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Original poster

Younger siblings and birthday party etiquette

23 replies

AveAtqueVale · 03/05/2019 21:29

DS1 is in Reception so I'm just getting used to the world of birthday parties- he's due to go to one tomorrow but DH now has to work which means I have DS2 as well. Should I text the mum in advance to say I need to bring him as well? Or does that sound like I'm being CF wanting her to invite him to join in, and I should just turn up and occupy him as I'm intending to anyway? It's somewhere I've never been before so don't know if there's anywhere near but not actually in the party room we can hang about...

OP posts:

Everydaypeople · 03/05/2019 21:40

Yes , According to mn that’s classic cf. I’ve only got 1 so never experienced this problem.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/05/2019 21:47

Text her and say your childcare has fallen through and can you bring the sibling. Cheeky otherwise, I've ran out of party bags before due to a wave of unexpected siblings! I always say now I don't mind siblings coming just let me know.

Oh and if it's somewhere that the parents pay per head then offer to stump up for your DD.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/05/2019 21:47

*DS2 sorry

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Orangedaisy · 03/05/2019 21:49

‘I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to bring dc2 with me tomorrow. Of course I’ll pay for him to do the activity/he won’t join in and he won’t need to eat or expect a party bag-I’ll bring him snacks and treats. I hope that’s ok and all the party prep is going well’

Orangedaisy · 03/05/2019 21:51

And if I got that text as party mum I’d reply that of course you can bring him along and (if possible depending on party) he can join in and eat.

WishUponAStar88 · 03/05/2019 21:52

Definitely message unless your ds2 is young enough to be immobile/ not in the way. What sort of place is it? Church hall etc numbers may not be too much of a problem. Some exclusive hire party places are very strict on child numbers. Do you have a friend who could supervise your dc1 for you?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 03/05/2019 21:52

Do you know any of the other parents to ask them to keep an eye on ds1 while you take ds2 for coffee.

3boysandabump · 03/05/2019 21:52

This is perfect

SmarmyMrMime · 03/05/2019 22:00

Public places such as soft play are easiest as you can just pay for their entry as normal.

I have had to take a sibling umpteen times, and kept them away from the party tea and party bags although sometimes if someone hasn't come at the last minute the host has chosen to accommodate them.

Now they're getting bigger, I have done drop and run or an alternate activity in the same/ nearby venue.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/05/2019 23:03

I would find that text rude if I received it. Siblings tagging along change the dynamics and out the host under pressure to accept or be made out to be unreasonable. Can another parent help out and take him alongside their own child?

EdtheBear · 04/05/2019 07:48

Soft play type places I'd pay for siblings entry.

Special activity things (limited numbers) I'd probably ask if its ok for me to drop and go. But be in a nearby park or somewhere.

Church hall type of I'd ask if its ok for me to bring LO along, if its an issue do you mind if I drop and go.

4strings · 04/05/2019 08:17

If it’s a soft play type thing there’s no issue - just pay for your other child and get them some food when it’s party food time. I have done this many times, as have many parents I know. No one bats an eyelid.

It’s only cf if the sibling is brought with an expectation that they will be fed etc. with no prior warning. I’m happy to find an extra plate for a toddler whose parent has no choice but to bring them and tend to bring spare Haribos etc. Experience talking there! Sometimes a sibling appearing has worked out well, too, when you’ve paid for someone who then hasn’t turned up...

FraterculaArctica · 04/05/2019 08:23

Utterly normal in my world, DS also in Reception and won't be left at parties so if DH or I is busy then whoever is going to the party has to take toddler DD as well. We always ask in advance and pay for entry if it's that type of venue. Never been a problem.

Turquoisetamborine · 04/05/2019 08:34

I had my son’s party last weekend. It was a soft play place so we could invite any number up to 30 for a set price. Siblings did show up but luckily I’d only asked 22 to accommodate that. I’m 11 years in to kids parties now and you learn all this stuff.

We also just had a massive piñata instead of party bags so it’s easier to share that out. The food was fine. I always overcater anyway.

None of the parents had warned me in advance that siblings were attending.

user1474894224 · 04/05/2019 08:35

I would appreciate the following message 'i hope planning is going well. Unfortunately my OH is having to work and won't be able to look after toddler. Is it ok to either just leave DS1 or can I bring along DS2 (of course he will not expect tea/joining in etc etc).' - it does very much depend on what kind of party it is. Most parents are absolutely fine with it.

widgetbeana · 04/05/2019 08:35

Been thought this many many times. I normally text (or receive texts) which are basically.

'Hi, I'm really sorry but I my childcare for xxxx little sibling has fallen through (or I have no one to look after xxxx). Would it be ok if I brought little sibling. I am more than happy to pay any extra for activities and of course will bring his own food.
I totally understand if you have to say no though, I just thought I'd ask.
Thanks so much'

Most times the responses have been no problem, on odd occasions they have been no due to limits set by the outside providers. But if you ask more than 48 hours in advance it is less likely to be seem as CF.

rookiemere · 04/05/2019 08:37

Any of the texts above would be fine. Critical thing is letting her know and making sure she knows that you don't expect DS2 to be paid for or to participate in the party.

Flamingosnbears · 04/05/2019 08:40

I've been in this position and it was never an issue taking younger siblings just let her know via text sure she'll be fine about it.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 04/05/2019 08:42

Also agree Orangedaisy has perfect reply. Chances are if you're prepared to pay any entry fee for DS it won't be a problem, sort his food yourself etc.

I remember when DD was about 7 we went to a PYO fruit farm with pizza making for tea. Two CF's turned up with invited kids and an additional sibling each and helped themselves to a punnet for that child AND at tea grabbed a plate of dough/toppings for them too! Didn't even ask me! We're talking around £10per child

I asked them to pay me the £ on their way out. I wasn't very popular but didn't give an F and these particular mums had form for this kind of behaviour.

AmethystRaven · 04/05/2019 08:43

These things happen, I would send a text like PP suggested and it's clear you're not being a CF. Anyway, there's usually someone who brings all their kids along anyway and treats it like a family event!

Echobelly · 04/05/2019 08:44

Depends what kind of party it is - if it's a paid activity for on the basis individual kids like laser tag (though I doubt it at this age), obviously other kids can't expect to join in. If it's at home or in a hall with an entertainer or something, I'd say it's fine as long as you flag up just in case 12 other people have said they need to bring siblings as well.

If it's something like soft play you could come along and pay for littler one but you can't expect them to have the meal (but maybe if there's any leftovers afterwards)

Frazzled2207 · 04/05/2019 08:45

I've had this situation a lot and just text to say really sorry I need to bring another child along, don't expect him to be fed/given a party bag, is that ok.
This crops up all the time this end.
However my two are very close in age- increasingly I am just trying to invite families rather than individual children because I know it can be awkward to take just the one child.

Elder is year 1 and the "drop and run" parties are just starting- def rude to take a sibling to one of those l!

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 04/05/2019 09:10

Totally normal that siblings have to be brought sometimes but CF territory if you don’t ensure he doesn’t muscle in on party
I had a football party where a sibling turned up in full kit and the dad said “it’s ok if he joins in, isn’t it?” -we’d planned 10 kids for. 5 a side and then had 11. He thensSat him down and let him take another child’s ore ordered burger (there were just enough for invited kids) leaving an invited child without food (thankfully the place were good and made another foc) Then sent him to queue for party bag
As long as you aren’t like that you’ll be fine!

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