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Original poster

Ds hit another child. Mortified.

28 replies

WeCameToDance · 07/05/2019 19:33

I'm really upset. My ds is 3 and just started nursery after a long and difficult struggle to get him accepted as he is developmentally delayed.
He is in his second week and he was doing so well and absolutely loving going. I went to pick him up today to be told he has hit another child over the head with a large toy seemingly unprovoked.
I'm so disappointed in him. It's not like him to be aggresive for no reason. To throw and lash out if provoked I could understand a bit better but why for no reason! I feel so sorry for the child he hurt and so worried that he is going to do it again.
Has anybody elses child done this? How did you deal with it? Please tell me it is not that unusual and fairly common with young children!

OP posts:

bugsymaloney · 07/05/2019 19:35

There's no child on the planet who hasn't walloped another at the age of 3!

Please don't worry and keep encouraging gentle behaviour.

Sharing germs and bashing each other is a character building part of the nursery experience.

Blueuggboots · 07/05/2019 19:38

I'd really not worry.

Saucery · 07/05/2019 19:40

Not unusual at all, please don’t worry!

Mammajay · 07/05/2019 19:41

Don't worry. In the book Cider with Rosie, which is autobiographical, the author Laurie Lee recalls hitting a child on the head to see whether his curls will bounce ( or something like that).

Sparklyboots · 07/05/2019 19:41

I think your expectations need adjusting. He was probably just wondering what wpuld happen, or how to get the other child's attention. It's unlikely to be the last time he is inappropriate. Mine were not super aggressive kids but if we had a quid for every time they'd hit someone....

Pomegranatemolasses · 07/05/2019 19:42

Don’t worry about it at all. So common for children that age to behave this way.

Phillipa12 · 07/05/2019 19:43

My 3 year old was swinging a plastic spade round at nursery last week trying to swat a fly.......he caught another child under the eye resulting in a trip to minor injuries for that child. Yes i was mortified but these things happen, my ds has also been randomly hit and bitten, its all part of being 3.

ipswichwitch · 07/05/2019 19:43

Exactly what bugsymaloney said. Happens all the time. DS2 was a biter - he’s 5 now and has stopped thank god, but being assessed for asd. We’d get told at nursery pick up, and have a firm talk with him about how to treat our friends. Interestingly enough, his friends who he had bitten were also biters so I think between them they all managed to cure each other of that!

Expressedways · 07/05/2019 19:43

It’s very typical of that age group, particularly when they don’t have the language skills to express what they want, don’t yet understand the concept of sharing and are in a new environment. I wouldn’t worry about it, just be prepared that he might soon be on the receiving end because, toddlers. I would just ask the nursery how they deal with it (I expect they probably tell him no, maybe say something about gentle hands and redirect him to the other side of the room) so you can be consistent if he does it at home.

definitelyshouldknowbetter · 07/05/2019 19:43

My first child was the one being hit/bit/kicked and I remember being fuming every time and trying to stay calm and thinking it could be me in the other parents shoes one day if he retaliates.
DC2 came along and I was that parent being told he’d hit/bit/kicked another child that day at nursery, he is just a totally different character and his first reaction to any situation is to be aggressive. We’re trying to discipline him and teach him but at three he still has no impulse control. Until then I keep apologising and growing thicker skin

StillMedusa · 07/05/2019 19:46

They need to keep a closer eye on him... if he has developmental delays they he is more likely to show 'younger toddler' behaviour and that's not your fault or his!

Plus 3 year olds DO hit each other. One of mine was a biter.. now that was embarrassing! But she grew out of it. Didn't grow out of walloping her younger brother now and again for a while longer mind, but they are all nice people now .

Relax :)

RoseReally · 07/05/2019 19:47

Oh don't worry! My Dd went through a (thankfully short) phase last year of scratching other kids at nursery. I was absolutely mortified and felt the need to apologise copiously. A couple of the staff members made me feel much better, they said it's totally normal and almost every child does something like that for a bit, especially after a big change like starting nursery or changing rooms (which was the case for my DD). She stopped doing it after 3 or 4 incidents. I think it helped that her speech improved a lot, so she probably gets a bit less frustrated now.

mbosnz · 07/05/2019 19:50

He's three. Even if he wasn't developmentally delayed, this is actually normal behaviour at that age. They don't have the tools and vocabulary to manage their behaviours, they're learning. It's a work in progress. That's not to say his behaviour was okay, it's just to say it was normal, understandable, and within the parameters of what ELC teachers contend with all the time (bless them!).

Sometimes he'll be the hitter/biter, sometimes he'll be the hittee, bitee. . .

(The one time I blew my stack was when my DD and her lil' buddy gave each other a hair cut - at 4.5 years of age. . .)

Frazzels · 07/05/2019 20:01

DS was known for biting and hitting other children in nursery, it was embarrassing and nothing really provoked the behaviour but he grew out of it luckily. Though DD who is currently 2 seems to be heading that way as well, she was hungry waiting for her tea earlier so she decided to bite me

Frazzels · 07/05/2019 20:02

Also it may just be a one time thing so I wouldn't worry for now

SkintAsASkintThing · 07/05/2019 20:02

Is he your first child ??

Hitting isn't nice but it's very normal.

OrdinaryGirl · 07/05/2019 20:06

I got a call from nursery the other day about one of my twins that went: 'Hello just ringing you to let you know that OrdinaryTwin has bitten another child BUT IT'S OKAY - he wasn't being mean, he was just being a T-Rex.' (Nursery worker laughs like drain)
Me: 😳

Other twin has also had incidents of using none-too-gentle hands, despite almost thrice daily exhortations from me. I think your kid is probably just being a normal 3 year old.

Catchingbentcoppers · 07/05/2019 20:10

Jeez oh, he's 3! It's massively common (ex nursery nurse here), so please don't worry about it unless it becomes an issue every single day.

Original poster

WeCameToDance · 07/05/2019 20:37

Thank you everyone! I feel a lot better reading all these. At least it seems to be a right of passage for most parents. I can guarantee that I will not be angry when inevitably it's my son being hit.
OrdinaryGirl that was actually my biggest concern when he started. Ds is obsessed with dinosaurs and loves showing off his dinosaur impressions. I had visions of being called to the school because he had tackled a small child while claiming to be a t-rex.

OP posts:

Orchidflower1 · 07/05/2019 20:45

Don’t worry op. The sheer fact that you’re concerned that your budding Archeologist had hit someone shows that your a kind and considerate parent.

It will happen and your ds will be on the receiving end at some point in his school life. Much better that you’ve acknowledged it.

I’m sure he will settle in well.

managedmis · 07/05/2019 20:46

Yeah... You can't be disappointed I'm afraid. He's 3.

mbosnz · 07/05/2019 20:48

Takes me back to the nursery days. Our favouritest ever teacher there, and her face of loving disappointment as she grabbed a little one's hands who had just thumped someone a good one, to say, 'no XXXX, hands are for helping, not for hurting'. . . little one really did look distressed to have made her sad, and stroked the hands of the one they'd just walloped.

Cynara · 07/05/2019 20:55

OP, another reassurance that it's completely normal: DS had a horrible phase of hitting and even biting other children, I used to dread picking him up from nursery because for a while it felt like every time I went I was taken to one side to be told about his awful behaviour. He's absolutely fine now (well, he doesn't bite...) and honestly I don't think you should worry. It's very common and is part of learning about social boundaries.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/05/2019 21:01

DS was hit on the head by a child wielding a large plastic hammer (from the construction play corner). He had a massive bruise.

Honestly, I wasn't too concerned, these things happen in nursery. In fact even the teachers didn't notice (DS has quite long hair and it covered the emerging bruise and DS is pretty tough so didn't cry and didn't tell a teacher!). They were mortified when I mentioned it the next day.

It sounds like you're the sort of parent who would work with the school anyway, so please don't worry.

Toodleoopuddle · 07/05/2019 21:12

Oh god please don't worry about this. These things happen

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