How to honour Mum after she’s died 💐

[BabyBrindley]

Hello, looking for advice from Mums who have possibly been through the same. I lost my mum at the young age of 43 in February this year, she never got to be a nanny. I miscarried my first baby in January. I am pregnant again if by some miracle! I’m very early days only nearly 6 weeks so fearful the same will happen again. But I’ve got an early scan on the 22nd May. If all is well I would like ways and ideas I can incorporate my mum in to every part of the pregnancy. From first scan, to gender reveal, to baby’s nursery, to the birth. I feel she’s sent me this little one and I want her to be involved. My mum has a tree and bird box at a nearby cemetery which is more like a woodlands it is lovely there. I am thinking of laminating a photo scan if all is well and leaving it there with flowers, doing a gender reveal balloon next to her tree and bringing baby to see her straight from leaving the hospital. But any ideas I would love to hear 🧸

i'm sorry to hear about your mum OP, it's lovely that you want to incorporate her into your babies life. all the ideas you listed sound great. if the baby is a girl would you consider giving it your mums name, or using your mum's name as a middle name? all the best x

All sound lovely and if you have a girl, you could name her after your mom. Doesn't have to be first name but middle name.

Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your pregnancy

Maybe a stone figure of a little boy /girl to stand in the woods?
Sorry for your loss.
Make sure you enjoy the early baby days. Your dm would want you to - not be just mourning your loss.
Have you considered incorporating her name somehow? Middle name or male version if a ds?

I love the idea of a little boy or girl statue in the woods. My mums name was Jacqueline known as Jackie. The baby I lost in January was a little girl I liked the name Lily Jacqueline but my Mum even though she was very sick made it clear she did not like her name enough for me to give it to baby 😂 she loved nature, birds etc. I officially lost the baby at Christmas so I named her Robin which mum loved. If it’s a boy I like Leo Jack, Leo for strength like a lion like his nanny and Jack as a middle name short for Jackie x

OP, if you want to honour her with a girl baby and give the middle name Jacqueline you should do it, I mean it! My mum is still with us, but when I told her I planned to give DD her name as a middle name she was horrified as she hated her name , but nowadays she proudly introduces DD to everyone as first name-middle name, even though it's a name nobody would hyphenate. She's so happy about it now that I'm glad I stuck with my plan

So sorry about your Mum and the baby you lost, op. Have you thought of getting a plaque made with the hand and footprint of your baby? I think you can get kits on Amazon where you take the prints, then you send them off to the company which makes the plaque, as a lasting memory.

Are you able to afford a plaque on a bench in a beauty spot that you couldn’t visit when you have baby and to sit on the bench. As your child grows it will always be somewhere to visit outdoors.

Can I suggest incorporating her name in some way, we used my grandmothers for similar reasons, even for a boy there's often a parallel boys name. Do be aware that a lot of places don't allow things stuck to trees/memorials etc. When dd was born I took her to the garden of remembrance at 2 days old, it felt right.

Take care and talk to people in rl including your care team as it's really helpful for them to know your circumstances, ensure it's on your notes so someone doesn't suggest talking to your mum - they would be horrified to upset you unnecessarily.

A plaque or bench alongside a gravestone, and when your child is born, try to visit there each anniversary with your child. And incorporating her name in some way- even if its a boy, depending on her maiden name, that could be chosen if there is not a male name equivalent.

Was there a book of hers or something else that could be given to your child when she or he is old enough to be aware?

That’s lovely I like you stuck to your guns and still have her your mums name as a middle name.
I love the idea of a little footprint kit.
And there’s a nice bench next to mums tree so it makes it really relaxing to just sit and relax. But a bench possibly somewhere up the Peak District would be nice, somewhere you can go walking.
That’s the only problem with the tree it has to be very natural which I understand as it is woodlands, the vases for flowers have to be their own so they blend in. Anything put there can be left for a few eats for special occasions then they will ask you to remove them. And I hadn’t actually considered telling my care team but that’s a good idea as I’m young so lots of people still assume I have a Mum, that’s something I will bring up with them.
Thank you everyone! X

A few days * I meant in previous post. And my mum bought some baby Einstein CDS for my baby girl I lost so I will pass them down to this little one x

I have a nearly three year old and a nine month old. My dad died in September and now it looks like my mum is dying too. It's dreadfully hard to go through this when you have small DC.

I wonder if, rather than incorporating your DM into the pregnancy, it might be helpful to think about 'bringing her to life' for your DC as they grow up? So you can have pictures around, you can tell stories of what your DM was like. I plan to tell my DC about my DF's great sense of adventure in the hope it will be inspirational, and my DM's strong sense of social justice and ability to speak up in pretty much any situation!

We also gave DS DF's name as a middle name.