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Should I walk away?

19 replies

Outoutout · 11/05/2019 17:20

Ok, looking for opinions on this situation.

I'm 35, work as a nurse, I have a five year old Dd from a previous relationship, ex lives abroad and has zero contact. I have been single since my Dd was born. I currently rent but am planning to buy a flat very soon. (This may be relevant)

So, I have recently started to date a lovely guy. Been dating for about six weeks now, see eachother a few times a week. He is 38, never been married, no kids. He rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, works out, looks after himself, and is absolutely gorgeous looking. Sounds great right? However, this is my dilemma. He still lives with his parents, he sleeps in the same room he had as a child. He has spent the past twelve years working part time, cash in hand, driving a delivery van for a local builders suppliers. He borrows his parents car as he can't afford his own, he is obviously broke. He can't afford to move out of his parents house as rents here are crazy. So he lives in his parents house, with his 20 year old brother and 18 year old sister. He did live with a girl for a few years, but had to move back home when the relationship ended.

Im delusional aren't I ?.

To think this could work long term I mean. He has no prospects of ever being able to move to a place of his own, he has no ambition, when he isn't working he goes to the gym. No Idea what his parents think. They both work full time in very well paid jobs.

He's a man child isn't he? I mean he's lovely. And I sort of thought I could help him out to find a job and stuff. But he left school at 15, has no qualifications, no official work experience as he is cash in hand, and no way of moving forward.

Is there any point in even trying? Would any of you even consider this relationship?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 11/05/2019 17:26

Yes if you accept things won’t change (he won’t get a better paying job etc). If he’s great and you’re happy to be the breadwinner fine. There are plenty of good qualities that may outweigh ambition and drive. If you’re expecting him to ‘grow up’ and be more conventional forget it. He is grown up and this is the lifestyle he’s chosen.

Outoutout · 11/05/2019 17:29

Sorry, stupid phone. That should be his 30 year old brother and 28 year old sister. Although his sister is engaged and has just bought a house with her fiance, and his brother has only just moved back in as he lived abroad for years. No idea exactly what he does, something to do with computers.

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 11/05/2019 17:31

Does he do housework?
Would he be willing to better himself by doing a course?
Is he in debt?

If the first 2 are yes and the last one no, then it could be worth continuing with.

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DuffBeer · 11/05/2019 17:31

I wouldn't consider it.

FiremanKing · 11/05/2019 17:34

It’s a no from me. It would be like having a pet.

FiremanKing · 11/05/2019 17:36

If he can’t provide - let him slide.

FlyingMonkeys · 11/05/2019 17:37

Would he be interested in qualifying as a personal trainer or something along that line? Taxi driving could be another option. Just something to get him motivated really.

lifebegins50 · 11/05/2019 17:42

Most well adjusted people couldn't tolerate still living at home so developmentally he must have missed a stage. The fact you are in the caring profession might cause you to want to care for him but that would be detrimental to you.

You won't even be able to enjoy the normal stuff that couples do, weekends away, holidays etc. I would say end it before you start to feel too involved.

Bookworm4 · 11/05/2019 17:44

So someone with a low paid job unable to pay exorbitant rents is a waste of space? Can't have a relationship? Judgy much 🙄

FlyingMonkeys · 11/05/2019 17:46

Is he signing on? Unless he's on the sick the job centre would offer him free training courses such as; fork lift truck, CSCS card for security work. At least he'd have a secure income as a starting point.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 17:47

He's living like a child. You need a man, not a boy.

Picture it. He moves in with you. He will think his part-time wages are his own. He will think you will clear up after him.

His lack of ambition and get-up-and-go would drive me round the bend.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 17:47

So someone with a low paid job unable to pay exorbitant rents is a waste of space? Can't have a relationship? Judgy much

It's nothing to do with that. Read what she's written instead of jumping to conclusions1

FrogFairy · 11/05/2019 17:50

Sounds like a potential cocklodger.

Does he have any career hopes and plans or will he continue as he is indefinitely? If the latter I don’t think I would want that personally.

trendingorange · 11/05/2019 17:52

What is his conversation like?
Its not just the job thing....or living with his parents, but his life seems very narrow/boring.
Would he bore you shitless or is he funny, articulate, interesting etc?

NeatFreakMama · 11/05/2019 17:53

No I wouldn’t, it would be a real turn off. I think you’d have to consider if he never changed them would you want the relationship? It’s not sensible to think you can change anyone, it’s not your place.

Dowser · 11/05/2019 17:53

My son was 26 living with me . Not much in qualifications as he was a single dad
Thankfully a 37 year old woman with a house took him on 👍

Dowser · 11/05/2019 17:57

You’ve only been dating 6 weeks
I wouldn’t be thinking that far ahead just yet
You could be the motivation he needs though

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 18:07

Not the same situation, Dowser.

Dowser · 11/05/2019 18:08

No ... similar
At least he comes without a child

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