Things you would have like to hear from your dad when you were a preteen or teen

[disneyspendingmoney]

I just read an article on Fatherly that was 7 things a boy needs to hear from his dad, these are;

“I’ve Failed a Million Times.”

“You Have to Make Yourself Happy First Before You Can Make Others Happy."

“Was That Really Your Best Effort?”

"Treat People as You Want to Be Treated.”

“Hurt people, hurt people.”

“Don’t Always Blame Yourself.”

“I Love You and Understand You.”

www.fatherly.com/love-money/what-all-boys-need-to-hear-from-their-fathers/

I'm not 100% sure I'd want to hear that from my own dad, given the person he was.

As a single dude being a dude raising a 13 &10 yo dds by myself it's a fine line between doing the right thing and ballsing things up (I think I do more if the latter than the former)

What would you want to hear from your dad at those ages that would be helpful and meaningful.

BTW disclaimer journos and content creators don't pinch what people say and pass it off as your own as real people will be saying some meaningful stuff (I hope). That will be useful (to me).

My dad told me I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it. He also told me he loved me and he was proud of me, and that I could only ever live by my own standards, no one elses. All of which is wonderful and has stuck with me. The only thing I wish he had said to me as a teenager was 'it's ok to fail, it's ok to reassess your expectations, it's ok to change course if this isn't working' I put so much pressure on myself as a teenager to get the grades everyone expected me to get, and when it looked like it wasn't going to happen I basically gave up and stopped trying, rather than reassessing the options and trying another way.

I’d have settled for him not attacking my sister with a horse whip, dragging me downstairs by one leg, and telling us we were “hopeless, helpless and useless” on a daily basis. Neither parent ever told either me or my sister that they loved us. Probably because they didn’t.

Anything positive!
And anything which didn't compare me unfavourably to my younger sister.

If telling them you love them feels awkward try saying ‘when I (tell you I’m proud of you/tell you you’re beautiful/you get the drift?) it means that I love you. Soon, the qualifier won’t be needed. Or just pop it on to the end of a phone call. ‘Byeeee! Luv ya!’ Is casual but just as meaningful.

I think the best thing my dad ever said to me (apart from the obvious I love you the most out of everyone in the whole world) is "if you ever need me, just call me and I'll be right there" and he meant it.

Whether it was 3am and I was falling down drunk and had spunked my taxi money on booze on a night out, or breaking up with an emotionally manipulative ex (threatened to kill himself, I was 16), or moving house, or having dc, he has always done everything he can to support me.

Always made it abundantly clear that he loves me not just because I am his daughter but as a person too, as well as respecting my agency growing up.

Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect by any means, but I know he will always have my back

I'd have loved / would love my dad to not be so shy and socially awkward and have some passion about something for once. He feels like a stranger. A perfectly pleasant person, but he's more like my next door neighbour than my father.

I have never heard him say 'I love you' either to me, or to my mum (they're still married). On my wedding day he shook my hand and said 'good luck mate' as I stood there in my dress. I'd love for him to display some emotion, if not for him, but for us. Sometimes it's nice to say nice things because they make the receiver happy.

The one thing I find uncomfortable is the "I love you". I was brought up with toxic masculinity so I always feel creepy AF when I tell them I love them, cos I do, even though...

Oh god you don’t have to say it lovingly in to their eyes

And tbh if you don’t actually say it a lot it would feel weird!

You can shout it up the stairs when they go bed.

‘Good night girls - love you’

‘Good night you little muppets, love you’

On the way to school -

Be good in school, don’t show me up, love you!

Tag it on the end of something