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Original poster

I think I’m having a breakdown

14 replies

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 09/05/2019 22:46

I’m working hugely long hours at the moment as DP lost his job. Last in first out type thing. So am currently the only earner in the house.

I feel like my head is about to explode. We have 4 dc and no quality of life. I don’t feel like I can carry on for much longer. I just want out. I’m worry about money ALL the time.

How do I know if I’m having a breakdown?

OP posts:

Squiff70 · 09/05/2019 23:02

That's not what a breakdown is., but you sound extremely stressed and probably very tired. Can you ask your GP to sign you off work for a while so you can get your head together?

Singlenotsingle · 09/05/2019 23:07

I hope do is busting a gut looking for a job? He doesn't need to be fussy. Any job will do, just to see you through.

Original poster

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 10/05/2019 09:01

Thing is I can’t get signed off as being signed off sick will mean we can’t pay bills. There are no savings.

I’m just exhausted. He is looking for a job but not having much luck.

OP posts:

Foslady · 10/05/2019 09:34

Have you had a full benefits review? If you have a mortgage would they let you take a payment break? Could dh find something part time just to help see you through?
The pressure must be horrendous - try to hold on to this only being temporary

HollowTalk · 10/05/2019 09:36

Does he have somewhere to live (parents) so that you could separate until he gets a job?

DuckingQuackers · 10/05/2019 09:54

So sorry you are going through such a stressful time. Stress is similar to depression and your body is exhausted with the effect of all the stress. Do you get two days off in a row with your job? You need to rest and recharge. Make sure you are dividing the house and children's chores so you take less while you are doing all the work. I appreciate that dh is looking for a job and this takes up time but there is not point running you, the wage earner, into the ground.

Remember nothing is the end of the world, and this is a temporary point in your life. Your gp can help you if things feel more desperate in your life.

Original poster

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 10/05/2019 15:16

We aren’t getting on at all. And I know he feels guilty but I’m really resenting him for it. I’ve taken on a second job and basically working 7 days a week. We are only now entitled to a small amount of tax credits as kids are older and no childcare costs. We still get child benefit. He is taking up the lions share of everything which is good but two dc are now doing their GCSEs and one is extremely stressed so I’m trying to put a lid on how I’m feeling to get him through it. I cry in the loo at work. I feel like getting in my car and never coming back.

OP posts:

Ellabella989 · 10/05/2019 15:18

Can he not even take something short term like bar work or working in a fast food place just for a couple of months until he finds something more permanent? It’s better he brings in £500 a month than £0

Original poster

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 10/05/2019 15:31

He has applied to Tesco and a few other bits and I understand his pride has taken a complete bashing but I’m losing it here.

OP posts:

PonderLand · 10/05/2019 15:34

Has he looked at hotels? I know the Hilton near me is always looking for c&b staff. It's usually zero hour contracts and nights, pay is shit too but it's a job whilst he's looking for something better. They usually have the jobs going on their own websites. Not much help but if I'm ever struggling for work it's the first thing I look at I hope he finds something soon.

sourdoh · 10/05/2019 15:44

I had this experience last year except he's my ex. No contributions to maintenance or his share of the mortgage for several awful months.

He contributed nothing extra in lieu of £, by way of additional contact with the kids. He sat on his arse all summer and made himself unavailable because he didn't want the kids to know he wasn't working. I actually still can't quite believe it happened.

It really drained me. So I sympathise. I guess you need to give yourself a break and encourage him to obtain interim part time work

DuckingQuackers · 10/05/2019 15:48

It does sound now is the time to chat to your gp about how you are feeling.

I would also contact your children's head of year at school and explain the family are going through a very stressful time and with the exams as well, one of your children is finding it particularly hard dealing with it all. This will mean that the school will help and they will and support your children.
Now is probably not the time to be going for a martial split, it's hard one just one of you is struggling but both, well, you both are going to clash and say hurtful things. Please make an appointment with your gp. Meanwhile sending you Mumsnet hugs x

misscockerspaniel · 10/05/2019 15:50

Sorry for your predicament. Have a look on the Jobs Indeed website for your area and pull out every job, however menial, that he needs to apply for. It's you who is taking a battering, he needs to get over his pride pronto

SuziQ10 · 10/05/2019 16:05

For basic work get him to join a catering agency / casual F&b staffing / courier service / Uber / stewarding !! Zero hours contract until something better comes along.

Anyone can get a job if they want to enough and live within reach of a city or large town.
You shouldn't have to be the only one earning. It's too much.

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