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Is friend trying to fade me out or is it her MH issues?

3 replies

Stopmeifyouveheardthisonebefor · 12/05/2019 14:27

I have a friend of over 10 years that I know originally from school gates years. Me, “Jane” and “Ann” all had dc in same primary class and were close, meeting up often with and without dc.

Several years ago Jane’s DM died and Jane has not been same since. She has admitted to being depressed but won’t seek help. She has always been a little reluctant to make plans in advance and liked to leave it to last minute to commit but in past we did actually meet up in end, more recently the chances are she won’t come.

Ann and I got tired of never seeing each other and so started making plans and then asking Jane along rather than doing it as a mutual thing which upset Jane I think.

Anyway it occurs to me just now when I suggested meeting for her birthday and she replied saying she wasn’t bothered that perhaps it isn’t a case of Jane feeling too down/anxious to meet up but she has moved on from our friendship and is trying to phase me and Ann out.

I don’t want to give up on Jane if she is in a bad place but life is too short and I have too much else going on to waste time flogging a dead horse if she has just moved on.

WWYD? I think Jane would just get massively defensive if I asked her straight out.

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 12/05/2019 14:40

Tbh when I was diagnosed with depression the thought of going out or seeing any of my friends filled me with dread. I literally wanted to do nothing but stay home and hide so perhaps it is her MH but I would maybe ask her outright

woodcutbirds · 12/05/2019 14:47

You seem to genuinely care about her, so I would just allow her some space. Send a card for her birthday and let her know you are thinking about her. Occasional messages of affection with no demands to meet up will make it easier for her to get back in touch when she feels better.

Stopmeifyouveheardthisonebefor · 12/05/2019 15:40

Thanks both, i will keep on with the approach of staying in touch, letting her know that me and Ann meeting up and she is welcome but no pressure then.

OP posts:
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