Should I just marry him

[23chilton]

I met a really nice widower OLD last year. He proposed after a few months, though he is a lovely man, not much in the looks department, but kind and got a nice heart. I just don't fancy him and he his quite clingy. He wants to do everything together all the time. He doesn't make my heart skip a beat. I've ended the engagement (made up some flimsy reason), but he tells me he loves me still. Shall I just accept that I'm too old (late 40s) to be looking for someone to make my heart flutter and go back to Mr Nice Guy even though I don't feel the chemistry? I know he will make a nice, kind husband.

No, no NO!!! He will stifle you & you will end up resenting him. Don't settle. You are not too old to find someone who is right for you. This man, however nice & kind, isn't the one. I wish you well

No, don't do it. Kindness isn't enough. You're too young for a retirement marriage of companionship.

Is he rich and very old.

I think you must be having a crisis of confidence or be stuck in some way to even consider it. Be more ambitious for yourself and kinder to yourself

Moving this quickly can be the sign of an abusive and controlling man.

Wanting to do everything together is NOT as romantic as some think it is

No. Sounds suffocating.

I see what's in it for him. What's in it for you?

He proposed after a few months, though he is a lovely man, not much in the looks department, but kind and got a nice heart. I just don't fancy him and he his quite clingy.

He wants to do everything together all the time. He doesn't make my heart skip a beat.

Why on earth would you chain yourself to someone you hardly know, don't fancy and feel suffocated by his "clingy" behaviour?

Don't do this to yourself OP and get some counselling (or talk honestly with a good friend maybe) about why you are so ready to devalue yourself this way. MUCH better to be alone for a while but hopeful than to settle for someone/something so far from what you really deserve.

You deserve better and so does he, what you are thinking of doing will make neither of you happy

Gawd no. Desist immediately.

Thank you all, I needed to hear this candid advice. It's most helpful.

Presumably he thinks you love him and fancy him? It's unkind to deceive someone in this way. You aren't doing him any favours here, but taking advantage of his loneliness.

Surely it's better to be single than married to mr not-right? You don't need a man to complete you and settling for any man will almost certainly lead to misery.

Growing old with someone you love is hard enough. With someone you don't love...

Another vote for no. You'd be deceiving him and I don't think you'd end up happy.

Be single! It's much more fun than being in an unhappy relationship.

Agree that clinginess and proposing fast can be a sign of a controller. All that aside, you don't even fancy him anyway so definitely not marriage material.

One more vote for - enjoy the single life :)

Late 40s, hardly 70 fgs, go enjoy life don't settle for cardigan and slippers!

Proposed after a few months?

NO!

Dump him, he sounds way too full on. Never mind this 'nice man' nonsense.

OMG - so you’re not even 50. Imagine if you live until you’re 90 - that’s 40 loooooong years of putting up with someone who you don’t love! Why would you?!

Good lord no!

Your 40, not quite going in the ground yet.....

You don’t really want him so it would be cruel to marry him wouldn’t it really?

Do. Not. Do. This.

You need to aim higher.

Someone who is averagely kind is not enough.