If your partner was away would you hear from them?

[mummyhaschangedhername]

Married 12 years and we haven't really done anything apart, other than him visiting his best friend (500 miles away) a few times when he was dying. Even then we called me at least once a day and texts in-between.

He's away with a friend, abroad, driving holiday for 5 days. I haven't really heard from him, he did call when he arrived as his friend was in the toilet other than that, it's been the odd emoji (literally in response to me asking how he slept and he gives a freezing one) or thumbs up.

I guess we have always spoken everyday, usually for hours, we did long distance before we moved in together and so would talk for hours but I'm feeling like I'm being a bit too needy so I've not called him or kept interrupting his time away.

For clarity, We have 4 children two of which have autism and learning difficulties (one with ADHD), I'm feeling poorly, we were halfway through renovating the house so currently have no kitchen (and more frustratingly no kitchen sink), I think although he didn't say I had to, but he would like me to have the kitchen painting this weekend although he would never expect it as he knows how difficult it is with the children and how the change and distribution causes extra stress for my children with ASD. The children are equally upset as Daddy is on "holidays" abroad and we have never gone aboard as a family and excited and constantly want to know what he is doing and see where he is on the map.

Half of me is really enjoying the peace and quiet to be honest and the realisation that I'm capable by myself but then the other half is missing having someone to talk thing through with (I sort of shared some frustrations to a friend and it's backfired and I'm regretting it).

Anyway, I was just wondering what's normal. I think he is away getting a break from everyone and everything so just let him enjoy and I'm being irrational to be irked by the lack of communication, but I'm a total over thinker so I find it difficult (it's Snowing there today and he's sleeping in the van so I worry but then I think I'm clearly overthinking everything).

DH travels a lot for work, I hear from him multiple times a day (what's app, pics, videos) unless he's somewhere on a totally different time zone / no reception (which is very rare). Often we don't actually speak but no need as we keep in touch in other ways.

DP and I often go away separately, either with work or with friends. Yes we contact each other every day - a few texts/ pictures of views or the one at home will send pictures of the dog, and a call most days if not every day. He’s more ‘contacty’ than me, but I would expect at least a text each day.

Unfortunately, yes.

Dh away a lot. He rings every morning and evening. Sometimes more, it depends on whats going on. Plus texts and whats app chats.

On the days when he doesn't ring my mind does drift to wondering if he's ok but I think that's cos I'm so used to him ringing.

Sometimes a bit too much. Last week he was away and on one day I was working then went out pottering in the garden in the evening. From 5 -.8.30 pm I had eleven missed calls between him and my daughter. And an avalanche of texts.

He couldn't get hold of me, so texted her if she'd spoken to me, and rhe. The pair of them panicked I'd died or had an accident or something. He'd the decided to call our neighbours to check on me, and was considering packing up and driving home. As they knew I was home alone, evening Was drawing in and I wasn't responding.

I was really annoyed actually, I mean it's sweet and all that, but they are both as bad as each other. My daughter texts me, and if I don't respond she's all where are you, are you ok.

Im fifty, I do the gym daily, I work in a responsible position. I'm not some frail old woman. Far from it. But I guess I'd much rather they cared and looked out for me, than they didnt bother to call at all.

And I suspect that answers your question. I'm sorry.

When either of us are away we usually send a brief text during the day to say how we are getting on and then a phone call each evening to catch up on what we've both been up to and plans for the next day - anywhere between 5 mins and half an hour depending on what's been happening, then the phone gets handed to the children for a brief chat each and the opportunity to say goodnight before the children go to bed.

It's not something we ever agreed to or discussed, it's just a routine we settled into when we both used to work away from home a lot (jobs with international travel).

We travel less now for work (different jobs) but still follow the same pattern even if going away with friends. Its nice to catch up

I must admit I'd find it odd just to get the odd emoji or vice versa not catch up if I was the one away (I like to know how the children are, what DH has been up to etc as does he in reverse).

Personally I think part of why we are both so relaxed about each other going away with friends/hobbies etc is because we keep in touch and share the experience by talking about what we are doing.

However each to their own.

Thanks, I get those who say it's a bit much, my mum is like that with us, I guess it doesn't help that she is messaging, calling and asking me throughout the day how he is doing. He usually calls a lot. He often calls during his work day just to chat. It's not radio silence, I've had the odd emoji and thumbs up. My mum has a group chat with us and she kept asking him and he eventually sent us a photo of him earlier (after I had written this). It's just very different to normal.

Depends where he has gone I suppose, and how busy he is. If I'm away with a friend for a few days I probably wouldn't do more than text once a day! As long as you know he's alright I wouldn't worry, he is busy doing stuff and he can tell you all about it when he gets back.

@DeRigueurMortis - yes, well I thought we were the same. He's not asked after the children or me at all. I've messaged asking how he is and has given me a thumbs up or a cold emoji. I did ask if there was activities yesterday and he said no and then I asked if there was food and he said yes. So I know he's alive etc. However, I just feel a bit lonely, I always considered him my best friend, it's been over 13 years of daily chats. I think I'm just a bit poorly too and kids are asking questions, one of them cut their finger the other night and he's usually the first aider with the kids (I've a nursing degree 😂 but he's better dealing with the kids as I don't like hurting them). It's just odd, so different from what I'm used to. I know nothing is wrong, but I just feel a bit panicky all the time.

@RedSheep73 - motor-racing, well spectating, so I fully appreciate he can't call or anything during the days, you're right, I know he's fine, I just miss our chats.

No - my DH worked away before mobiles so we rarely spoke.

Now we both work away and can go days without speaking.

He thinks that is is emotionally easier not to speak

I am too busy working!

Is he driving and just sending a quick reply ? I travel a lot for work and honestly it doesn't occur to me to phone my husband. I do send the odd text. Married 30+ years