Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Want to stop BF-had enough!

39 replies

namewobble · 06/05/2019 19:26

Hi all,

I've totally had enough of breastfeeding. DS is over 1. I really struggled in the early days (was bloody painful), but grew to love it, and we've had a good BF relationship. DS would still feed every two hours if he got the chance, and he does tend to bite. I have just had enough, I want my body back. I don't want to do it any more and it's effecting how I relate to him.

I really can't work out how to stop! He cosleeps mostly with DH and then we tag out at 4am, when DS wakes for a feed. Then feeds again at about 6.30. Three days a week I go to work, so he doesn't feed again until 6. His days with me, though, he's at me often! We're trying to introduce warm cows milk in a bottle for comfort. Does anyone else have any suggestions? I just can't find much between 'train your baby from day 1' and 'I breast-fed until my child was seven'

OP posts:
LordPickle · 06/05/2019 19:36

I feel your pain OP but I don't have much advice. I just wish that I'd stopped when my DS was 1 because now it feels impossible and he's 2.5 Blush

He's totally obsessed with it and would sit with my boob in his mouth all day if I would let him. It doesn't help that I'm a SAHM so he has all day access.

Stop as soon as you can. The longer it goes on, the harder it can be to stop. Distraction is a good technique and also bribery. If my DS wants to feed, I'll offer him fruit or something I know he likes. Or I'll take him on a walk, etc.

Having said this, he is still nowhere near being weaned so hopefully someone will come along with good advice for both of us.

DoomOnTheBroom · 06/05/2019 19:37

How many feeds is he having each day? If it's only 1-2 the you could stop cold turkey if you wanted to. You'll be a little bit tender for a couple of days but a supportive bra helps and hand-expressing a small amount to relieve the pressure but not a full feeds worth as you want your body to get the message that it's no longer needed.

I had more success with giving a bottle when DH was the one offering it. When I weaned mine I got DH to do a bedtime feed with a bottle then for bed I wore a vest top tucked into shorts and a pyjama top over it to hinder easy access during the night and stop them helping themselves while I slept. The first couple of nights were a little bit unsettled then it was fine after that, I'd start on a weekend so there's no work the next morning.

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 19:55

That's sobering Lord! I can see him being like that. I keep reading about 'natural term' and talking to people whose babies magically gave up but I really, really don't want to rely on that. He eats solids really happily but he'll default to bf if I'm there, or even give up halfway through a meal and cry for me-I do not enjoy bfing a baby covered in banana.

On work days he's only having 3 feeds in 24 hours, so I think as far as my boobs go I could probably cold turkey. I don't feel engorged at work and I'm going up to 12 hours between feeds.

Honestly the thought of not having to do this any more makes me feel so happy but I'm worried about breaking his tiny heart. I'm due to go away a night at the end of the month and considering just extending it.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families
Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 19:55

Also, my periods haven't come back, and I'd like to try for another before he's two, so it does feel important.

OP posts:
DoomOnTheBroom · 06/05/2019 20:00

They forget, really they do. DS was outraged when I stopped feeding him but by the second or third night he was fine and instead of rummaging around for a boob in the night he just cuddled me.

You might feel a bit emotional when you stop too, it's a hormonal thing almost like the post-birth hormone crash. I wasn't prepared for that.

Cannyhandleit · 06/05/2019 20:01

I stopped at 13m! He wasn't looking for boob through the day at all but wanted it every 2hrs at night! I was exhausted!
I moved him into his own room to see if the separation from me would help, nope! So I had to go cold turkey which also meant cry it out! It was awful and I hated it but he actually fell asleep after 20 mins the first night and by night 3 he was absolutely fine! It's not for everyone and believe me it's not something I rushed into it was very much a last resort!

Surfskatefamily · 06/05/2019 20:02

Im so in the same boat...with the amount of bfeeding my 1yr 2month old! Im just not totally decided about stop or not yet but i dont want it to be harder post 2.

He went down to 3 times a day but has lately been on my boob soooooo much.
Im following to see what the advice is.
Dont wana make my boy sad. Also i nurse him to sleep abd i dont mind keeping just that going

user1474894224 · 06/05/2019 20:02

That's how I stopped with my first at 14 months....just went away one night and left him with dad. He was absolutely fine so I realised he didn't 'need' it. I just wore a bra all the time so he couldn't actually get there. Lots of distraction and being out helped. And just telling him no. I gave a beaker of warm cow's milk at bed time which he took a while to get into. But he had lots of milk on cereal and other sources of calcium so wasn't a major deal.

You've done brilliantly going this long.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 20:05

I breastfed one to 14 months and the other to 13 months. For last 2 months, there was only a night feed before bed, possibly one in the morning. I went cold turkey with both of them and it worked brilliantly. A bit of fuss for two days and then it was a distant memory. You've done great, so if you are ready to stop then definitely stop.

BertieBotts · 06/05/2019 20:08

They don't usually stop by themselves until they are much older so if you want him to stop now, you will need to be proactive about it.

I find Kellymom good for BF issues in general and it has some useful suggestions for how to wean here:

kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/weaning-techniques/

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/05/2019 20:08

Honestly you may have some tantrums but you just stop. Don’t allow a child access to your breasts if you don’t want to.

@LordPickle what do you mean he’s not weaned? Has he got additional needs?

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 20:11

Doom thank you, it's so good to hear that he'll get over it. Feel like I've already had a bit of the emotional crash when I started work-the sudden drop definitely had a big effect on my mood.

Canny I've just done CIO tonight for the first time, not really on purpose. DH is out. I tried nursing him to sleep, got bitten on each side, and just walked out. Took him about 20 minutes to get to sleep.

Thanks, user. It was so tough early on I really coached myself through it with a one-day-at-a-time mantra, you know, 'it's not forever, he's only tiny once'. I want that to be over now!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 06/05/2019 20:12

First I did Dr Jay Gordon night weaning method, with DH. Two horrible nights, then no more night feeds.

DC had sippy cup with cold cow’s milk at the CM’s, and food etc, though wasn’t a big eater at that stage. I decided to carry on bfeeding in the early evenings and at weekends, in the day, a while longer.

DoomOnTheBroom · 06/05/2019 20:12

I take "weaned" to mean not weaned from breastfeeding rather than not having solid food. Most people I know use weaning in relation to milk and solids in relation to food so any baby/toddler still have boob or a bottle they'd say they're not weaned yet. DC4 is 2.5 and not fully weaned yet either, she has a feed at bedtime and occasionally one at naptime or if she's unwell.

moreismore · 06/05/2019 20:12

This might help for nights drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html. Kellymom and Sarah ockwell Smith have info too if you google.

PepsiLola · 06/05/2019 20:13

Does he have a dummy?
Although that's probably not the best advice.

I think you might just have to have a tough week and say no to every request. You will have to stay strong even during the night, as he can't have mixed messages. Kids soon forget, I can imagine in two weeks things will be how you want them.

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 20:14

Diana have you done this? What ages?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 06/05/2019 20:15

Weaning in British English refers to both, you can clarify with "wean from the breast" or "wean onto solids".

RandomMess · 06/05/2019 20:18

I suggest you go away for at least a week on holiday with friends or family without DS and DH WinkGrin

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 20:19

Doom yeah it's a vague term! DS has been BF from day 1, introduced solids at 6 month (baby lead, he hates being fed, and he likes food), he's still breastfeeding as well-every few hours, if he's with me. I can't see him going for a partial withdrawal-I feel like I need to just stop.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/05/2019 20:28

I did this at 18 months with my daughter and 12 months with my son. With my daughter, I was so tired driving to work that I thought I'd go for a sleep on the motorway. With my son, he bit me so hard that I thought he'd bitten my nipple off. Both were old enough to understand "All gone" so that's what I said. Both roared with anger, but I had to stop and just repeated "All gone" for a couple of days and they forgot all about it.

You'll feel great when you stop!

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 20:32

Thank you so much, everyone. It's funny, I've been really confident in my parenting decisions so far, but am struggling to give myself permission with this one. I'm surrounded by mothers who feed one, and then all through pregnancy, then two at once. I would rather throw myself out of the window!

OP posts:
fblake · 06/05/2019 20:37

I BF DS till he was 2, he was obsessed with feeding too, I put lemon juice on my nipples and told him they were broken when he went to feed. He then happily accepted the warm milk in a cup. It was hard but it was the only way I could make him stop.

Original poster
namewobble · 06/05/2019 20:44

No dummy Pepsi, he knew when he was being fobbed off even at a very young age!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/05/2019 20:58

The thing is that you have to stop sometime. Honestly, my two were obsessed and neither took a bottle at all, but they just accepted it within a day or two, making me realise I could have stopped much earlier.