Feeling unsupported with breastfeeding

[Kungfupanda67]

My daughter is 5 months old and mainly breastfed, she has one bed time bottle every day. I have 2 sons who I didn’t breastfeed, tried with the first and couldn’t, ended up with severe pnd afterwards, so I didn’t try with the second because I didn’t want it to lead to pnd again.

I started off feeding my daughter with a if it works, great, if it doesn’t never mind attitude. She ended up being really easy to feed, I found it more convenient with 2 other young kids to not have to wash and sterilise and make bottles continuously, nighttime was easier as I didn’t have to get up.

Right from the beginning my mum has made comments like ‘it’s time for a bottle’ or ‘you need to stop breastfeeding now’ every time I comment I’m tired or anything like that. My husband took a while to convince that I don’t just feed her continuously so he is actually capable of looking after her too.

I’m on antidepressants, and the ones I used to take aren’t great for breastfeeding so I tried a different one which didn’t agree with me at all. I’m not severely depressed at the moment, mainly just tired as my daughter is going through a major sleep regression and my boys don’t sleep well either. My mum keeps telling me again that I need to stop feeding her so I can go back to my original antidepressants.

My husband has repeatedly made comments this week that the sleep regression is because I’m breastfeeding, he said last night that if he was ever asked to choose he would 100% choose bottles - he’s entitled to his opinion but I just felt shit, like he’s saying it’s all my fault I’m tired because I wanted to breastfeed.

I’m just sick of defending myself. All babies go through periods of crap sleep, at least I don’t have to go downstairs and make a bottle every time she wakes up! I don’t know why I’m posting really, it’s just getting me down a bit

You know they’re talking crap. I think you should try and pick a time with each of them where things aren’t heated and tell them that they are being unsupportive and risking your mental health. I agree that some people think you have no right to moan if you’ve chosen to breastfeed- as if you’re a self flagellating hippie rather than a mum trying to do her best and making the choices that work best for her. Your job is to be there for your babies, their job is to be there for you. You are doing your job brilliantly

Direct them here:

www.nhs.uk/start4life/baby/breastfeeding/your-questions-answered/

'Apart from the fact that breast milk is tailor-made for your baby, free, and always available, it offers protection from:

infection – breast milk provides natural (germ killing) antibodies that help your baby fight infections like tummy bugs, diarrhoea, colds and chest and ear infections.
vitamins and nutrition – your breast milk provides the perfect combination of vitamins and nutrition, it’s also much easier to digest than first infant formula.
SIDS and childhood leukaemia – breastfeeding reduces the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), also known as cot death, and childhood leukaemia.
long-term health – breastfed babies are less likely to develop diabetes, or become overweight when they are older.
Any amount of breastfeeding is beneficial, but exclusively breastfeeding your baby for 6 months offers a lot more protection. There are benefits and advantages for you too – breastfeeding helps:

your uterus get back down to size – after your baby is born, your uterus (womb) will gradually get smaller day-by-day, but breastfeeding will help speed this up.
you bond with your baby – breastfeeding is a lovely way to feel close and strengthen the bond between you and your baby.
protect your health – breastfeeding lowers your risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, osteoporosis (weak bones), diabetes and cardiovascular disease (conditions affecting the heart or blood vessels).
burn off calories – if you are exclusively breastfeeding, this will help burn off about 300 calories a day.
There are many benefits of carrying on breastfeeding after 6 months – your breast milk protects your baby from infections and there’s some evidence it helps them digest solid foods.'

Your DH is being very selfish and needs to give his head a wobble. Speak to your health visitor about the situation and how you're feeling.

You're doing brilliantly!!

Would going to a breastfeeding group help? Just for a sympathetic ear with the blame being placed on breastfeeding.

Ps they both probably think they’re being helpful so be very clear that they’re not!

Ignore them. You should do whatever feels right for you and your kids.

I also have a 5 month old who isn’t sleeping great atm. My friends bottle fed baby is an even worse sleeper than mine.

I think you need to shut the conversation down and just say you’re not prepared to discuss it. You don’t have to justify yourself and your choices to anyone.

Ime mil who nag for a bottle fed dgc are after overnights. .
Tell dm you and baby are happy. Shame she can't be that you are doing a great job right now !!

Your DH may be convinced by the health benefits? Also try and find a support group, you're doing a fab job, keep at it!

Thanks for your replies :)

My mum 100% is trying to be supportive - I just think surely everyone with 3 young kids is a bit tired! Doesn’t mean I need to stop feeding - it wouldn’t help anyway because I’m such a light sleeper that even on the odd occasion my husband did a night feed I’d be awake for the whole time so what’s the point?! When she tells me she’s tired I don’t tell her to divorce her husband because he snores 🤷‍♀️

I think my husband might feel a bit guilty because he can’t help - he’s not very good at feeling useless (again, not that he particularly helped overnight with the others, and at least breastfeeding I don’t resent the fact he’s asleep because even if he was awake he couldn’t do anything 🤷‍♀️).

I just wish they’d both shut up about breastfeeding 😂 the cause of my tiredness and baby’s crap sleep etc is that I have a baby, not that I have a breastfed baby

100% correct! Future sleep ‘guarantees’ to include: eating solids, night weaning, all teeth arriving, going into own room, going into proper bed in own room. (All lies) Hang in there! Even if they’re being helpful it’s ok to tell them nicely to fuck off

I remember the hell of the 5 1/2 month sleep regression and DD was ff feed. She feed more often at night than bf babies I knew! Can you safely cosleep?

Your DP needs to pulling his weight and sorting out the older children during the night.

@loveisanopensore

You're doing brilliantly!!

Would going to a breastfeeding group help? Just for a sympathetic ear with the blame being placed on breastfeeding.

Thanks, that’s a good idea actually. I might find one and give it a go - like you say at least they won’t automatically say it’s all because I’m breastfeeding!