It’s mother’s day here

[Allthebees]

We are not in the UK, it’s mother’s day today.

Kids gave me breakfast in bed and cards and homemade bits from school and have been super excited all week so that’s been lovely.

But DH hasn't arranged anything else for today... We’ve got a bare fridge and the shops don’t open on a Sunday here. So nothing for lunch. Or dinner. Or at best something randomly cobbled together because he hasn’t given it any thought.

No plans for even just a walk somewhere... I really don’t expect big fancy stuff but the fact that he’s put no thought into today has really upset me.

He’s a sahd whilst I work full time so he could’ve at least made sure we had food in to eat today. Sure I should’ve checked yesterday but we were out all day and a part of me assumed that DH would have something sorted for today.

A walk with a sandwich would’ve been fine. Just to know he’d put some basic thought into making it a pleasant day would’ve felt special.

I’ve got all upset now. As I said, I didn’t want a big deal (god knows he’s not capable of that tbh) but a little tiny effort would’ve been nice.

FWIW I always arrange something super nice or fun for Father’s Day. He does s lot for us generally and I like to acknowledge him for that and try to make him feel special and appreciated. I don’t do it to get the same back but it just hurts that he that he doesn’t think in the same way...

I’ve had a tough year and have been super stressed lately. We live away from home, things are horrible with my parents at the mo, they wouldn’t even know it’s m-day today, so I think I’m feeling a little sorry for myself that even DH couldn’t just try to make it a nice day.

It’s Mother’s Day here too, Happy Mother’s Day

I’d be disappointed too so I think you’re well within your rights to be upset. It does sound like generic thoughtless-but-not-malicious typical male behaviour.

You sound very laid back and down to earth, I wager it hasn’t even crossed DHs mind that he probably should have gone to a bit more effort. Not that that excuses anything, he should of organised some dinner at the very least.

Could you have a word with him about how you’re feeling? Best case scenario, he’ll be deviated he let you down and try his best to make it up to you

I’m sorry you’ve had such a crap day/year and I hope things get better for you soon

If he's the stay at home parent - isn't he the one who should be the centre of attention today? I thought it was about the 'job' not the chromosomes.

We are probably in the same area, but we never celebrated mother's day or any other of these days, so I can't really comment

@Prokupatuscrakedatus so why did you?

It’s Mother’s Day, not stay at home parents day. He’ll get his Father’s Day later in the year. It’s not just a day to celebrate whomever does the most domestic duties, it’s one day to say thanks to our mums for all they do whether it’s at home or in a million other ways.

Just because OP is the one going to work, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be celebrated any less than the next mum.

Not a mother's day issue, but my oh genuinely thought I would be perfectly fine with him taking the day of my birthday off work (as I always do for my own, but he never does for mine and we never do for his) and spending it on a day trip with a friend of his. I'm so shocked by it that I struggle to move on from it. I was an adult and told him how I felt as I was really down about it. I don't know if he's cancelled his plans or not (it's next month, still written into his diary). I feel silly talking about it further with him because it would be easy for him to fall into a lose-lose trap. If he goes on with his plans I'll be hurt and angry. If he cancels and goes to work I'll be hurt and angry. If he takes the day off to spend with me I'll pretend to be fine but inside I'll feel silly and unimportant anyway.

It’s Mother’s Day here to. We tend to be very low key about such holidays in family. My youngest has made me cards. We will have Chinese take away with mum later. That’s about it.

It does sound like you are feeling unappreciated. Can you take yourself out for a coffee and a read somewhere, just to feel a little special? Can you explain to your dh how you are feeling?

Breakfast in bed and cards would be a step up from the usual mums day. I’m single but we never made a big fuss of either father or Mother’s Day other than card and maybe flowers. But to have no food in the house? What’s the deal with that? Does he normally do the shop? If he doesn’t and you do then why assume he would? If he does then what’s his reasoning for not doing it?

Yep, Mother's Day here too. My DD has quite forgotten about it. She's 14, so I don't expect DH to be involved in anything.

We had a nice breakfast together, though, which I cooked and cleaned up after. Next I'll be making dinner, but at least it's something I like. Might make myself a mojito first though...

Happy Mother's Day!

@AllyBamma
Sorry.
I was of the opinion that the day celebrates the "work of the (main) carer" by the "cared for".
So my DP should do something for his DM/DF and not for me - apart from helping the DC.
(That said my family rejected the day because of historical reasons.)

It is Mother's Day here, family are being very nice.
Some washing needs doing and it turns out that I am the only person who can use the machine so I am going to show them all how to use it !
Father's Day will come later in the year.

Most mums - or moms, in your case - feel let down on this day. You are not alone!

He usually does the food shop yes. He just gave today no thought at all.

I cried earlier (pathetic I know) and he’s avoiding me. Doesn’t get it... and no he’s not malicious, he’s a “nice bloke” but he’s so very unemotionally aware of anything. His family are so non-descript about everything, so events pass by in a hugely underwhelming way. Sentiment is lost/wasted on them all.

We took the kids to the park and I’ve been catching up with some work. Oh and I cleaned the bathroom... I’ve been in a bad mood all day and haven’t been able to snap out of it.

Makes me think he can fucking whistle for f-day in a few weeks. But then what good is going to come from playing tit for tat?

I think it would be good to be clear with him that if he isn't going to make any effort with you then he can't expect anything different but you would prefer that you both made an effort with each other.

Very limited effort made at my house too.

The kids were taken to the mall and decided that a body shop gift pack was the most personal present they could come up with.

‘D’H was off doing his hobby from Friday afternoon until v late Saturday so there was nothing at all organized for a nice breakfast. He wanted a lie in too as the poor princess was tired. So I got up and did the usual chores - laundry, groceries, I even cleaned the fridge out. Sick of being the only person to put any amount of effort into things like this. Pretty sure it was the same last year - not sure why I even have any expectations at all.

Mothers Day here too. Very little effort made. Apart from one of my DDs who was lovely.
I lost one of my DSs a few years ago and my own mother died last year so it was a really sad day for me and I would have appreciated some cards and hugs.
I had a cry in the evening and my OH was lovely and brought me tea, tissues and gave me a hug. Not his job to arrange the day any more as all my kids are 18+ now, but he was cross on my behalf that only one of my remaining 4 kids had made an effort.
I just wanted my mum I suppose. She was my champion after my DS died.
Bloody hell, I'm tearing up again.
to anyone doing mothers day without their mum or one of their own children

@Prokupatuscrakedatus - no, it's about the chromosome, not the job.

Mother's Day is for mothers. Working mother and stay at home mothers. Any mother.

Father's Day is for father. Working fathers and stay at home fathers. Any father.

The hint is in the name of the day: Mother's Day.

YANBU, OP. Feeling very thankful for my DH, who went to a lot of effort yesterday.

I am sorry you are having a crap day .

Unfortunately, I don't think that not doing anything for fathers' day would make the point that you want to make, OP. It's like when people say: "I always get my DH lots of birthday presents, and he didn't get me anything, so next year I won't get him anything". The thing is, often people who don't bother with other people's birthdays also don't care about their own. My husband doesn't know when fathers' day is and doesn't care about birthday presents.

People need to learn to make gestures that mean something to their partner, not the gesture that WOULD mean something to them, if their partner made it. So, it takes some care and thought. Your DH needs to realise: "Mothers' day (which might be meaningless to Mr Allthebees) means something to Allthebees, so I need to put a little effort into it because that would make her happy".

Sorry you've had a rubbish day. Am only wondering where you live where there are no food shops, takeaways, drive thrus, restaurants open on a Sunday?

TenSheets - by far most countries 'celebrated' Mother's Day yesterday, including many with remote communities. There would be places in my (small) country with nothing open on a Sunday.

Countries that celebrated Mother's Day on 12 May:

Anguilla, Antigua and Barbuda, Aruba, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bermuda, Bhutan, Bonaire, Botswana, Brazil, Brunei, Cambodia, Canada, Cayman Islands, Central African Republic, Chad, Chile, China, Colombia, Congo, Ivory Coast, Croatia, Cuba, Curaasao, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Dominica, Ecuador, Equatorial Guinea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, Germany, Gabon, Gambia, Ghana, Greece, Greenland, Grenada, Guyana, Honduras, Hong Kong, Iceland, India, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Kenya, Latvia, Liberia, Liechtenstein, Macau, Malaysia, Malta, Myanmar, Namibia, New Zealand, Netherlands, Pakistan, Papa New Guinea, Peru, Philippines, Puerto Rico, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, Sint Maarten, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Suriname, Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzinia, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, Uganada, Ukraine, United States, Uruguay, Vietnam, Venezuela, Zambia, Zimbabwe

Why moan then make an effort for fathers day?

I wouldn't do anything for him on father's day if that was how I was being treated.

It was Mother's Day here too. My DC totally forgot despite me reminding them on Friday and my DP is working 5000km away so it was a total non-event.

Thanks all. He said he wished he’d sorted something so that I didn’t “get like this” and that he didn’t intend to upset me... so I tried to explain that he’s somewhat missed the point. And that the idea was that he wanted to make me to feel special and loved, not to just avoid me getting upset or because I expected it.

Honestly, I feel like a pp with the lose-lose thing. In that if he makes an effort next year it’s only because I’ve said something.

We’re in mainland Europe. Everything is shut on a Sunday (apart from a few tourist attractions) and it’s the same in neighboring countries. There are a few restaurants, not many take-aways (not a big thing here) but it was too late to book and tbh I wasn’t going to suggest it. I didn’t even particularly want to go out for food.... He cobbled together lunch and dinner.

This has opened up a bit more though... I told him I can’t remember the last time he initiated any fun or something exciting or special or memorable... Without sounding too dramatic I feel like I’ve just realized how dull/non-event my husband is.

Happy mother's day! My dh didn't do anything either but he is spectacularly bad at stuff like that. I think you have to spell it out to him what YOU expect for mother's day. Btw my daughter made me a card but my sons didn't even wish me hmd so I feel a bit of a failure too.

If the tradition in your family is to do "something" for Mother's Day then I can understand you being disappointed.

I think it depends on the age of your kids too. I have two 2-and-under and this is my third Mother's Day. I got flowers from DH and a card from the toddler and was thrilled with that! With kids our age it's a nice mini-moment opening the cards, and then they go back to bashing each other until we manage to get them out the door and onto a playground So in our house it's really just another day. And the same goes for Father's Day, really and DH is happy with that. But like I said, if the expectation in your family is that you'll have some kind of celebration, then DH should have organised something and I'd be a bit resentful of making a song and dance out of Father's Day if it wasn't reciprocated.

Mine was shit too. Small present from DS and a candle from DH. Toast in bed. We went out for dinner the night before which I organised otherwise nothing would have been done. The rest of the day I did some washing and cleaned up after breakfast and then got grumpy and told DS to clean his room. I don't think anyone gave a shit that it was a shit day for me. Just found out I'm pregnant and I thought there might have been some flowers or something to mark that too.

So commiserations from me op. There's fuck all chance I'm organising Father's Day lunch this year.