks volumes about their opinion of women in general.

What’s that saying about how you can judge a person by the company they keep...

Refilona- that is exactly what one of them is doing! He was a virgin at nearly 40 because he is a disgusting perve and when he came into some inheritance, instead of using it to move out his parents and get a life, he is spending it on prostitutes!

Well Carol, one has been open with all his mates about the cheating, not at all a secret, the one that sparked the post shared everything about his sex life worth every other man he knows and the other has no friends other than DH and has shared previously his frustration about the lack of sex in his life, maybe he wanted to show off? Admittedly, DH has never told them he disapproves of what they are doing but I don’t think he is egging them on either!

Both would be devastating but there is something particularly vile about men that view women as commodities to be bought.