Best arrangement for 50/50 custody

[withaclearhead]

My partner and I are separating and have agreed to a 50/50 custody arrangement for our 2 DC. But we are unsure how to make the arrangement work best for everyone?

The children are 5 and 7 and we don't want to do a week on, week off at this stage. Are having set days the best option? Or changing things weekly maybe.

All I know is that I am going to really miss them 🙁

If no safeguarding concerns mon tues with on parent, wed thurs with the other then alternate weekend. This means any childcare needs would be easy as child with same parent for particular weekday nights each week. Didn’t work for us as one parent needed to see kids every other day for safeguarding. They are moe to and fro but now are teens stick with it and like it. Now split holidays and alternate Christmas. We live close so easy if forget things etc.

In our case we do 50/50 with my DSD - one week at a time from Sunday evening to Sunday evening. She has two lots of everything at each home including school uniform so she literally comes over bringing her school bag.

This is a relatively new arrangement (was EOW but her mum isn’t coping very well at the moment) and for the first couple of weeks she got a little upset at missing her mum but she’s now settled and understands how it works.

Will see how it progresses as she gets older!

Being flexible is best for the kids even if you have a normal pattern week to week. Too many of these threads are about parents putting their need to be horrible/negative to the other parent above their kids needs!

Moving beds frequently is fine for some children and unsettling for others, my friend has a different arrangement, whoever is having the kids stays in the family home, the other goes to flat they own (originally though now she goes to her partner's place).

One thing I would say is that I think a successful 50:50 arrangement depends on both parents having been fully involved with parenting while living together. If one has been doing the majority of the care before the split, that should be maintained after the split for the child's sake.