WWYD: Wedding or elopement?

[chickenlittle1]

Looking for some advice or people's experiences.
DP and I got engaged 6 months ago, and are very much looking forward to getting married. We have been thinking about what kind of day we would like to have, and have half-planned a small-ish affair with family and friends somewhere local. Nothing too flashy, but definitely a wedding in the traditional sense.
DP mentioned recently about prioritising buying a house and setting ourselves up for babies, which we're both very keen for! We had previously considered a destination wedding, but now I am seriously considering going somewhere beautiful and doing it just the two of us, and wanted people's opinions. Things to consider:-
I am about to finish university (mature-ish) student and therefore have a little in savings, but between us definitely not enough for a house deposit and a wedding in the near future.
We don't have big families or friendship groups, and there is some friction between family members who we would probably invite, but perhaps be stressed about.
My DP is not keen on being centre of attention and does not particularly want to give a speech. He has mentioned the elopement idea before!
We are very very keen on a big honeymoon, and so going somewhere to combine the two seems perfect.
I am worried that I will miss out on some of the exciting aspects of a wedding, being the hen do, getting ready with my bridesmaids, spending the day with loved ones.

We would consider a more informal celebration party once we got home to invite everyone to!

Thanks :)

Also, I would be worried about offending friends/family members. I think they will be happy with whatever we decide but I am aware they may feel like they're missing out.

Offending happens when people are partially included and excluded, so if you eloped then no one would attend and couldn’t get irritated that auntie Joan was invited but Uncle Bob wasn’t... Some parents might be upset at not being invited though. Would you consider a small registry event for parents and siblings then a party afterwards (not too wedding reception), and renew your vows somewhere exotic on holiday? You’d get the best of both worlds then

Elopement combined with honeymoon/memorable holiday and a big fancy relaxed meal for everyone when you’re back would be my suggestion.

I eloped but told people I would be doing so. I told my family that I would be heading to Mexico in 9 months, they are welcome to join. My mother and siblings came, no one else bothered.

Doing it this way eliminated a lot of people and pressure.

That's a good idea, MrsGranny!

Teaandbi5cuits glad to hear that worked out so great for you! I would love to do this, but am aware that my family couldn't attend for financial and health reasons, and his family probably could, which is tricky. I might float this idea though, and see if it might work afterall. Did you spend the rest of the week with your family, or just your DH?

chickenlittle1 we spent the week leading up to the wedding with family and the week after alone x

I think the primary issue is how you feel about the potential reaction from immediate family members who would be upset not to attend your wedding. I would have quite liked to have eloped, but my mum would have been very upset!

We also briefly considered inviting a very few family members to an overeas do, but like you the likely guest list would have been unbalanced and upset family members who we care about.

Sounds like you want to spend money on a holiday for the two of you rather than on a wedding. Which is fair enough! But different from prioritising saving for a home.

A post wedding party could be pretty costly, unless numbers are tiny or you provide no food or drink.

Thanks Loopytiles!

Agreed, I suppose priorities are house, marriage, honeymoon, wedding.
I don't think we will be able to afford the wedding and honeymoon we would like for a while with a home being top of the list, but we may be able to afford the house deposit and wedding/honeymoon combo. And the more I think about it, a beach wedding was our initial choice!

Could you just invite your parents and siblings, and get married in a registry office, then save your money for a honeymoon?

Who suggested renewing vows on the honeymoon? Why would anyone do that?

If money is the issue I'd say better to wait until you can afford a wedding than regret not having the wedding you want by eloping.

Thanks Hollowtalk - registry office and nice dinner might be a good compromise.

GoldenBee, I totally agree, it's more that we don't want to wait, I'm more interested in being married, than the wedding itself and I want to be married before we think about children, which neither of us want to wait for!

The fact you’re more interested in the marriage than the wedding is great! I think too many focus on the wrong thing and get all obsessed about a wedding rather than a marriage.

If you’re serious about kids, it’s much easier to get a mortgage without one than with one (in my limited experience) so maybe prioritise that first?

What about a surprise wedding party at home after the wedding - it could be an engagement party where you announce your marriage or if you want a church marriage then have your child Christened but don’t tell anyone until the day that it is all your wedding.

What Hollow said, 100%! Don't put off getting married for a wedding. Nah. I wouldn't have children before marriage, either, so we did parents and siblings only in registry office with meal after.