How to be more confident in social situations?

[introv3rt]

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to be more confident socially?
I'm 25 and have always been naturally quiet, people have always pointed this out so I think it's made me feel more self conscious in any social situation. I blush almost every time I speak to someone I am not 100% comfortable with and I HATE being in the spotlight (the worst is when someone will point out I've gone red) - I think this is the worst part, I am constantly trying not to turn red when speaking but it happens because I'm thinking about it.
I go into my shell even more around louder personalities. If someone is quieter like me I feel more comfortable with them.
I don't want to be known as the quiet person forever! But I find it really hard making small talk etc.
I feel I can fake it with strangers (e.g new colleagues) but then the shyness sinks in as time goes on when it should be the other way around!
Any tips on how to feel and appear more confident? And stop feeling so self conscious?

There's nothing wrong with being the quiet person in a room. I can be quite loud and brash and often look at the quieter people and think that they actually look very calm and collected.

If you blush when speaking and someone points it out, try saying 'Yes. I always go red when I talk in public. For some reason I find it excruciating.'

I can guarantee that after doing this a few times, the blushes will stop.

The best way to confront a social anxiety is to face it and acknowledge it. It instantly removes the anxiety you are feeling about feeling anxious IYKWIM.

2cats2many

Thank you! That's really interesting to hear someone else's point of view on how I appear!

I will try that tip with the blushing too

Learn not to give any fucks about what people think of you

I had severe social anxiety, would blush if anyone even spoke to me and was selective mute for a while. It was really, really hard but I'm so much more confident now and happy.

I found best thing to do is to, as much as possible, concentrate on other people and not yourself. Most people have felt shy inn their life, especially in really social situations like parties. It's really lovely asking people questions about themselves, remembering little details about them to ask them next time, giving people little compliments. Think about the loveliest people you know and how they interact with people, they tend to take a genuine interest in other people's lives and doing that really puts people at ease, makes them feel good and feel good towards you.

Practice really helps too. For years I purposefully put myself in uncomfortable situations, like going to a party (which was terrifying at the time!). One thing that really helped me was volunteering as a befriender for people with dementia. I was so shy, but knew these people were really lonely and that I could help as I understood how awful loneliness can be. It helped me so much too, I got used to asking them all kinds of questions about their lives and families and learned so much. It definitely helped my confidence loads. Now I can pretty much talk to anyone.

Another tip is to try your hardest to blush as red as you can. Not only is it impossible, after a while you'll find the blushes will stop. Your blushes are an involuntary response. Once you bring it into the conscious, it's power to control you will seep away.

Good luck. You sound lovely

Thank you. Really appreciate the advice and looking forward to taking it on board!

Being told that you are quiet is the self fulfilling prophecy - you become more quiet and shy. I’ve been there.

I lacked confidence, and still do for a variety of reasons, being labelled shy for as far back as I can remember, being a third child and always having my siblings speak for me, being constantly criticised as a child and rarely praised.

I am now in a role where I have to talk to large groups of people and I love it. I am a different person. What gives me confidence is that I know my stuff. It’s like a script, but I also know the answers to challenging questions.

When I am going into a new situation, I practice in advance. Conversation openers, topics that might be relevant to the situation/meeting. I tell stories over and over in my head until it sounds right. These are my coping strategies.

Remember that ‘shy’ means socially uncomfortable and people deal with that in different ways - sometimes very outgoing people are shy, that’s just how they deal with it.

Also, we are usually more aware of ourselves that other people.

I just don't care what people think of me anymore.

You think I'm weird? Or talk too much or too little? You don't get my sense of humour? You think I'm overconfident, or weirdly shy? You think I swear too much, or too little? That I'm boring? Or crazy? You noticed me blushing? Or biting my nails? Or singing/talking/laughing to myself?

Yeah, y'know what? I really don't care what you think

It's strangely liberating

Also, change the social situation. Spend time with people who don't know you as quiet/shy and just behave differently