Is there an answer or happy outcome to this?

[crosser62]

My niece is 16.
About 2 months ago she got her diagnosis of autism.
She hasn’t attended school since she was 13.
Her autism manifests in her inability to socialise or develop healthy friendships.
She now rarely leaves the house or her bedroom. It appears that she has social anxiety and cannot be around large groups.
She should be taking her gcse exams now.

What is the future for someone with such issues?
What are her choices?
Do any of you have any experience with this?

Kind of desperate for some hope for her but feel that there is nothing but blackness in her future sadly.

Thank you so much for reading.

How is she with online friendships?

What are her interests?

I know of a few people who have mainly online friendships and work online (IT type roles) and they're happy with their lives

Would she try interacting with other autistic people as an alternative? I went to a conference a few weeks ago and an autistic lad there spoke about how the chance to meet other autistic people was really life-changing for him, that there are things about being autistic that my people just can't get.

Also, it might be helpful to try not to judge her future on the things that are important to you. I imagine she may have her own priorities, her life will be fulfilling if she works on these, even if it doesn't look fulfilling to someone who isn't autistic.

Firstly don't get hung up on the diagnosis of autism, that in itself is not why she's not going to school, it's the anxiety that she has developed, common in all teenager. My dd is autistic and been through that age, around 12 it started getting very difficult at school but we didn't allow her to stay at home, instead they found her a bolt hole at school (a cupboard basically) where she had a desk and a laptop that she could retreat to - college should be able to arrange something similar. My dd is now at university who are far better than school in making adaptations, her special advisor is amazing, even messaged her on Christmas Day, she acts as a mentor but also as a friend to young people who don't really have friends (dd has stayed living at home).

Your nieces parents need to ensure she gets back into education, even online school. But also realise that everyone is different and don't see her world through your eyes - my dd loves computer gaming and has "friends" all over the world!

My DS had ASD, had to go to a special school because he was so bullied in mainstream and they didn't offer GCSE's so he left school with no qualifications. However, he did an Access course when he was a bit older. Did great on that, then went to Uni and got his degree. He's now working in Japan and is loving his life.

What is your niece interested in? My DS spent a lot of time gaming (very disapproved of on here!) but his gaming led to him making friends online. He then built up the courage to go to a meet up, and he made friends from there. After that he went to events in America and all over Europe so he really came out of his shell. The Japanese interest came from his love of mange and anime. We then visited a few times and he fell in love with the place. Which is what inspired his Japanese degree.

He hasn't followed the "traditional" path of education but that's ok. He's happy and that's all I care about. Whatever your niece is interested in, encourage it, even if it seems "pointless" to others, because that will be the way she can grow in confidence and develop a life she can be happy with.

The diagnosis of autism is central to her struggles and not something to be dismissed. The effects of autism are not merely about experiencing anxiety. Autistic people can experience huge hostility and rejection from others and it's important to build up self esteem and resilience in order to cope with this.

Firstly, I would investigate online schooling so she can do some studying and exams.

Outside activities can also help. Perhaps martial arts as this builds self control and confidence. My autistic, out of mainstream school ds goes to air cadets which he is enjoying, medication also helps his anxiety.

The future for autistic people can be challenging, but many find their place. The thing is to identify strengths, acknowledge weaknesses and learn self care techniques in order to get through the stresses and strains of daily life.

Many thanks for your replies, very helpful.

As her dx is so recent, and not a surprise, it’s actually not the be all and end all.
What is, is her lack of interest in anything other than social media. She doesn’t leave her bedroom and only leaves the house to very occasionally visit my mum.

She has undertaken zero academic work since age 13.
She has no friends due to violence and police involvement (towards her, not the other way round).
She cannot sustain any friendships for more than a couple of months and they usually end with extreme aggression and violence towards her, this is an ongoing pattern, not once or twice but with many friendships groups.

She is “difficult “ to communicate with, is intelligent and very aware, she is manipulative and very often inflammatory in her comments.

She has a talent for pinpointing peoples triggers and then uses that fully.

She is unable now to even walk through the doors of college due to her anxieties so any form of education is now out of the question.

I’m not sure if my sister has taken her to the gp for help with this. She isn’t the most proactive parent.
To be fair, we are all a bit bewildered by the dx as we have limited knowledge of it.

Most autistic people can do stuff if they're guided and supported. Anxiety can be kept under control with medication. Talking therapies don't work for autistic people because our brains can't be rewired.

If the parents aren't prepared to be proactive then there's not much hope because they do need to make an effort to provide guidance and an education to the girl as well as life skills training. Many autistic people can manage to work and have a family and friends. She needs a realistic appraisal of her abilities and also her motivation, but again, the parents need to do this.