Tell me how to stop being so invested in how I look

[Bedsidedrawer]

This makes me sound so shallow I know but I feel I need to share this as it's holding me back in my life.
I was brought up by very narcissistic parents who were obsessed by image and looks. I was a pretty girl when I was younger (sorry if that sounds conceited but it's more from what others said, I never really like myself) but my father bullied me about my weight and I got screwed up and placed far too much importance on my looks. I must add that I don't judge others in this way.
Now I'm 40 and of course compared to society standards I'm a bit past it. I shouldn't care. I have a gorgeous family, I've got some good core values and morals and I've had successes and good friendships. But I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact.
I recently got back into sport, something I did well in when I was younger. It's helped hugely with confidence and keeping me healthy but there's a woman in my club who is so beautiful and whilst she's my friend and I've never, never put her down or been mean to her and I never would, inwardly it knocks my confidence.
I hate myself in all photos and in this age of social media that's a real blow to self esteem.
I love and admire my friends who don't give a shit about looks. I'm 40 ffs. Never was a supermodel, never will be and won't turn heads. But why does it matter? It shouldn't!
I've had three lots of therapy for childhood issues. I want to nail this on the head now and move on

I think you are already taking steps in the right direction by developing yourself through sports. Take up some more hobbies to help yourself see your accomplishments and value beyond your looks. Vanity is the refuge of the vapid.

I’m not a supermodel either but I enjoy maintaining my looks. It makes me feel good about myself if I look as best I can. It’s not really high maintenance as such as I have got everything down to a fine art and quick routines.

It sounds more like you are comparing yourself to others that is the problem. Don’t, you are unique and should be looking at your best assets and not wrk find your hands at your features which aren’t your best.

Maybe look to raising your self esteem?

Thank you
Taking time on yourself is of course fine. I like make up and treating myself to clothes.
But you hit the nail on the head, I need to stop comparing myself to others. It is vapid!

Nothing wrong with maintaining your appearance. Let's not call it looks.

Nothing wrong with a good haircut, good teeth, highlights/colour, hair removal and well manicured or pedicured nails (doesn't have to be lurid gels etc), well applied make-up etc.

Add in a good simple and neat wardrobe and Bob's your uncle.

I had a colleague once who was uber beautiful and uber groomed. I stayed overnight with her once and realised it was achieved by an hour long beauty rputine starting at 6.30am. That's not necessary imo.

My friend is always Uber groomed. Even for sport!
I always end up a sweaty mess!
I'm slim but I have a mum tum and I'm short. Where as she is tall and willowy. I just always seem to look dumpy and mumsy in photos.
But it shouldn't rule my confidence as it does