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What gives you a sense of purpose?

13 replies

AlexaShutUp · 06/05/2019 12:29

I feel like I am lacking a sense of purpose in my life, and wonder how other people feel about this. What is it that makes your life meaningful?

Obviously, I know that a lot of people will say their dc, and I get that. I do get a sense of purpose from my dd and I'm immensely proud of the person that she is becoming. She brings me enormous joy. However, somehow, that isn't enough.

I guess others will refer to their jobs or voluntary work. I have a demanding job in a sector that makes a positive difference to people's lives, but as I'm in a senior manager role, I don't get much contact with the people who benefit. Obviously, I do have the opportunity to have a direct impact on the staff in my team, and I try very hard to create a positive working environment for them. But again, work doesn't seem to be quite enough.

I also volunteer regularly. I enjoy it and get a sense of achievement from it, but again, it doesn't fill the gap.

I try to be a good friend and I do a lot for my ageing parents. All rewarding, but still, I feel some kind of emptiness.

I have experimented with religion over the years. I know that this gives many people a sense of meaning and I'd love to be a believer, but I just can't buy into it. None of the main religions are believable to me, no matter how hard I try.

It isn't that my life is empty. I am actually quite busy. In many ways, I know that I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for what I've got. I have everything that I need. I just have this ever-present gnawing sense of emptiness, a sense that I was supposed to do something more with my life. I just don't know what.

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I just looking for something that doesn't exist? How can I shake this?

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 06/05/2019 12:50

Just me, then?

OP posts:
OnlyRealButterWillDo · 06/05/2019 13:16

For me it's my three children (and my husband too). I do volunteer work, used to run playgroups and had a job at one point before becoming a sahm who volunteers but only me being mum has made me feel that's why I'm here. As long as my kids are happy, healthy and well behaved then I'm utterly satisfied. I guess it explains why for the first 26 years of my life I had no ambition for a career. I worked full time but I worked to live, never lived to work. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I have no advice for you I'm afraid. It does sound like you have all the basics covered. Friends, family and career. Perhaps a change in career might be good for you. Have a look round for something that interests you (and will pay the bills of course).

AlexaShutUp · 06/05/2019 18:33

Thanks onlyreal. I have looked around at career options but feel a bit trapped as my current role is well paid and ultra-flexible. To earn the same salary elsewhere, I'd probably have to compromise on work-life balance, which I'm not really willing to do while dd is still at home.

I do get tremendous satisfaction from being a mum, but that alone doesn't give me the fulfilment that I crave. I'm also very mindful of the fact that dd will probably have gone off to university five years from hence, and she may want to go off travelling or whatever, so I feel like it's important for me to have other sources of meaning/purpose as well. I saw my own mum fall apart when we left home and I guess I'm anxious to pre-empt that if I can, while also taking the time to really enjoy the time that we have with dd while she's still at home.

I don't even know what I'm looking for tbh. There is nothing wrong with my life as such. Maybe I'm just greedy in wanting more....

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 06/05/2019 19:03

I should add that I do really enjoy my job. My colleagues are fabulous and we have a good laugh, I get to use my skills for the benefit of others and I'm always learning something new.

I just want more from life somehow. It feels self-indulgent to say that as I know I'm very fortunate compared to many people. I guess I was wondering if anyone else ever feels the same.

OP posts:
TellItLikeItReallyIs · 06/05/2019 19:15

I just want more from life somehow. It feels self-indulgent to say that as I know I'm very fortunate compared to many people. I guess I was wondering if anyone else ever feels the same.

I think many people do feel the same. I think also that many people pretend to themselves that something is more important than it is so they don't mentally have to confront the void inside themselves - typically this is work (workaholics) or parents (the children are the be all and end all of their lives).

I have a career path that is very structured - think like the army. I have learnt through bitter experience that at every stage I thought I would achieve fulfilment if I got to the next rung. I never did. Each time I just started hungering for the next rung.

I am now at the top with no more rungs to go. I feel exactly how you describe - and self-indulgent with it as I have had a huge sense of achievement. Yet I've been disguising the void with focusing on the next rung up. I'm all out of rungs and no idea what to do next.

I only really get that fulfillment through work and only very intermittently - when I've lead something complex and difficult under high pressure that has had an outcome against all odds.

I wish I had a deep religious faith as I think this can help.

Racerback · 06/05/2019 19:19

Life has no purpose. Where on earth did you get the idea that it should have?

It’s a cliche but it’s true: let go. Just be.

Wigeon · 06/05/2019 19:20

How old are you? Are you coming up to a big birthday (40 or 50 maybe?). It sounds a bit like a mid life crisis thing - “is this really it?”.

Are you just basically bored? Even a demanding job can be boring if you know what you’re doing. Do you need a major change of career challenge? If you don’t subscribe to an organised religion, do you have a clear sense of your values and thoughts on what life’s about, to give you focus? The British Humanist Association has a helpful articulation of one non-religious perspective on life.

snowdrop6 · 06/05/2019 19:31

Following,because I feel the same.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/05/2019 20:01

Work, when it's going well, gives me a sense of purpose, although it also frequently drives me to the brink of despair and sometimes over it.

I don't know if it's for a sense of purpose as such, but I do know that taking time to do something creative (I'm not very good at it, but I love drawing) or to spend some time looking at trees and listening to birds is very, very important to me. It definitely helps to keep me sane, anyhow!

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 06/05/2019 20:06

A sport or hobbies might fill the gap?

Something you can do purely because you enjoy it and it feels good rather than because it has any value to others

TheBlackDogFollowsHim · 06/05/2019 20:09

Various things for me:

• My DC
• My job which I really love and challenges me everyday
• Running and cycling
• My hobbies (painting, cooking, pottery)
• Seeing friends
• Art galleries

I fill my time with the stuff I love

Hiddenaspie1973 · 06/05/2019 20:11

My part-time work. My daughter. Gardening. Cycling. Feeding my family.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 06/05/2019 20:12

Forgot my cat!!😂😂

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