I think my grandad has dementia

[MummyCool19]

My grandad-in-law was forced into a dementia care home by his daughter (mil). She put him into this care home because she worked there and thought she could keep an eye on him. He didn’t have dementia and was completely sound of mind. Actually going to gym etc upto 2 years before he had a fall at home. Mil being the power of attorney moved him in and put his house up for sale. He used to beg to go home, he was absolutely heartbroken and so were we. But MiL wasn’t having any of it. For some reason she hates her dad. Thinks he was a strict father etc but he practically bought up my dh and he said he was amazing.

Anyway, he’s been in this care home for 3 years and he’s slowly losing his mind. The past few times we’ve been he’s called dh his dads name. Seems confused etc. He literally stays in his room all day apart from when we take him out.

Mil rang last night absolutely fuming that GD has been caught in a woman’s room at night touching himself. She’s been calling him all sorts of names and has mentioned she hopes this kills him off. She thinks he will be arrested and she’s so mortified that she’s refusing to go to the care home.
I’m so upset for him. This is not how he is, he’s never done anything like this before.

I don’t know what to do :(

If hes in a dementia care home then its highly unlikely he would have been admitted without a diagnosis.

If he's got dementia then he can't help wondering into womens bedrooms, that's what they do. It's up to the carehome to put measures in place to ensure the womans safety.

Can't really blame someone with dementia for behaving oddly, that's exactly what dementia is.

Why not suggest to your MIL that she educates herself on dementia.

Oh, and lay people don't diagnose dementia. Your Grandad would have had to receive that diagnose from a healthcare professional.

Has he been checked for a kidney infection or UTI? If it's been a relatively sudden decline then it's a possibility - they do tend to make the elderly go rather doolally and my late grandfather's was missed for a year by numerous medical professionals, who simply assumed it was dementia because he was in his 80s.

If she works there you need to speak with the manager and tell them what you told us. She should not be looking after him or visiting if shes unkind to him. In fact maybe she shouldn't be working there at all.

If she forced him into care against his will and hates him I would call the power of attorney helpline and get it changed.

He hadn’t had dementia when he moved there. It’s a private care home and as I said mil moved him there because she worked there.

He hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia, I didn’t say he had. I said I think he’s getting it.

thanks for the helpful comments. I’m
Going to give them a ring.

She doesn’t work there now, has mvoed to another care home but won’t let him move. He wanted to go to a “normal” care home where he could have conversations with the residents x

Speak to the home manager any way, even if she does have poa she cant refuse to move him or make any health and welfare decisions if he has mental capacity, ask the manager for him to see the g.p. and be assessed, he might just have an infection. The Gov.Uk website has info on poa abuse, there is also Elder Abuse. His local adult social services safeguarding team can also get involved and will visit him at the home if you want to raise what they call a Cause For Concern. Poor man, hope you work something out so he gets the care he deserves. I would also ask for a care needs assessment and he may be able to get some help with funding.
Oa