Support toddler I suspect asd/development delay

[Mamatj]

Hi, please help this is my first time ever asking for support so please bare with me 😊.
I have a beautiful ds who is 26m old, I have had suspicions for over a year now that's somthing is not quite right.

Currently the health visitor has done a ages n stages questionare that he score very low on, she had some concerns so has referred us to speech and language therapy and pediatrician but she said they probably won't see him till at least 2.5 years. (he has 2.3m review this month and another ages & stages in July).
He is in nursery 3 hours 4 days a week since Nov (they have also pick up on some odd behaviour).

Right getting to the point now lol.
If he does have asd or not, at the moment I am really struggling with him at home and there seems to be no support in the area. He is pritty much non verbal (says Fish, mama, hot) but fish is for anything he likes and he calls everyone mama 😔. I'm just finding it so hard as he cannot gesture or communicate his wants/needs, everyday I go through the battle of what he wants if he stands by the fridge or what he wants me to do. He gets very upset and lashes out each time I get it wrong till finally I figure out what he wants or just give up. He never listens to me and seems to look right through me, I have tried sign language for ages but as he gives me no eye contact he doesn't even notice it.
He is beautiful and very happy cuddly loving child, totally train, car and ball mad even at nursery that's all he does!
Also I have problems everytime I go out or around friends with children, as when any child goes into his personal space he shreaks at them or more often pushes them very hard. I try to tell him off but I just know he isn't even paying attention to it.
He runs around the house happy all day hand flapping and shreaking but I cant seem to find a reason for the constant shreaking even though he seems perfectly happy.

I just feel so alone and would love it if anyone has any advice on how I can understand him or help him communicate his wants/needs. Also how to deal with the fact he just looks like a naughty child allways hitting kids that get into his personal space?

Thank you for reading this 😊

Mamatj, your post has just hit home to me so much, I can't tell you.
My first child (I have 3) was very much as you describe. Really, really very similar.
Like you I always felt something wasn't right, but was told it was me/he is spoiled/have rules etc etc.
When he was about 2.5 we were sent to a feeding clinic as he ate practically nothing. Consultant watched him and chatted to me for 5 mins and said "Your son is autistic".
That was it.
Husband didn't want to get him labelled (apparently very common with fathers?), so we didn't go with a full diagnosis then. We did get some help for him, OT etc, and we ourselves put in lots of reading and implemented stuff at home. We had a nanny who was fabulous.
It hasn't been easy, but he is now mid-teens. He is in a grammar school, has lovely friends, goes out with them etc.He is so polite, helps around the house, is kind, still loves a cuddle from mum! Just a wee star.
He 'grew out' of many quirks. Well, maybe didn't grow out of them, just learned eventually what the 'right' way was? Eye contact doesn't come naturally, but he has learnt to do it. He has learnt how to do small talk, to inquire after people etc.
My advice is don't panic. See about getting a diagnosis-don't deny him help because he will be labelled, its called getting a diagnosis. And read up on how you can implement stuff at home to help him.
You sound like a lovely mum!

Hi OP. I work in a pre-school and we currently have a child that displays behaviour as you describe. He has just been diagnosed as autistic, he is 3. It doesn't necessarily mean your son is of course but some of the behaviours you listed sound just like what I have seen him do at pre-school. He is such a lovely child and will hopefully now receive the support he needs moving forward.

We try using Makaton with him but he doesn't use it with us yet. We have several things in place to help him including a simple 'now and next' board so he can see what we are doing now i.e eat lunch and then next may be a picture of the garden (although obviously he can play where he likes but it gives him an idea). He also can get very frustrated and roll around crying as we aren't always sure of what he wants. He doesn't really use any recognisable words. We try and encourage him to find us the picture (we have lots for the now and next board) he means but he doesn't really understand. We are trying to be consistent though as we know this worked really well with a child we used to have before he went off to school.

Maybe you could find some flash cards or simply print some pictures of things relevant to you and your son so he can show you what he wants? Push for more OP as support is available for both you and your son.

Just to add OP that I have 3 sons and none of them were talking at that age. Quite common for boys.

Yes I should have said of course that children all develop at different rates. Some children talk sooner than others. It is 'expected' however for children of that age to be saying approx 50 words and maybe linking 2 words together.

Thank you so much your message it makes me feel I'm not as alone and not crazy lol!
I am glad the hv picked up on somthing as soon as she met him, just wish I'd asked for help sooner instead of thinking it was all in my head. I guess I have a long road ahead of me, but as long as he grows up happy and healthy that's all that matters!
I just want to do everything I can to support him and teach him in the way he wants to learn, but it so hard when he doesn't understand or acknowledge I'm there half the time (unless for cuddles on his terms 😍).
I am going to push for diagnosis but same as you said, my partner is very reluctant to have him 'labeled'.
I just want what best is for my little man and if that means totally changing our parenting towards him I would love to know where to start.
He also has trouble with feeding he will only eat badge food 🙈 so nuggets, chips, sausage rolls!
I just feel so out of place everywhere because he doesn't have diagnosis I feel I have no help to turn too.
How did you interact or discipline him as a toddler as I feel so mean because he doesn't understand what's going on.
So glad your lad has grown into a lovely young man it gives me hope 😊!
Thank you for your message it is really nice to hear from someone who has been in the same boat as me. Xx

silver1977 Thank you 😊 I will defo get some simple cards so mabey he will learn how to show me what he wants.
He absolutely loves routine so mabey if I keep doing it everyday we will get somewhere.
I'm not really worried about him not talking yet it's the fact he cant even gesture what he wants or rarely waves bye bye, no pretend play at all, flaps, screeches all the time and is just happy to be on his own most of the time lining up trains ect (he is very ocd like me 😂).
Thank you for your message 😊 any other information you think of that may help please let me know as I have tried quite a few different ideas of the Internet but they don't seem to be helping and are far to advanced for him, bless him.
X

I'm bust at the min but will get back to you later.

You could be right but they do all learn at different rates. My asd dd had no language at that point, she did understand well though (would fetch things on request and sit for hours "reading" books of playing with her abacus. She got some language at 3 and turned out she could already read and count. It's very hard I know coming to terms with your child not ticking the "normal development" box but for most people even if they have a diagnosis, they will achieve their goals, just perhaps slightly differently - our dd is at university, but lives at home because moving out was causing her distress just considering it but she's very well supported at university, can't stress that enough. I know others have more heartbreaking stories but keep positive, dd was taught American Sign Language at 2 which really helped (we lived there then)

Hi OP.

I used to work as a therapist for children with autism (amongst other things) and did some really interesting and successful work around language.
This page explains how it works

It does require a bit of organisation and consistency - have a read of the page (the site is American, so some of the info on there not relevant if you’re UK) and please feel free to PM me if I can help further.

My son is 4 next month and you have described him to a t with the description of your own son.
He doesn't talk at all. Squeals when hes happy.
Got our diagnosis of autism officially last year but its been blindingly obvious for a long time.

OP your child sounds like a lot like my 3 year old ds. He was diagnosed a little after his 2nd birthday-although looking back there were signs from when he was 9 months.
He is also non-verbal (doesn’t say one word) is very restrictive with his playing and doesn’t like to interact with anyone outside of his family.

He’s now in nursery where he receives full time support. He’s also being taught how to communicate using PECS which is going well. We still struggle with communicating but I have noticed his receptive language has improved.

My ds also has a very short attention span but is very visual (likes pictures). Perhaps your ds would respond well to PECS

Thank you everyone that has responded to my message 😊 I really appreciate it.
At least I'm not going mad and I have know for a long time somthing isn't quite right it just has taken a year to come to terms with it and ask for help.
It is so nice to hear all your children that have asd manage to go on to live normal lives with the right support.
It has made me realise I shouldn't be scared and carry on with trying to get him the help he needs.
I have ordered Flash cards and will put them on fridge, Bathroom ect so hopefully in the future he will be able to point to what his needs and wants are.
Thank you lovely people 😊 it has really help me feel like I'm not the only one, just by you all posting your messages and experiences with your children.
Xx