Gift (wedding related with added complication)

[nrpmum]

One of my dearest friends is getting married soon. Shortly after she is having a double mastectomy and hysterectomy as she was diagnosed with breast cancer that is hormone driven a couple of months ago.

I was originally going to get them some holiday vouchers, but they can't do that now so I was thinking a few personalised bits not photoframe and a cancer pamper hamper. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I was thinking things from the sensible to the really bad taste. My friend will see the funny side if I bought her chicken fillets for example as bad taste as that is

Can anyone help me with ideas that won't cost the earth? Also if anyone has been through that kind of surgery can you help with what practical items I can put in for her?

As somebody with advanced breast cancer myself, I wouldn't like my 'happiest day' to be commemorated by a gift which focussed on my illness. I think that something for the couple which is incidentally comforting is the way to go, like a beautiful quilt or set of bedding.

Not Another Bunch of Flowers was startled for just these type of situations.

@BitOfFun valid point. They live a long way away from me, and I would still like to give her an eclectic hamper of something to put a smile on her face after the operation. Better to give it to my Mum to give to her after the op do you think?

@BikeRunSki thank you. I didn't know that website existed.

Not sure what your budget is, but some florists do a subscription service where they will send a bunch of flowers every month. How about something like this?

Regarding surgery, the biggest advice is to be there for her, but be sensitive to how she is feeling. One friend visited me post op and brought a simple lunch. That was lovely. Sometimes she will feel like visitors, other times she may not. Her mood will also will be up and down post op.

Yes, I'd definitely make a smaller gift just for her after the surgery. Just don't make the wedding present about her cancer.

A dear friend of mine sent me this after I was diagnosed

You'll have to click on the image for the full effect!

I’m sorry but giving a cancer related gift for her wedding is an insane idea. Her wedding should be a happy, worry free day that is about celebrating/formalising her relationship. The cancer is a totally separate thing. Honestly if one of my friends did that I’m not sure we’d be friends anymore - it would ruin the wedding for me.

Give a nice wedding gift, and then entirely separately give her something to help re the cancer. Don’t combine the two.

@BitOfFun was going to get some personalised bits for her from the years we have known each other that I know she'll like.

@Petalflowers she's not really a flowers girl, more sweets 😂 suppose I could get her sweet tree's. I live 200 miles away, so won't be able to drop in on her. ATM I send her lots of inappropriate memes that she responds to when she is up to it. She just wants me to be my usual idiot self, which I'm more than capable of delivering 😂

@TinselTimes message rcvd loud and clear. Have already said I'll get my Mum to drop a package round after her op.

I live 200 miles away, I can't just pop round.

@BitOfFun my friend would appreciate that. I'll be sending that to her later

Why can't you give the holiday vouchers, give her something to look forward to? I am going through Chemo at the moment, double mastectomy will be next. I spend an inordinate amount of time planning next year's holidays and have managed a few nights with DH in nice hotels as it helps me feel like my life isn't just about my breast cancer. I presume your friend will have some kind of honeymoon.

Do a wedding hamper - like one from Fortum and Mason. Rather than a cancer pamper hamper!

"She just wants me to be my usual idiot self, which I'm more than capable of delivering"

That's a promising start! Is she receiving chemo at the moment, then having a short break for the wedding, then if the chemo has done the intended, having the operation?

I think the chemo cards (n the te linked above) are great.

When spending a lot of time in hospital, you can get frightfully bored, so a voucher and a list of the silliest time-consuming games she couid put on phone/tablet. Knitting/crochetinging seem to be quite popuiar hobbies when in the chair - I was wondering I felt there were such a thing as a book of novelty/rude knitting patterns ? Plus supply of wool

Books she's like - possibly anthologies, pile of magazines, including Ines she wouldn't usually read. Puzzle compilations. Hand cream, lip balm, sheet/pillow spray, fluffy socks.

How's her hair? Beanie/dashing scarf? I on't know if anyone makes scarves with sarcastic messages about cancer subtly woven in to the print

@SnowsInWater there is not going to be a honeymoon for other reasons.

@sighrollseyes an F&M hamper is not really her or her fiancée's thing.

@GlacindaTheTroll the ideas you have given me are exactly her sense of humour. If I go all serious on her she'll worry

Oh and she has shaved her head