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Original poster

4 children by 3 dads

14 replies

doodlesnoodles · 07/05/2019 15:09

I'm often judged when people realise only 2 of my children share the same dad. I find I avoid mentioning it to people because they treat me different afterwards and don't take my relationship DP as seriously. I can somewhat understand their judgement but even after I explain I was simply in two long term relationships in the past that didn't work out. Is anyone in a similar situation? I know it's not exactly unusual these days but most people I know have all their DC from one father, a few with two.

OP posts:
Original poster
doodlesnoodles · 07/05/2019 15:38

Bump

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 07/05/2019 15:43

It’s not something f I’d want for myself, but I’d not even think of it for other people. If that makes any sense?

I’m relatively anti-social, so the idea of having to have been that close to more than one person gives me the heebie jeebies! :o

fulltimeworkingmotherof4 · 07/05/2019 15:46

I am in the same boat, my eldests dad and I are still great friends but it just didn't work, the dad of middle 2 left me for my oldest friend, thank got he did! He doesn't bother with his kids or finically support them and the younests dad and I are still going strong. Ignore the haters........I do!

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AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2019 15:52

Why does anyone need to know?

NotSoThinLizzy · 07/05/2019 15:52

My cousin has 5 kids with 3 different dads but she was in decent relationship with all dads before kids then they dissapeared when she got pregnant. I dont judge her I judge them. Some dads are involved some are not. I dont really see it as antibodies business

PinkCrayon · 07/05/2019 15:52

I have children by 2 different Dads.
I alway remember an older friend of mine going on about how she waited so long to have kids because she wanted to find the perfect partner and get married first she was determined she wanted the perfect family (as if I hadnt)
Then 8 years and two kids later he cheated on her and wanted out of the marriage.
Some people can be judgemental but then they come to realise people dont set out for it to happen. Life happens, people let you down or you fall out of love.
As long as the kids are safe and happy its all that matters.

I certainly wouldnt judge.

Notjudesmum · 07/05/2019 15:52

I’m the same! 1st DC I had when I was 17. Her dad was NC and I got on with everything myself till I met my husband. We were together 11 years and had 2 DC. Our marriage broke down because we’d become different people with different ambitions and we decided together to separate. I then met DP and after 4 years together I fell pregnant. Not planned but happy all the same. I couldn’t give a rats arse what ppl think. I’ve provided for all my children, I’ve never asked anyone else to pay for them and I’ve only ever claimed child benefit (so ppl that think I just have children for extra benefits are wrong!) We’re a house with a mixture of last names but it’s irrelevant to all of us. We’re one family.

DetectiveSantiago · 07/05/2019 15:56

The situation you've described, ie 2 previous long term partners is hardly something to judge about.
I'm the same as you, I had four children by three different men back in the 1970s. They've all grown as happy adults with DC of their own so I wouldn't say there was any detrimental effect on them.
Unlike you, however, I didn't have long term partners and me explaining exactly how my situation happened wouldn't have made it any more "respectable" so I've often avoided the subject as well.

Original poster
doodlesnoodles · 07/05/2019 15:59

No one really needs to know but it does come up in conversation sometimes, I'll mention one of them is at their dads. I think it's noticable looking at my children that they don't all have the same dad, different hair colours and eye colours so people tend to realise even if they don't know the full details

OP posts:
LokiDokiArtichoki · 07/05/2019 15:59

Same as my mum - 4 children from 3 relationships. Although there was a lot more stigma about this sort of thing in the 80s I wouldn’t have thought it was a huge deal in this day and age.

We were never allowed to mention it. She was very embarrassed (I’m not sure if that came from her or her mum though) but it really doesn’t mean anything! I’ve never referred to my siblings as ‘half’ as they all mean the same to me and I don’t look at them any differently at all.

I have 4 - 2 from each marriage but it’s never even crossed my mind that it was something to be ashamed of

bigbluebus · 07/05/2019 16:13

I know someone who is in that situation. The children all see their biological fathers. The first thought that came into my mind was one of admiration for her organisational skills in getting the children to their dads on different days of the week/alternate weekends.

Happyspud · 07/05/2019 16:16

Life doesn’t always happen as you expect. All that matters is that you did your best to choose partners carefully and wisely. What they do is not your responsibility and stranger things have happened than two very serious relationships going tits up in a lifetime.

FiremanKing · 07/05/2019 16:19

When I split with my ex my solicitor told me matter of factly that in today’s society the expectation of being with one partner for a lifetime has changed to the reality of people having an average of four long term partners over the course of their lifetime.

With that in mind it’s to be expected that people will have children with several partners.

She quoted me the stats from a publication but I can’t recall what it was.

maggieagg · 15/09/2022 21:56

same boat, 4 children 3 different dads . let people think whatever , if youre a good mum and your kids are looked after who cares . you should be proud of yourself children are hard enough never mind having three men in your life for the foreseeable 😂

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