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Original poster

I went to a friend's child's First Holy Communion yesterday and I've been an emotional wreck since

73 replies

gypsybabysbreath · 12/05/2019 09:07

I found it so emotional. There was such a lovely atmosphere and it was so old fashioned. All of the children were just so lovely and they sang all the old hymns we sang at school.

I held it together barely for As I Kneel Before You and then they sang Bring Flowers of the Rarest and bloody hell, I was a goner. Proper snottery tears. DP was rather bemused Grin Blush

I can't quite understand how I got so emotional. I'm wondering if I should go back to mass now.

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 12/05/2019 10:04

Different religion, but I've been known to WEEP through a Bar Mitzvah. Something about bright, fresh young people full of hope.

Outofinspiration · 12/05/2019 10:05

What age is Catholic 1st Communion in England (on average)?

It's usually Year 3, so 7/8. Totally old enough to understand it all... Hmm

My friends kids go to a Catholic school and she has major reservations about the white dress thing. She said when the time comes she might try and get her DD to do it in school uniform but her DD is very, let's say 'gender conforming' and will definitely have other ideas, especially if all the other girls are dressed up like it's their wedding day! Grin

Titterofwit · 12/05/2019 10:09

The oldest DD of a family near us is severely disabled and unable to communicate in any way. She will make her first communion along with her peers next year.
I can see that the family are keen that the child is treated exactly as all of the other children in the family but the poor child will have no concept of the occasion at all.

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Ces6 · 12/05/2019 10:10

I was brought up (and still am) an atheist and dh is Catholic. First communion is v strange for me as I have nothing to compare it to! Ds1 stopped going to church straight after. Dd wants to continue. Ds2 doesn't want to do communion at all. It's a minefield!

roisinagusniamh · 12/05/2019 10:10

I'm not sure what you are trying to say in your post Elspeth but one thing is certain that lots of people in Ireland go along with the communion fantasy for the sake of s party and if you have a think about it you'd realise that you don't know what you believe because you sound like you simply go along with it all too...have a little think there for yourself !

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 12/05/2019 10:11

Oke doke thank you SmileSmileSmile

They are only reception and year 1 atm, so a couple of years time then

beeyourself · 12/05/2019 10:12

It had the opposite effect on me. I love my friends and felt honoured to be invited, but the service was so far removed from my own experience/concept of god & spirituality that it completely turned me off.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 12/05/2019 10:18

That is interesting to hear.
We are catholic (in a different country) and there was a year of education including parents' sessions, all children were 9 to 10 years old and no bouncy castles in sight.
In a lot of communities children wore 'cassock like'-things, and my DS's mate, she wore leggings and a T-shirt.
And it was moving and fun, too.

BillyAndTheSillies · 12/05/2019 10:21

Oh don't you'll set me off! We are on the road to DH's cousin's communion at the moment and even as a regular church goer, there's something about choirs that makes me blue, even if it is a chorus of school kids.

They're a beautiful celebration day and the education that goes in before with the Gold Book should definitely be enough for children to understand by the age they take communion.

maras2 · 12/05/2019 10:24

Started me off now and I'm a regular church goer.
Off to 11 O'clock mass now with red, puffy eyes. Halo

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 12/05/2019 10:35

I don’t know about the ‘dressing up as brides these days’ - that was the case when I took my first communion in the 1970s - I was about the only girl not to wear a long dress and a veil! I did love my dress though.

I know what you mean about the emotion these ceremonies create.

TheWoollybacksWife · 12/05/2019 10:57

I went to a FHC a few years ago where one of the communicants was deaf. In the Mass booklet the communion hymn was listed as As I Kneel Before You but they hadn't told the congregation that the children would be signing the hymn. There wasn't a dry eye in the church and I still tear up remembering the look of delight on the little girl's face when she realised what was happening - the school had taught the signs to the children as a surprise for her.

ElspethFlashman · 12/05/2019 11:05

So wait, are we not supposed to have a party? Is a 7 year old supposed to do a Novena for the rest of the day?

Girlofgold · 12/05/2019 11:05

Lol! These things always make me wonder if I should go back to mass.

greathat · 12/05/2019 11:13

I have a distinct memory as a child of returning to school the first day after being hospitalised for some time with a pretty major case of appendicitis. We were in assembly singing a hymn and I burst into tears. I remember being sent home again and being told maybe I wasn't quite ready to be back yet...

Gingernaut · 12/05/2019 11:14

AfterSchoolWorry

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Camomila · 12/05/2019 11:37

Aww lovely thread. DM and my nonna made my dress, and DM still has it put away. I also had a gold book that I coloured in super carefully!
My Italian cousin was a bit jealous I think as they had to wear plain robe things.

DS is only 3, we go to church every week but he just associates it with jammy dodgers Grin We usually stay for tea and cake afterwards so DS can run about and get to know the other DC.

Original poster
gypsybabysbreath · 12/05/2019 11:40

So wait, are we not supposed to have a party? Is a 7 year old supposed to do a Novena for the rest of the day?

Grin Grin

I did go to Mass this morning actually, by myself, and I did enjoy it. It was just this big whoosh of remembrance and even as a child, I remember thinking the words of As I Kneel Before You were special and lovely.

On my own communion I desperately- more than anything else in the world- wanted white gloves and I was not allowed. And the girl in my class who I hated had white gloves AND a parasol.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2019 11:42

I was bloody horrified when I went to a friends Holy Communion
Dressed up in mini wedding dresses or daft looking shorts suits and it took hours ( and I was hungry). It was very very hot and we had to stand around for ages for photos in the church gardens
The kids enjoyed the after party though

sweetkitty · 12/05/2019 11:47

DS has his yesterday, he just turned 9, in fact he had his communion and birthday in the same week.

He’s been practising for months, done all his prep with his Dad (I’m athiest DH RC), he look gorgeous in his kilt so proud and grown up. We had a birthday party type celebration for him afterwards.

It was a lovely day.

CherryPavlova · 12/05/2019 11:49

No full on party is essential. My own children liked choosing beautiful clothes - boy and girls - planning with friends, feeling special, being celebrities for a day, having a communal feast afterwards with all their friends and then something special with their family. What’s so awful about that?
Time enough to study theology and decide for themselves which aspects they choose to believe/practice and which not. Surprisingly giving children knowledge isn’t harmful and the idea that most Catholics are so indoctrinated they can’t function in the real world is insulting.
Children with SEN are included as to exclude them because they happen to have Down Syndrome would be unkind. We cherish all our children, generally. They might not understand Canon Law or Transubstantiation - most children don’t fully. They can still understand the most important lessons of loving and being loved.

I went to an Anglican Church this morning and had to leave because I was getting emotional about the hymn as it was one my very poorly mother used to sing to us. Emotional responses aren’t necessarily bad either.

roisinagusniamh · 12/05/2019 11:51

Have a party by all means .. but does the child know what s/he is celebrating...do you Elspeth?
Conformity without question or understanding ?

Vandree · 12/05/2019 11:54

Ah I think some people need to unclench Smile . I cry at the singing in mass too. My (irish)children are in our local parish primary schools. As such our parish church and school are at the centre of our community. We had communions the last two years and I have three nieces making theirs over the next 3 weekends. We aren't the most religious of families but we do go to the childrens mass regularly throughout the year but not weekly and I would often go in the middle of the day to light a candle and sit in peace, it gives me comfort in trying times. We gave our kids the option of doing their communion or not, that we would still have a day out so they wouldn't miss out too much if they didnt make theirs but they wanted to do it with their friends and their community. My very gender non conformative dd was offered the choice between getting a suit, palazzo pants or a dress and she picked a dress.

To my mind its a celebration with our community and a time for family to come together. My children definitely knew enough to make their communion and its their choice how they deal with religion as they get older. They also have learned about their friends different religions and celebrate with them when able too. We loved having an excuse to get the family together, make a fuss of our child and having a fun day. We did a marquee in the garden with catering and a disco for the kids, best days and best memories and some beautiful photos. And morbid as it may sound for us who have had some tragic loss in our close families it was a time to celebrate having our children and family with us and how lucky we are.

Re Confirmations and wearing uniforms, sure thats been happening for over 30 years here. I wore my uniform 30 years ago because they knew if we wore our own clothes there could be a whole load of 11&12 year olds miniskirts, heels and fake tan in the pews. Uniforms now for chuch and mini skirts for the meal out after Grin

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 12/05/2019 11:54

What is the Gold Book?

Outofinspiration · 12/05/2019 12:03

The Gold Book was this book that we used to do work in at school in the lead up to our Holy Communion (late 80s). It had quite a snazzy gold cover.

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