Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

3yo refusing to talk to people he doesn't know

16 replies

beeyourself · 03/05/2019 23:36

I'm not sure if this is unusual or not, but my 3yo refuses to speak to people he doesn't know well. Even if we go to familiar places, if anyone says just hello to him, he turns away and refuses to look at them.

He's better after a while, especially if interacting with people on a task he enjoys, but I'm a bit concerned about this initial "rudeness" (I know it's not deliberately rude, obviously).

Is this usual for this age, or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Zebrasinpyjamas · 03/05/2019 23:39

Sounds very normal to me. Dc2 is the same. She's better if I explain exactly what is about to happen but even hiding behind me often happens.

She even does this if she sees close family like grandparents unexpectedly. I think she needs a bit if time to process a situation. I'm not worried at all about it.

Whitelisbon · 03/05/2019 23:42

My 3 year old refuses to talk to people she does know. There's a select few she'll talk to straight away (2 sets of grandparents, 1 aunt), a couple she'll talk to after a while (grandad, 2 aunts, 1 of my friends), and most people she won't even look at.
I have friends who've known her since she was born, and who have never had a conversation with her.
She's my 5th, all of the others have gone through it (she's the worst), but they've all got over it at some point.
I wouldn't worry too much.

Fatted · 03/05/2019 23:42

It's normal for their age and usually they will grow out of it. But there's also something called selective mutism if you want to look into it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families
DameMargaretofChalfont · 03/05/2019 23:44

Please do not be concerned - this is 100% normal.

Fear/anxiety around strangers is absolutely normal in a child of that age,
Whenever it happens just continue as normal (ie be chatty and friendly with the 3rd party) and your DS will learn that these people are just new friends - not enemies.

He will be led by your reactions so keep it friendly and encourage social interaction,

purpleme12 · 03/05/2019 23:46

Nothing to worry about. My 5 year old is still shy for the first half hour. She doesn't look at people either. This can even be people she hasn't seen for a while. I know she's not being rude she's just not very confident

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 03/05/2019 23:49

Totally normal. Mine is going through a 'shy' stage. Although that involves him hiding behind my leg, even when talking to people he knows well but doesn't see every day, before coming out from behind me to shout I'M SHY very loudly.

Honestly, don't worry. It sounds completely normal.

asteri76 · 03/05/2019 23:51

My ds is exactly the same.. he also cries if he doesn't know the person (especially around my Greek relatives he only see once a year 🙄)

moosesormeece · 03/05/2019 23:53

I'm 33 and still have to fight that instinct Blush

IWantMyHatBack · 03/05/2019 23:55

It's not selective mutism fgs, it's entirely completely utterly normal.

Original poster
beeyourself · 03/05/2019 23:58

Thanks all - I'm feeling much better about it now.

OP posts:
DinosApple · 04/05/2019 06:02

My youngest now 8, was like that too. She's still shy in new situations but will say hello to unknown (to her) people who talk to her now.

She was even like it with family and used to need plenty of warm up time at family gatherings (Christmas etc).

DinosApple · 04/05/2019 06:03

I used to let her hide behind me and give her a hug and explain to whoever it was that she was a little shy.

SimonJT · 04/05/2019 06:08

My son is three and the same, he will push his face into my legs and keep quiet if I’m stood up, if I’m sat down he’ll press his face into whatever bit of me is nearest.

It’s completely normal.

RiddleyW · 04/05/2019 06:12

DS at that age would lift my dress over his head (in a large sweeping revealing motion) if anyone spoke to him.

HappyPunky · 04/05/2019 06:12

DD is like this. If it's people I don't know I tell them that she's shy and reassure her later that they were being friendly but it's ok if she doesn't want to speak to them.

Ive encouraged high fives from quite a young age to help her avoid having her head and face stroked by strangers in the street. She isn't obliged to do that either.

If it's people I know I build it up but it's up to her as long as she's not actively rude.

User24689 · 04/05/2019 06:39

My DD is almost 4 and is only just starting to get better with this. She will now look at people and mouth hello or occasionally look down at the floor instead of actively turning away, which looks less rude! She will even say hello to some strangers depending how 'scary' she thinks they are!

I remember having the same concerns though, think I even started a thread on it. It takes a while for them to learn to behave according to how we "should" behave in polite society. At this age they just do what they feel a lot of the time!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread