How to help my anxious 4 year old

[Lovetodream]

DS turned 4 years old in March and will start Reception in September this year. He has always been a lovely if somewhat challenging as children can be. He goes to nursery 3 days a week, he has been going to the same place since he was 15 months old and has made some nice friends. I’m currently on mat leave with DD who is 4 months old. His key worker mentioned they have observer off late that he has been extra sensitive, instances being:

• constantly saying he has no friends and no one wants to be friends with him , this happens when his friends choose to play a game he doesn’t necessarily like, he takes it as a personal rejection. He has said this a couple of times st home, they have assured me he is well liked and does mix around. He can take his time to get comfortable with new children and adults

• he gets upset with the smallest mistakes and called himself a failure for not being able to complete an activity at nursery once related to phonics
• at home, he refuses to try new things such as new book , new food, tv shows etc
• he refuses to climb slides saying they are scary
• almost everything is scary these days , he avoids playing when playgrounds are full

Of children

• he rarely plays by himself at home and constantly wants someone to play with him, I struggle to do so when DD demands a feed, she is going through a 4 months regression and has been extra demanding these days.
• at soft play last week , he had a melt down as his friend refused to play a game DS wanted. Friend’s mom commented DS is sensitive and that school should toughen him up, that upset me somewhat.

This breaks my heart as I feel responsible, I haven’t had much time with him since DD. DH makes sure to take him out and play with him on weekends and evenings. I try and read to him when I can although I admit I have been more snappy due to being tired and down with all that’s happening around me. I’ve been an anxious person myself and hate the idea of my little not going through the same self esteem issues I’ve had all my life. He is generally cheerful and kind , loves his sister and family, I feel I’ve caused this some how. How can I help him please? Nursery are being helpful and encouraging him at every step.

You sound a lovely, sensitive and in-tune mum. Ditch or ignore the friend who said he needs to toughen up

I have teens now and know you'll look back on this as being a tiny blip.

Thank you Boffing, nursery has been very supportive and encouraging. I hope someone has experienced this who can recommend some good books or online resources I can read up for some exercises to build up his confidence.

@Boffing, no helpful advice I'm afraid, but just to say I'm watching this with interest as I could have written your post about my two year old. At home he's the life and soul but when we go anywhere with other children he becomes extremely anxious and clingy. He goes to nursery, which he used to love, but recently he's started crying every time I've dropped him off and begging me to stay, which is heartbreaking.

I don't have a lot of friends with kids but when I was on maternity leave we went to loads of toddler groups, and he's been in nursery since he was just one, so he's had loads of exposure to other children. He just seems to worry about everything, finds everything scary and I don't know what to do to help him.

Hopefully some of the wise mums on here will have some good advice! Hugs x