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Baby allergies and my depression! Help!

8 replies

MamaNewitt · 05/05/2019 20:16

Hi everyone I started this thread as I couldn’t find anything online to help me. My 7 month old has severe allergies to cows milk, soy and wheat and we suspect strawberries, eggs and nuts too. My day to day life is hard to say the least, my baby cry’s all the time screams in fact his skin is constantly sore I have a mountain of creams and ointments to put on him but nothing helps so he cry’s. My nights are horrible little man wakes up every hour to breastfeed most of the time for comfort I guess which has left me exhausted and miserable and I have a 5 year old to run around after too. I’ve tried giving baby solids but after a few allergic reactions to foods he wont let me near him unless it’s boob. My husband is as supporting as he can be but he’s just as exhausted and his patience is very thin with me atm. My depression is getting out of hand I think about killing myself every second of the day and sometimes I wish my baby would just have a allergic reaction and die so I don’t have to deal with him anymore and things go back to the way they were before he come along, I feel like if my baby does die I will fell relieved more than anything else, how deranged is that. I feel like I’m close to hurting my baby as I can’t cope with the screaming anymore and I have no support system other then my husband but he works 14 hours shifts and is so tired I feel like I’m bugging him with my problems. I tried talking to my doctor but he only suggested I speak to a support group but if you know me you would know I’m not one for talking about myself or problems, I can just about talk to my husband but even then he doesn’t know all about how I’m feeling. I’m scared about what the day will bring every morning and I’m anxious about trying to get my baby to eat and help him develop. I just want to run away literally, I’m very close to leaving my family but I couldn’t do that to my husband and my 5 year old would be devastated as we are really close, well we were till baby come along now I don’t even listen to him when he talks to me I just stare at him like I’m not there and I think he knows I’m doing this but I can’t help it I just shut off out of sheer exhaustion and hopelessness. I just don’t know how to move forward in life without panicking about the thought of how to even do it. I don’t even know where to begin getting through this. Killing myself seems like the easiest option for me, anyway, not for anyone else but I’m caring less and less about how they will cope without and more about how I can’t live this life anymore.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 05/05/2019 21:31

That sounds incredibly tough.

I think you need to seek help immediately. Maybe from the Samaritans in the first place and then the HV or GP on Tuesday?

Do you have anyone who could give you a break? Any family? Or could you afford a night nanny or even a babysitter short term? Could DP take some annual leave from work?

Would the baby take a bottle?

Tinyteatime · 05/05/2019 21:53

I think you should phone Samaritans until you can see your doctor on tues. please tell them you feel suicidal. What sort of allergic reactions has LO had? Have they been referred to a specialist Pediatrician? I take it baby has severe eczema ? This is incredibly painful and itchy for them and hellish for you. Are there maybe some online support groups for parents of babies with severe eczema/allergy, Facebook maybe?

www.eczema.org/get-support

This is a U.K. website and this is a US website but there is an online forum, it might offer you some support or info on how to deal with baby?

www.inspire.com/groups/national-eczema-association/

LokisLover · 05/05/2019 22:01

You poor thing. I totally sympathise as my day was diagnosed with many allergies after an anaphylactic shock at 6 months. I found the world terrifying, didn’t know what to do, had crap paediatric allergy consultants at my local hospital and I only had to deal with one child.
In a weird way I mourned for what I thought should be and it took a while for me to deal with the shock of an ill baby.

But all that aside you need help and support for you right now. As hard as it is can you tell your dh how you’re feeling? If not please talk to your dr, please. It’s a very scary and lonely place to be.
I did some research in to the next closest hospital with a decent allergy clinic and went to the dr to be re-referred. Best thing I did as they were great with me too.
My ds is now 13. He’s grown out of nut, peanut, lentil, baked egg allergies. We’re still not quite there with milk but we’re getting there and life is more manageable and less scary.
Please dm me if you want to chat. You’re not alone.

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RedCrab · 06/05/2019 08:47

You poor thing - this sounds incredibly tough. I had similar with my first in terms of allergies, and I found it really affected me mentally - but not to the extent it does to you. You poor thing :(

I can only offer practical help with the allergies. If you can get support with those, it might have a knock on affect with easing the depression perhaps? Or at least give you space to breathe.

Food - he’s only seven months and doesn’t need to be depdendent on solids totally just yet. I would ease off offering him anything until he’s more settled. Maybe around 8 months you could offer him plain vegetables - steamed carrots and broccoli, cauliflower and varieties of potatoes. All “safe” things. You could make a very simple soup or offer him potatoe wedge - big chunky things that he’ll love handling and you’ll feel happy about him having.

The hospital - has he definitely had things confirmed? Did they not offer any anti histamine to help things settle down? If not - can you transfer his care to another hospital? I had to fight for a referral after kissing my DS at four months after I’d had peanuts. His skin blistered off and they still didn’t refer me. We paid for a one off private appointment- and when I went back to my doctor, he finally referred me. But the first hospital were crap and I was in pieces, struggling with coping with it. I rang another hospital and asked to transfer his allergy care to them and they agreed. Luckily that was the Evelina clinic at Guys and St Thomas - who have an amazing allergy clinic. They prescribed daily anti histamine to DS - who was five months - for a month to help settle the initial reaction.

Having that really helped with sleep and helped me mentally. Please look into it.

Breastfeeding - a lot of my DS reaction was coming through my milk. I cut out a lot of stuff. I know there’s not a lot of evidence to show anything comes through milk but my DS’s skin was horrendous for months until I did. My DS was prescribed Fucibet initially because he had developed a bacterial skin infection from all the scratching so that needed clearing up.

Scratch sleeves were a god send for sleeping and stopping itching.
As was propolis bee cream to help with the horrendous eczema.
From about one years old, I would buy 1% steroid cream to deal with break outs. It’s not advised for young children but I reached a point where I felt I had to take things into my own hands. Daily moisturiser and steroid cream for breakouts managed his eczema. I would tel the chemist it was for me and I am not remotely regretful because my actual GP was useless and I felt the risk was worth the pay off.

Finally - it will pass. It will. My DS is six now and he still has the same allergies but his skin has been beautiful since he was about two years old. At one point we couldn’t even put him in the bath without having to hold his hands - because he would just claw at his skin. He really did just begin to grow out of it. It just happened and though I put a lot of effort into managing his eczema, it also simply just lessened.

If you can - consider changing doctors/ your son’s care. You need support and you need proactive help in managing the allergies. You don’t have to accept the level of care you’ve been getting.

MamaNewitt · 06/05/2019 11:46

Hi everyone thankyou for your lovely messages I was worried I was going to be judged on my feelings, where to start, we have spent time in hospitals due to reactions and skin infections, we have seen a dermatologist and have countless amount of steroids and we have these bandage garments he can wear at night to help with his skin and we have daily antihistamine medicine too but it makes no difference, I cut out milk, soy and wheat about 4 months ago and recently egg and nuts, he’s having a horrific flair up as we speak and I think that may be due to either lentils or chickpeas as I have started eating a lot of those to make up the loss of the other foods, I am hungry and tired all the time and try to eat as much as possible, I’ve lost about 2-3 stone in the last few months. We have his allergy test tomorrow believe or not, we have been on the urgent list since he was about a month old I couldn’t believe it too so long and I had to really fight to get us there too, I went doctors nearly everyday because I felt they weren’t taking me seriously, all the doctors at our practice are other men 😐 Our doctors are crap but we live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall and I don’t drive so I have to make do. When I first when to the doctor I said it must be cow milk allergy but the doctor said it couldn’t be as I was breastfeeding 🤬 I don’t go to him anymore and put in a complaint towards him. We first found out little man had milk allergies after we kissed him and blew raspberries on his belly and he came up with instant hives and started scratching and screaming this was when he was a couple weeks old! lokislover and redcrab I could of written your posts too, I’m doing everything that you both have suggested and i am also dealing with the shock of having a ill baby I feel angry that he isn’t “normal” and that thought makes me feel guilty. Our 5 year old was soo easy lol I’m hoping once we figure out exactly what he is allergic to things will get better for us. It nice talking to others that have gone through it too. Thankyou xx

OP posts:
MamaNewitt · 06/05/2019 12:05

*doctors are older men I mean

OP posts:
RedCrab · 06/05/2019 13:26

I know exactly what you mean about not having a “perfect” baby in terms of health. It was a huge shock to me too. He was my first. All my friends babies were perfect. It all felt so wrong.

Hang in there OP. It will get better. Keep posting even if it’s just to vent. The endless scratching cycles drove me insane - it shouldn’t be minimised, the effect it can have xxxx

FuckaDucky · 06/05/2019 13:49

You poor thing this sounds incredibly hard. Please phone the Samaritans and talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Also your health visitor - they may be able to help with some mental health support for you where your gp surgery is obviously lacking. You can also self refer to Outlook South West and, if you are feeling at imminent risk of hurting yourself or your baby please phone 999.

Is your appointment at RCHT Treliske? Are you seeing the dietician or the allergy clinic? I believe the dietician comes first.

Are you keeping a food diary for yourself and your baby?

Lastly does your baby have a dummy? A relative of mine whose baby had eczema said it helped to soothe them and stop them scratching for short periods.

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